By: Bears Butt

Today is the last leg of our whirlwind journey to Oregon and points beyond.  Current weather conditions in Ely, Nevada, light rain…..I will get a bit wet unplugging us from the confines of the KOA campground which was a welcome site last evening.  We had a great stay, it was relatively quiet, in spite of the fact that the camp is right next to the main road leading into and out of the town.  The locals and other travelers on that road were gracious enough to wake us at 6:30 a.m.  We even had a robin Chirp into our ears at that same time.  I guess here it is in the best interest of all to awaken at such an hour as that.  Life is good.

Breakfast will be hash browns, link sausages, one egg each and we have already consumed our daily requirement of coffee.  We will have milk or orange juice as our choice with our meal.

I am the cook and so I must cut this message off short and get on with my duties.  Please kiss the cook!

Bears Butt

Written on July 31st, 2011 , Uncategorized
By: Bears Butt

On one of the last legs of our 2011 fun trip.  We hit the coast of Oregon and stayed at Lorin Facers abode for one night, could have stayed longer but did not want to be a problem to him.  What a beautiful place and the view from his front window is absolutely magnificent!  Pictures to come later.

Stayed at Diamond Lake FS campground one night….beautiful place but tons of mosquitoes!  Rode the rim of Crater Lake….not fun in an 8 ft. wide motor home when the road is only about 5 ft. wide and washing off the outside edge….we were glad to get off the rim.  Then on into California and now sitting on the border of Nevada…where to next?  Toward home, but who knows, we still have at least one more night we can spend before needing to be home to join up with the kids for a couple nights at Tony Grove lake!

Are we having fun yet?  Absolutely!!!!

Written on July 30th, 2011 , Uncategorized
By: Bears Butt

Heard about this, but wasn’t sure about it.  Gassed up yesterday just across the Idaho/Oregon border and was informed by the lot attendant that in Oregon they pump your gas for you.  You just pull up and tell the attendant what you need and they do it.  Gas, windshield washed, “check the oil, dollar gas”!

By doing it this way, they have a few jobs for the locals to perform.  Sounds like a good idea to me.

Today takes us from Burns, Or to the coast at Yachates, where we will spend the night at a good friend Lorin Facers, coastal home.  We should be able to have a drink and watch the sun set in the West…far West I might add.  As we watch the sun disappear beyond the edge of the ocean, it should be a rising sun in Russia.

Bears Butt

Written on July 27th, 2011 , Uncategorized
By: Bears Butt

Written on July 25th, 2011 , Uncategorized
By: Bears Butt

I just started another Sir Butt series, but am going on a two week break from the norm and won’t have it finished to start publishing anything.  Sorry Sir Butt fans!

Until then I will be posting bits and pieces of stuff while away to Oregon and California.

Sherry and I are going to celebrate our 37th wedding anniversary on the 28 of July!  37 years!!!  Wholey hell, are we even THAT old????

One blue pill coming right up!

Bears Butt

Written on July 25th, 2011 , Uncategorized
By: Bears Butt

I looked up uses for dill pickle juice and found that some people will cut up raw cucumbers and put in the jar of pickle juice and have another jar of pickles in a few days!  Imagine that?

Others drink the juice straight from the jar!  Others will chill the juice first before drinking it.  Some prefer it be room temperature.

Still others use it as a chaser for shots of tequila and others again will mix vodka with the pickle juice and that is their favorite drink of the evening.

Some use it as a dressing for fresh salads.  Some put a bit of juice in their mix for deviled eggs, eggs salad sandwiches.

Some will julienne carrots and put in the juice…in a few days they have pickled carrots.

There are others who use it as a marinade for chicken or other meat that is going to be bar-b-qued.

What else do you use pickle juice for?

On the farm, we have found that pickles and/or the juice is good to aid the workers in gaining their strength back after strenuous exercise.  Is it the vinegar or the pickles?  I think vinegar.

I heard the BYU football coach a long time ago, had his players drink pickle juice instead of Gator Aid.  Gator Aid, as I understand it, was formulated by the Florida Gator’s chemistry department as a quick energy generator drink for their teams and that is how it got its name!  Gator Aid!

As a bartender one would have to come up with a name for a vodka and pickle juice drink…maybe “Shmirkle” (Shmirnoff and pickle juice).  I think pickle juice mixed 50/50 with normal bloody mary mix would make a wonderful bloody mary!!!!


Picklemania!  It’s what’s for drinking!

Bears Butt

July 2011

Written on July 24th, 2011 , Recipes
By: Bears Butt

I find this quite interesting:

The tongue is a muscular hydrostat on the floors of the mouths of most vertebrates which manipulates food for mastication.

