By: Bears Butt

As dawn once again cracks the night sky, Sir Butt and Something find themselves in a very nice and secluded shelter surrounded by several clear and cold flowing streams. Something needs to be unteathered and so nustles his nose against Sir Butt’s cheek and gives him a push! “Whaaa”! Exclaims Sir Butt in a startled and half awake voice. “Oh, it’s you Something! You must need to go”! And up jumps Sir Butt to unteather Something.

Sir Butt then goes about his business and prepares himself a hot cup of tea, reusing yesterdays grounds for added flavor!

Before long, Something comes wandering back into the shelter of the tree canopy where they spent the night. It’s such a beautiful spot that they found for their nights stay.

Sir Butt spends almost all his time out searching for the nasty evils that are found here and their across the land of Common Ground. With his vigilence, there aren’t as many dragons as there have been in the past, but still enough of a presence that travelers fear they will encounter one as they go from their Point A to their Point B and they are all very pleased with the work Sir Butt has done to keep them safe. Sir Butt realizes this and is more than happy to continue to travel and make safe the passages without pay.

As Sir Butt and Something begin their travel for this day, they hear running foot steps pounding the ground coming their way! Not knowing what the danger might be, Sir Butt draws Cache from His Account and sits upright on the back of Something, waiting for the danger to present itself.


Something is not in the least concerned with what he hears as he knows it is not a dragon that is approaching at a fast pace.

Then there appears a man running as fast as he can down the trail about 100 yards in front of them. And as he gets closer he stops running and begins walking quickly, slowing his pace as he gets next to them. “Whew”, said the man, “I was wondering if I would ever find you Sir Butt”! And he put both his hands on his knees and bent over to catch his breath.

“I do not know if I know you my man”! Said Sir Butt. “But it is obvious you know me. That does not surprise me however, because being who I am and the fact that I’m the most knowledgable one in all the land, most folks know me even though I do not know them. You are huffing and puffing. When you catch your breath, we will talk”.

And then Sir Butt just sat astride Something and waited for the man to catch his breath. As they waited, Sir Butt thought it would be appropriate to offer the man a drink.

“Would you care for a drink of hot tea or perhaps a cool drink of ale. I just removed my pouch of ale from the cold stream up the hill”.

“I would love a drink of cold ale, Sir Butt”. Said the man, “But how in all of Common Ground did you know my name is Huffing And Puffing”?

Sir Butt looked a bit surprised, but then in his own mind decided he had just had one of those moments where all things come into place at the same time and is recorded in time for all and eternity (whatever all of that means).

“Well”, answered Sir Butt, “When a man comes running up to me and has been running for a very long time, he is automatically huffing and puffing. Isn’t that obvious”? He asked.

“Why yes, Sir Butt…You are the smartest of the smartest”. Said Huffing and Puffing

By this time Sir Butt has removed the pouch of ale and handed it to Huffing and Puffing, who then took a very long and welcomed drink of cold ale.


Things settled down a bit and Sir Butt dismounted from Something in order to talk to the man face to face.

“What is troubling you Huffing? You don’t mind me calling you Huffing do you? Or would you rather be called Puffing? Or Huff Puff”? Asked Sir Butt.

“Sir Butt, please call me Huff. All my folks and friends call me that”. He answered.

“So be it Huff”! Replied Sir Butt “Now what is the trouble that caused you to run out across Common Ground to locate me”? He asked.

“Sir Butt, I have been running straight for many days without rest and for a good cause I might say. You see the people of the land have no reference to Sir Butt except for your name. And since you are SO VERY FAMOUS in all of Common Ground your name comes up at all the pubs every day and night. People will toast good things in your name but there is just something lacking. Perhaps a song or statement that we could all prost to”. Said Huff.

“Hmmmmm”, hummed Sir Butt. “A song about Sir Butt? I don’t know about that. You know I’m the worst singer in all the land and I won a big contest as being such a while back. The Best of the Worst as I recall. I don’t think a song is a good thing Huff”. Replied Sir Butt

“But Sir Butt, there has to be a song or poem or statement that makes people realize we are talking about the all knowlegable one, the only Sir Butt in all of Common Ground! Our protector of travel”. said Huff

“Huff, perhaps you and the people of Common Ground are right, but I don’t think it necessary to have such as that. Why can’t they lift their glasses up and just say ‘Here’s to Sir Butt’ and let it go at that”? Sir Butt asked.