Written on July 24th, 2011 , Uncategorized
By: Bears Butt


His first time with them, the young man is somewhat surprised by all of the festivities and ceremony.  He is new to the world of mountain men and looks up to those “old timers” who appear to have it all together.  In his city clothing, the youngster, even if he is in his 40’s or 50’s at the time, stands out among those “old timers”, with their leather clothing, knives and seasoned rifles.


Not to be discouraged, the “newbie” confronts the task of becoming “one of them” with a heart felt desire that can only satisfied by earning it the hard way.


He camps somewhat away, and yet close enough to hear the sounds and smell the smells coming from the “old timers” camps.  At night he is near the firelight of the council fire, but out on the fringes of the light itself.  Again, relishing in the flavor of the night fire and the sacred rituals of the council fire.


Ahh, what a place to be at such a time in his life.  Rendezvous!  A raucous time being had by all who attend!  Drinking until the light of dawn, story telling constantly, continual harassment among all, each trying to out-do the other.  The first story told will be outdone a hundred times during the course of the rendezvous.  The youngster learns early on, that if you are to be the one telling the first “yarn”, you had better make it a good one.  For an old timer is going to come up and out yarn your yarn a hundred fold.


And still, the youngster delights in the festivities, for this is what has drawn him into the scene.  It’s a sure fire way of learning something different than what goes on in the valley day by day.  Fire starting with flint and steel, or bow and stick.  Knife and hawk throwing, muzzleloader rifle shooting and best of all, trading.   The new one spends his year in preparation for the rendezvous and makes items he feels will be welcomed by the old timers and desirous of a good trade for some of the old timer’s favorite accoutrements.


He practices with his hawk, making sure it sticks where the mark is and feels the confidence of those he is looking up to with such regard.  He’s watched them trade amongst themselves and their hawks hit the marks with power and accuracy.  Best of all, he practices his skills with the muzzleloader rifle he now calls his “smoke pole”.  He is learning the language.  He has breathed in the smoke of a thousand black powder fired rounds.  It’s in his blood now.  He can’t go back.  He’s hooked!


As time goes on, the youngster begins to feel that since some of the old timers remember his name from one rendezvous to another, that maybe he is becoming one of them.  He must remember however, that he is still new and that he must listen to the old timers.  He still holds their words and wisdom in the highest regard, showing them the respect they deserve.  And the occasional sharing of his drink, aids in his favorable reception.




Soon the youngster has earned enough deer and elk hides to provide himself with the buckskin clothing he has been years seeing the old timers wearing.  It has taken a long time for him to get to this point.  But still, it’s in the earning of the clothing that is the real prize.  He has gathered these hides, honing his skills as a hunter over the years and used only the smoke pole he calls his own.  The rifle has proved itself a worthy companion more than once and the youngster is proud.


With his new clothing, he enters the rendezvous with a vigor he has not felt before.  It’s his first where he looks like he is a seasoned mountain man.  A man among men, those same men he has been looking up to for years!  Yes, this is a moment to shine, and shine he does.  The old timers see him with new eyes, and notice the parts of this youngster they had doubts about, are now more seasoned and he is becoming a real challenge in the contests held at rendezvous.  Yes, they have done well in preparing this youngster to enter into this world of the mountain man.


The youngster feel so good in fact that at the next knife and hawk throwing contest, he strikes a hard blow to the one he has considered the best of the best.  And as fate would have it, the youngster is now the lead dog in a contest he could only be a part of in the past.  Lead dog in a contest that he was always last in.  Lead dog; and called upon at the council fire to receive a fine “old timer” type of gift for his efforts.  A proud moment to say the least!  And, better yet, the old timers yell and celebrate with this youngster who has shown them defeat for the first time.  The youngster is proud.


Time goes on, and the youngster is finding necklaces, knives and accoutrements are now hanging from him much like those he has admired in years past.  He’s now included in most of the discussions around the council fire.  How has this come to be so quickly in the youngster’s life?  He slipped in amongst the old timers and become as they are, his fate sealed.  Shouldn’t there have been some kind of ceremony that welcomed him into their ranks?  Shouldn’t he have had to do some great deed to earn the right?  The youngster is somewhat confused by the quickness of his being welcomed into such a highly esteemed group.


With his heart swelled with honor, the youngster offers the old timers his views and does the things they ask of him.  He assists with camp setup and breakdown, the range master duties and other tasks.  He takes his obligation seriously and does more than would have ever been expected.  The old timers like his work and his enthusiasm.  They comment on his abilities to start the fire with flint and steel quickly, even with wet wood.


The council fire would not be what it is without the youngster.  He takes on the task of being the first to tell a tale, knowing full well, his tale will not be the best of the evening.  He does his best and accepts the fact that the next story beat his honorably.





One day while getting a drink from the creek, the reflection in the pool shows a mountain man comfortable in his attire.  His new leather clothes have blood stains and greased fringe.  His hat fits snuggly, like a well worn glove.  His claw necklace hangs nearly to the water.  As he drinks from the creek, the claws of the necklace break the surface.


Could it be that this youngster is now not so young?  Could it be that his mentoring of the latest newbie to come into camp has made him graduate into the old timer’s ranks?  He sits back and contemplates his dilemma.   He thinks of all of the times he took last place in the hawk throws, the mountain man runs and the rifle competition.  He now thinks, without a boastful thought, that perhaps the others in the competition are gauging themselves on their position relative to his.  Has he become the one to beat?  How could that have happened?  Yes, he has taken his share of firsts and seconds and heard the revelry at the council fire and shook the hands of those who he thought should have won.  But isn’t this too early in his life to be happening?


At the rendezvous one late afternoon, the youngster is approached by a city clad young man, who begins to ask him about his clothing, his rifle and knife and says in a breath, “I sure would like to be just like you one of these days”.


And the youngster now knows he has solidly entered into the ranks of the “old timers”.  This isn’t too early in his life to be happening.


Welcome to the club!


Bears Butt


Written on July 24th, 2011 , Just more stories
By: Bears Butt


A beautiful spring day in Common Land, finds Sir Butt riding slowly on Something down a beautifully tree lined trail leading to his Point B.  The birds are all out singing cheerfully.  The air, just refreshed from a light spring rain, is crisp and cool.  Life could not be better for the people of Common Ground and for Sir Butt himself.  He is reassured as his left hand finds the curved handle on Cash and then down to feel the top of Account, the sheath which covers Cash.

Far ahead coming his direction are two male travelers, obviously proceeding to their own Point B.  They too are traveling slowly and enjoying the spring morning and the beauty that can only be found in Common Ground.  As they get closer greetings begin to occur.   First by the steeds and then by the mens voices.

Whinnie, goes Something.  Whinnie go each of the steeds from the other travelers in turn.

Good Morning!    How is your day?  Says and asks Sir Butt.

Most excellent Sir!  And how is yours thus far? Says one of the other men.

It could not be better.  A beautiful spring day, birds singing and the temperature is as perfect as it gets here in Common Ground.  Says Sir Butt.

Let me introduce myself and my friend here.  Says one of the travelers.  My name is Lucky Man and my friend here is Al Ex.  We have just left Point A, over there (gesturing the direction and pointing low) and are heading for Point B over there (gesturing the direction and pointing high and arcing down).

Lucky Man?  Says Sir Butt, I do recall out meeting several years back.  I am the man who gave you that name.  I am Sir Butt!

Sir Butt?  Why yes I do recall meeting you and you giving me my name!  But I could not recall YOUR name after you named me.  Then off you went and killed the dragon which nearly had me and my horse charred to charcoal!  Sir Butt, I am of great pride to see you again.  Al Ex!  Please meet Sir Butt!  Said Lucky Man.

I am please to meet you Sir Butt, but unlike my friend here, Lucky Man, I WILL remember your name and your face forever.  Lucky Man has told me many times about the man who named him Lucky Man, but until now, no name and no face was able to be put to the man who named him.  Said Al Ex.  I can say that he is in of utmost gratitude for your giving him a name, because before that he had no name and would just grunt when people asked who he was, and so he became known as the grunting man.  Al Ex added.

Well.  Said Sir Butt, I’m very glad I gave you a name you can be proud of Lucky Man, I certainly would not have liked to have been called the grunting man.  And it’s my pleasure to meet you too Al Ex.   I see you have not been travelling for long because of your Point A being so close, but I also see you have a very long venture ahead of you because of where your Point B destination is.  I believe you will be travelling for several days.  Are you planning on staying in any other villages along the way?

We don’t have much in the way of funds and so we plan on  sleeping along the trail side until we reach our Point B.  Says Lucky Man.

We have plenty to eat and drink.  Says Al Ex.

Al Ex, how did you come of that name?  Asks Sir Butt.

Before my father passed away on the day of my birth, his last word was “AL” and then he passed.  Since it is only the father that can name his male children, “Al” became my name.  Also, since all of us in Common Land must have at least a two name name and because my mother could not remember my fathers second name, only “EX” was available.  And so, Al Ex, is what I have been called since.  Said Al Ex.

Well, Al Ex, how long have you and Lucky Man been riding together?  Asked Sir Butt.

Well, Lucky Man and I met when I finished my schooling in Metalurgy and I have been at his right hand side ever since.  Spoke Al Ex.

Ok then, if I may be so brazen!  From here on, wherever men shall meet and greet in Common Land you shall be known as “Right Hand Man”!  Said Sir Butt with exuberance.

Oh my friend Sir Butt, that is such an honor!  I shall cherish the name Right Hand Man from this day forth!  Responded the ex Al Ex.