“That is what is being done today, but there must be more”! Exclaimed Huff and then he went on….”You are a hero to us all! None of our lives would be what they are had it not been for you taking out the dragons in the deep canyon! Nor the mini biting dragons on the highlands”! Said Huff.

“Well, Huff, let us travel together back to where you came from and perhaps we can come up with something in light of what you are asking of me. We can work on it together”! Said Sir Butt.


And off they went, Sir Butt sitting tall on Something and Huff walking alongside talking about the task at hand.

That evening as they settled in for the night they discussed the days discussions in brief and decided that perhaps, just perhaps, there could be some statement about Sir Butt and his trusty steed Something. After all, Sir Butt is nothing without Something! I think we can all agree to that. Add to that, Sir Butt is nothing without his sword Cache. After all, once again, no dragon would ever be beheaded without the ever sharp, non dulling edge of Cache! So which is more important, sword or steed? Well, one could surmise that without those two things no dragon would ever be killed. And none would be killed either if it were not for the brave (or stupid) Sir Butt riding atop Something and swinging that sword. It’s a combination of the three that make for dead dragons hither and yon.

And the three companions drifted off to sleep.


They slept well too I might add and awakened to a full sun shining down on them. After a quick breakfast of hard roll, jerky and a cup of hot tea, off they went down the road toward Point B. Point A being where they had just spent the night!

The conversation continued where it had left off the night before. All three pieces of this puzzle must be included in a song or statement or some such other thing that people can say or do or whatever before they make that ever so important “Toast to the main man! Sir Butt”!

Huff questions Sir Butt about how he slays dragons and how in Common Ground he knows when a dragon is waiting along side the trail ahead. How does he do it? How can he be so brave as to ride ever so close to a fire breathing double headed dragon and lop off both of its heads with one swipe of the sword?

Of course Sir Butt just gets all swelled up inside thinking he is the bravest of the brave, the most knowledgable of the knowledgable in all of Common Ground and even though he can’t sing, he can do most everything else. He also prides himself on entering town after town and being hailed to the center of each for drinks on the house in the tavern. He loves his drinks of ale and often times over tips the glasses as he tries to please everyone in town, accepting their hospitality! (This is one reason he likes the solitude of being away from town most of the time. Hangovers are not one of his favorite things).


“Well, Huff”. Said Sir Butt “There are lots of things that can be said about bravery in the face of a two headed dragon. But you must know how a two headed dragon works within and I’ve been taught by the best…..well second best, because I’m the best, but I wasn’t always the best which then made me second best until I was taught and learned from then the best, when then I became the best and he became second best. You see? I won’t go into how a two headed dragon works from inside, you can read about that in another story on if you so desire to know. What I can tell you now is that my trusty steed, Something, has everything to do with bravery in the face of ANY dragon. He is fearless as he CHARGES forward into the face of that danger and edges me so very close so as to allow the sharp cutting edge of Cache to take the dragons head off with ease. All I have to do is hold the sword out and hang on as the steed makes the charging force and hits the dragon perfectly with the edge of the sword.

As the rider on the back of Something, I get really proud to be a part of dragon head lopping and if my sword, Cache, had a brain it too would be proud of how it performs! We are a team you know. Cache, Something and Sir Butt….oh and don’t forget My Account, as I don’t always need to be yielding Cache. Like right now! There is no danger, so no need to have it in hand. My free hand can hold my pouch of ale…see”?


And so it was. Sir Butt explained all he needed to say to Huff. The rest you might say is history.

Huff thought about what Sir Butt had just explained to him and after several hours of non-talking as they traveled, he suddenly told Sir Butt what his thoughts were.

“Sir Butt”! Said Huff suddenly. “Sir Butt, you have answered the question and the question is going to come in a statement! A statement that all in Common Land will be able to relate to Sir Butt, without actually saying your name. Although some will still say it, they won’t have to and the people hearing it will know who is being talked about”!

“AH, OK. And what is this statment”? Questioned Sir Butt

“It’s so simple, Sir Butt”! Said Huff. “Here it is!

‘Whenever Cache is withdrawn from His Account, serious Charges are in store! Something always makes sure of that’!

What do you think of that, Sir Butt”?

“I guess so”. Said Sir Butt in a quizical manner.

Bears Butt

July 30, 2015

Written on September 1st, 2015 , Sir Butt

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    Softball commented

    Leave me smiling 🙂

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Just some of my old stories, new stories, and in general what is going on in my life.