From what you have said and with your distant Point B being your destination, there is only one place where there is any danger of dragons.  Says Sir Butt.  I shall be near that place in your travels by the time you get there and will do my best to make certain your path is cleared of dragon dangers.  So go forth with concerns behind you.  Enjoy your travel.  I must reach my Point B soon, I have people waiting for me there.  Oh and by the way, your Point A just happens to be my Point B.  Sir Butt Added.

Safe travelling to you too Sir Butt, Said Lucky Man.  Safe traveling Sir Butt, Said Right Hand Man.

And the three parted company and each rode on toward their Points B.

Right Hand Man had a very large smile on his face as they proceeded on toward their Point B.  Lucky Man also was pleased with the meeting they just had with Sir Butt.  Now Lucky Man would have a witness to his story of being named Lucky Man by Sir Butt and too, Right Hand Man has a witness to his naming by the same dragon slayer of dragon slayers.

As Sir Butt is riding on toward his Point B, which is the other travelers Point A, he asked himself this question:  Did Right Hand Man say he graduated in the village of Metalurgy, or did he say he graduated in Metalurgy?  And off he rode a bit confused about that.  (1)

Sir Butt Reaches Point B of his journey

It wasn’t long before Sir Butt  arrives at his Point B.  Something is nervous as they arrive through the gates and continue along the path toward the tavern.  Sir Butt feels the urge to eat a hearty breakfast and partake of liquid refreshments.  He lets Something out  to relieve himself.

Entering the tavern, Sir Butt notices some old friends he has not seen in quite some time and who said they would meet there this day.  They had breakfast served on the table and waiting for his pleasure.

Welcome Sir Butt!  Said one of the old friends.

Hello, good friends of mine.  Says Sir Butt.

You must sit and eat with us and we will chat about old times and drink some merriment and you must meet another dear friend.

So Sir Butt settles in to eat what is before him and chat with old friends and drink some merriment and meet another dear friend who he has not met before but trusts in the others good judgements.  Partaking of early Common Ground spring grapes and fresh bread and cows milk butter and chicken birds eggs and fried ground raised potatoes.  He filled his belly with it all.  And then came the merriment!  Again it was glass after glass while they talked about old times and good times and such as was had by them when they were last together.

Then into the room walks a very shapely young maiden who comes directly toward the table at which Sir Butt and the others are sitting.  Hello Merrily Buxum.  Said one of Sir Butts old friends.   Hello. Said Merrily Buxum in a shy manner, her head turning slightly away from the ever so handsome Sir Butt.  Sir Butt is so taken by the beauty of this young maiden he is dribbling merriment all down the right side of the corner of his mouth.  Which also is the side closest to Merrily Buxum.  She notices the dribble and pulls her hanky from under the long sleeve of her blouse and hands it to Sir Butt with a smile.

Sir Butt takes the hanky and dabs at the dribble and says, “My lady, it is obvious to me that chivalry is not dead in this abode”.

Nor should it ever.  And to whom am I granting the use of my hanky?  She said and then asked.

Excuse me.  Said one of Sir Butts old friends sitting at the table.  We were about to introduce you to Sir Butt upon your arrival, but who was to expect Sir Butt to dribble at such an inopportune moment.  You handled that in a most gracious manner.  Merrily Buxum, please meet our dear friend and fierce dragon slayer, Sir Butt!

Being the gentleman Sir Butt is, he stood while the introductions were being made.

They each put out a hand and greeted with the normal locked fingers and waving upright thumbs.  The custom of Common Ground between a man and a woman meeting for the first time.

Please be seated over there across the table from me.  Said Sir Butt.

And she sauntered to that chair and was assisted in  seating by another of Sir Butts good old friends.  Sir Butt could not take his eyes off her the entire time.  And as the conversation proceeded, his eyes were locked on her perfect form.

How did you come of such a beautiful name Merrily Buxum?  Asked Sir Butt.

Well, as you know only the mother can give a name to her female children and my mother gave me the name of Merrily.  It means Merrily you know and I am very merrily indeed, all the time.  My second name is as always my fathers last name, which is Buxum.  She responded.

Oh how quaint!  And I might add you are quite merrily and you certainly are buxom.  Said Sir Butt with a smile and a slight chuckle.  Would you care for some merriment?  Asked Sir Butt.

She did and all of them continued their conversation and partaking of more merriment until all the merriment in the establishment had been consumed. (2)

The next day

Sir Butt awakes in the stable with Something standing tall above him.  His head is pounding from consuming so much merriment, but his heart is filled with good thoughts of his old friends and the meeting of Merrily Buxum.  He can’t recall much more after their meeting yesterday.

And so, he must gather himself up and be on his way.  He thinks about what transpired the day before and figures he has just enough time to go from where he is now, Point A, to where there might be danger awaiting the two gentlemen he met yesterday on the trail (Point B).  Point B is a narrow valley, covered with low growth trees and many rock outcroppings.  A perfect dragon ambush point in the trail.

He scrambles to his feet and begins to look for Cash and his Account but they are no where to be found.  My GOSH!  What have I done with them?  He frantically asks himself, as he looks into the eyes of Something.  What has happened to my Cash and my Account?

Of course Something cannot speak, and cannot tell him he left them both on the table in the tavern last evening while he and Merrily Buxum went dancing.  She kept hitting into the ballast of the sward and causing the end of the Account to swing into other dancers, tripping them and almost causing Sir Butt to have to take up a fist to cuff.  Something Sir Butt is not good at and most likely would have come out a knot headed looser.  Merrily Buxum wanted no such thing to happen and made him disrobe.

Vaguely Sir Butt started to piece the events of the night back together.  Perhaps a glass of merriment would refresh his memory and allow him to locate his Cash and his Account.  And so, back to the tavern he trudged, head pounding madly at each beat of his heart.

Inside, there sat Merrily Buxum at the same table where he last saw her the night before and on the table sat his Cash and his Account.  Oh My Gosh!  He cried,  My Cash and My Account!  They are safe!

Merrily Buxum groggily said, Yes, but only because I was here guarding the stupid dang things while you went out to check on Something and never came back!  And her voice began to pick up volume and intensity as she said,  You Sir Butt are a CAD!  A CAD of all CADS !!  It’s no wonder you have no female friends.  No wonder all you think about is slaying dragons and drinking merriment and parading Something around between your legs,  while waiving your Cash and your Account in front of people.  A CAD I tell you a CAD!

My dear lady Merrily Buxum, said Sir Butt in a very controlled and quiet voice.  First off, let me say, these two items you have guarded are not “Stupid dang things”.  They are cherished items with which I pursue and slay the very beasts that wish to turn your lovely buxom body into charcoal.  If it weren’t for such treasures as my Cash and my Account,  perhaps your father and mother would not have been around to make you.  Secondly I know not of what you speak, CAD!  And thirdly, I am a gentleman of gentlemen and wish to THANK YOU Very Kindly for guarding my Cash and my Account while I was out checking on Something and only now are getting back.

There you go again, Sir Butt!  She angrily said.  Making a CAD out of yourself again.  Trying to make me think you stepped out and are just now getting back.  Proof positive just what kind of man you truly are, and to think I had almost fallen for you and your gentlemanly ways…YOU CAD!

Merrily Buxum, I must be going to save some travelers who are about to enter a Dragon Ambush and only I can stop the onslaught of their demise.  I am the one who named them both and I am the only one who can keep their names alive.  Please tell me what CAD means so I can be on my way.  Says Sir Butt.

I’ve had it up to here with you Sir Butt!  She said, as she raised her flattened palm up to about her chin, and to where Sir Butt did not see it end.  I’ll tell you what CAD means and when it is invented and printed for everyone to see, your picture will be placed right along side the written meaning.  “C” stands for Churl, “A” for Albeit and “D” for  Dastard!  And in a nutshell it means you are a scumbag, scoundrel, no good, deceiving, lying, knave, rotten ,bounder, heel, cur dog!!!

But, before she got to “nutshell”, Sir Butt had gathered up his Cash and his Account and literally ran out of the tavern toward the stable. (3)

Glad to be on his way

After leaving the tavern and the beauty of Merrily Buxum, who was showing another side of her beautiful self, he mounted up on Something and off they went toward the narrows of the trail ahead of  Lucky Man and Right Hand Man.  He has to arrive at that spot long before they do in order to rid the area of any and all dragons.  Especially any three headed ones that like to hang out in and around the underbrush and rock cliffs found there.

Why is it that Sir Butt feels he needs to save these two men?  Why is he so concerned?  Any travelers along that trail could be coming through there and be turned to charcoal and he would never know it.  So why these two men?

It is a matter of principle for one thing.  Sir Butt told them he would be there to make sure he did all he could to rid the area of dangers that might be laying there in wait for their passage.  For a knight to make a promise and not follow through is a very big disgrace and dishonor to his knighthood.  So for that alone he must go and clear the area of villainous foul mouthed beasts.  But there is more!  He is like a father to these two men.  After all, there own fathers only partly did their job of naming them and so, since he partook of the part of naming them both, he becomes the surrogate father to them.  A role he highly prides himself with.  Especially since he has never been married nor had children that he knows of.

And so, off he goes at a fast gate down the trail toward the narrows.


Arriving at the Narrows

Galloping down the trail toward the Narrows, Sir Butt passes a small camp on the side of the trail some several miles before the Narrows.  It is very early in the morning and he has been riding for several days straight without stopping to eat or sleep.  He knows this camp to be that of the two travelers, Lucky Man and Right Hand Man as he recognizes the two steeds hobbled near by.  He feels his pride swell up as he passes the camp, knowing that he is now ahead of the men and just a short distance from the Narrows.

Sir Butt slows Something’s gait, and then slows it again to a walk.  Something has been running for quite some time and needs a break to relieve himself and he lets Sir Butt know exactly what needs to be done.

Gathering himself up off the ground, after being thrown from the back of Something, he cusses under his breath about the steed. He approaches Something and grabs the dangling reigns.  There is a huge puddle of water all around the steed and Something looks very happy indeed, as he tosses his head in a nodding fashion, while looking at Sir Butt.  Sir Butt even thinks he sees a smile on the steeds lips, but chooses to ignore the look and he mounts up and kicks the steed in the loins.  Down the trail they proceed.

The Narrows are just ahead and Sir Butt is on alert.  He checks to make certain Cash is at the ready, pulling it out of his Account and touching the blade against his cheek.  It is as sharp as ever and ready for action, should action be needed.  Then Cash is put back into his Account and they ride on.

The Narrows is a darkened environment even at mid day when the sun is directly overhead.  The trail is just as wide through the Narrows as it is anywhere else, but the tall trees that tower above the trail form a canopy of shade like none other in all of Common Ground.  There is a thick growth of underbrush as well, that only grows where there is a lot of shade and moist earth.  Add to that the rock cliffs that also form the Narrows and there you have a perfect lair for beasts of destruction to live and haunt.

Sir Butt is on full alert to spot any dangers ahead, along side or from behind, but so is his trusty steed, Something.  There is an inborn sense that Something has that tells him when danger lurks and being between Sir Butt’s legs, it is easy for Something to let Sir Butt know he is sensing danger.  Something will somehow shrink up and that lets Sir Butt know that some danger is near at hand.

Sir Butt gets a feeling that somewhere, some evil, or perhaps not evil, is watching him riding along.  He clasps the guard of Cash but does not withdraw it from his Account.  He rides slowly on into the darkness of the Narrows.

It progressively gets darker and darker as they ride down into the Narrows and the underbrush is dark and thick, unlike the last time Sir Butt was in this part of Common Ground.  The air is heavy and humid and smells of dragons from the past.  There are never any breezes or winds in the Narrows to clear the air and the smells get trapped.  Travellers  passing through there always speed up their steeds gaits to get through there as quickly as they can to avoid the rotting smells deep in the hollow of the Narrows.

These smells makes is harder for Sir Butt to detect the odor of a dragon.  Dragons have an odor like nothing else and you can almost see the stench emanating from their scaled bodies.  Dragons can not relieve themselves after eating, and whatever they have eaten rots inside their carcass and permeates the dragons body from the inside out.  Disgusting to say the least.

Sir Butt rides on ever so slowly.  Something has shrunken which is telling Sir Butt there is danger around them someplace.  Sir Butt is looking all around as they ride; ahead, now to the right, now behind.  NO, NO now to the Left!  Was that a sound?  Sir Butt brings Something to a standstill.  Silence.  Nothing.  No stirring bush.  No growling.  No heavy breathing.  Absolutely quiet.  After looking all around them, he again lightly taps Something on the loins and they begin to move down the trail once more.

Suddenly they find themselves at the very lowest point in the Narrows, which happens to also be the darkest, dampest and stinkiest part.  It’s a gag fest between Sir Butt and Something as they hurry through this part of the Narrows and begin their assent out of the depths.  It is still very dark and damp and smelly, but at least not as horrid as the very bottom.  Sir Butt reminds himself that it was not too long ago he slayed a three headed dragon down in that part of the Narrows and it is most likely the rotting decaying dragon parts that is making that part of the Narrows so smelly.  He thinks to himself that there should be a clean up crew following behind him to clean up some of the messes he creates.  But that is just a passing thought.

As they ascend the trail, Something begins to grow from his shrunken state.  The relaxed Something tells Sir Butt that the danger has passed for the most part and they have come through the Narrows without finding any evil beast.  Could it be there is no evil beast in the Narrows, or did the beast let them travel through knowing full well that two more travelers are just now entering the top of the Narrows on the other side?  Sir Butt has to weigh in on his own decision.  He could ride on out of the Narrows to safety, or turn around and go back into the Narrows and intercept the two travelers, Lucky Man and Right Hand Man. (5)

Sir Butt Turns Around

It did not take Sir Butt long to decide to turn back and try and intercept Lucky Man and Right Hand Man.  Something spun on a farthing and off and down into the darkness they went.  This time Sir Butt was in a bit of a hurry, both to get through the ever so thick and stinking bottom of the Narrows and to intercept his traveling friends before they got too deep into the Narrows.

They galloped through the darkest of the Narrows rather quickly and started the ascent up the other side.  Just past the very bottom of the Narrows as they sped by, Sir Butt saw one head of a three headed dragon peering over the edge of a short cliff on his right.  As he passed, the head ducked back down and Sir Butt knew just what he had to do.  He continued up the trail until he intercepted the travelers on their decent into the darkness of the Narrows.

As Sir Butt approached at a full gallop, he reigned in Something and came to an abrupt sliding stop right in front of their own steeds.  All three steeds were prancing in nearly circles as the men reigned them in and got them settled down.  What goes?  Asked Lucky Man.  What goes?  Responded Sir Butt.  What goes indeed, my good men.  What goes is you two into the bowels of a three headed dragon if you don’t halt your advance at this moment and let me have time to remove the beast from your path!  Continued Sir Butt.  YOU saw a three headed dragon down there?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Yes I did, as I was galloping back to stop you two.  One of his heads appeared over the brink of a rock edge as I galloped past its hiding position.  Said Sir Butt.  You said, you were riding back.  Does that mean you rode through the Narrows but the dragon did not attack you?  Said and asked Lucky Man.  When I rode through earlier, both Something and myself felt the presence of an unknown watching us.  We did not see it, but Something was so shriveled he was almost as if non existing between my legs.  We went on and soon Something began to grow and grew back to his real size again.  We knew then we had passed the danger.  At that, I spun Something around and galloped back to stop you.  Said Sir Butt.  But why, pray tell, did the dragon not roast you and Something as you passed by?  Asked Right Hand Man.  My knowledge of dragons leads me to the conclusion that it knew the two of you were beginning to descend the trail into the Narrows.   You must know this; dragons do think sometimes, and obviously this dragon is very quick of thought.  First, this dragon knows that one man on one horse is a very good meal, but two men on two horses is even a better meal.  A double your order for a tiny price increase sort of a tradeoff.  Responded Sir Butt.   Well now.  How much more does it cost a dragon to fry up two men and two horses over the cost of frying up one man on one horse?  Asked Right Hand Man.  You know nothing of dragons do you Right Hand Man?  Asked Sir Butt.  No Sir Butt, I know absolutely nothing except what my mothers male friend taught me about flying dragons!  Answered Right Hand Man.  I see.  Said Sir Butt, scratching his stubbly chin.  As the trained and often quoted Dragon Slayer of Dragon Slayers, it is obvious I need to take some time here and explain some of the facts about three headed dragons . (6)

Sir Butt Gives a Lesson

As Sir Butt begins to explain about three headed dragons and how they expend their resources on creating the fire that eventually fry’s up men and horses and such, the horses the men are on are resting.  Standing on three legs and swatting at the fly’s on their rear ends with their half braided tails.

The tail end of Sir Butt’s explanation goes like this: …..and with that having been done, the beast devourers the charcoal remains of the two men and the two horses and all the gear they had in their possession.

Holy BeJeasus Sir Butt!  I had no idea!  Responded Right Hand Man with a gasp, while holding his left hand over his heart.   I knew you had no idea by the comment you made about the flying dragons.  Said Sir Butt.  In addition, I don’t think your mothers male friend liked you very much and that is why he told you there were flying dragons.  Added Sir Butt, not afraid to speak his mind.  I’ll have to think about what you just said about my mothers male friend Sir Butt.  Exclaimed Right Hand Man.

As for now, we must make a plan to rid the trail of that three headed dragon.  Said Sir Butt in an “inclusive” sort of way.  What do you mean by “We”, Sir Butt?  Asked Lucky Man.  Well, gentlemen, perhaps it is time for the two of you to actually see a real three headed dragon and perhaps even see how the slaying of it is done.  I have never had an audience while slaying a dragon and now is a perfect time.  Said Sir Butt .  But, but, but, what if we get fried while watching?  What if the beast takes you down and fries you and then comes for us?  What if your superb abilities to slay dragons goes array an it kills you?  What if…….and at that Sir Butt interrupts Right Hand Man with:  That is not going to happen Right Hand Man.  Trust me!  Said Sir Butt.  In a sheepish soft voice Lucky Man said, But Sir Butt I HAVE seen a three headed dragon before.  Don’t you remember my story the day you named me?  AH YES!  Thanks for reminding me.  But to see two three headed fire breathing dragons in one lifetime is a real pleasure indeed.  Besides to have the two of you witness the beheading of a three headed dragon by the best of the best, dragon slayer of dragon slayers, would add credibility to your lives and make the wenches in the taverns swoon over you like the flies on our steeds behinds!  You would like that now would you not?  Exclaimed Sir Butt.

Now here is the plan!  Said Sir Butt. (7)

The Plan is spelled out

Gentlemen, have you ever been down this trail through the Narrows?  Asked Sir Butt.  Never.  They both responded in unison.  I thought not, because you could have chosen another route to your Point B had you known about the Narrows.  Only fools take this route.  Said Sir Butt.  But we are here now and it is the shortest route to your Point B at this time and there is no sense turning back. Continued Sir Butt.  And he went on to explain:  The trail descends down about 3 miles, continuing to darken as the depth increases.  We will still be able to see just fine, but the humidity will rise a great deal, as does the coolness of the bottom.  Once you are down there you will be as cool as you will ever be in this mortal life.  BUT, I might add, the stench is nearly unbearable, what with old rotting dragon carcasses of my past and all.  Right Hand Man interrupts,  Do you not have some people picking up after you when you slay these dragons Sir Butt?  No I do not! Replied Sir Butt.  Would you like the job?  He added.  Pehaps, Sir Butt, but first let’s see how this slaying goes.  Right Hand Man said.

Please try not to interrupt me until I am fully finished with the plan, gentlemen.  Said Sir Butt and he continued:  The dragon is hiding on the left side of the trail just about to the bottom but not quite.  There is a short cliff of rocks about this tall (and he used his hand to show the cliff height to be about mid way up Somethings side).  Behind that short rock outcropping is another higher cliff and the dragon is between the two cliffs laying in some short undergrowth.  Three headed dragons are noted for their abilities to leap out with the top half of their bodies and fry their victims before the victim knows they are a victim.  Lucky Man is  a Lucky Man because the dragon was caught off guard when he approached and he leaped out behind Lucky Man and did not get the frying done before Lucky Man escaped.  That only happens once in a dragons life.  Now then back to the plan.

We are going to ride into the depths of the Narrows in single file.  I will take the lead.  Which of you has any sort of weapon?  Asked Sir Butt.  Neither of us has a weapon.  Said Lucky Man.  Good!  Exclaimed Sir Butt.  I would have had to take it from you.

As we approach the spot where the dragon is laying in wait, I will withdraw Cash from my Account.  This will be your clue to heel your steeds in the loins and ride as fast as possible passed me and down into the bottom of the Narrows.  When you get to the bottom of the Narrows you are to halt your travel and quickly turn your steeds around and watch the action of Sir Butt slaying the three headed dragon.  You will really like the show and when it is over and we are clearly out of the Narrows instead of an applause of gratitude, please just throw coins a plenty at my feet.  I thank you in advance.

Meanwhile, as you quickly ride passed the laying dragon he will raise his three heads and prepare to fry you both as you ride passed.  That is where I come in with  Cash in hand!   The dragon will have all six eyes concentrated on the two of you and it will not register in any of the three heads that I too am riding hard and will lop off at least one of the three heads with my first pass.  Confusion will set in on the dragon at that point and the rest should be fairly simple.  Let’s take it that far and see what comes of it after that.  Now let us move on. (8)

The Dragon in the bowels of the Narrows

The three men move out and are walking their steeds slowly down the trail to the bottom of the Narrows.  It gets darker and darker as they approach the bottom.  The time of day is after the middle of the afternoon and the sunshine is not shining directly down into the Narrows.  The shadows of the trees are getting longer and themens overall  ability to see is hampered by the darkness.

Again, as before, Something begins to quiver and shrink as they are approaching the cliffs on the left.  Sir Butt believes he can see an eye from one of the heads peering over the top of the lowest rock ledge, but is not quite certain that it is what he sees.  They continue to ride forward and suddenly Sir Butt sees the eye blink and then disappear from sight.  As quick as a linx cat, he draws Cash for his Account and waves it high into the air.  The time has come to lop off some heads and he stands tall in his saddle.  That is the signal for the other two to heel their own steeds in the flanks and bust down the trail at full speed.  And they do and they pass Sir Butt like he is standing still.  Of course that is exactly what he is doing.

Down the trail they ride as fast as they can, one behind the other.  When they got about 10 feet in front of Sir Butt he kicked Something in the flanks and down he went behind the other two.  Full speed ahead as they galloped.  The two ahead of Sir Butt were laying low against their steeds necks as they went, but Sir Butt was still standing upright and angling Something toward the left side of the trail.  The Dragon is up and all three heads are looking at the two riders with content.  Their meal awaits!  But before either of the three heads decides it is going to do the fire breathing, Sir Butt is on them and with a mighty swoop of Cash, off goes not one but two of the heads!  Plop Plop!!!

Sir Butt is quite amazed at this feat, as that has never happened to him before!  He rides past the beast and once out of fire breathing range, he pulls the reigns tight on Something and turns his head to go back up the trail and fight the last of the three heads.

As he and Something are catching their breath, the dragon is doing the same and it sucks in a huge amount of air and blows it out with the fury of a volcano erupting!  Sir Butt has never seen such a display of fire coming from a dragons mouth before.  And no sooner did the dragon do that, It sucked in another breath and breathed it the same as the breath before.  Scorching all of the plants and ground between Sir Butt and itself!  Sir Butt says out loud, Holy Chit Man, that guy is not a happy one!  And Something paws the ground in agreement.

The dragon now is looking down at the other two heads laying there on the ground.  Sir Butt knows this is his opportunity to strike out at the remaining head.  He heels Something in the flanks and the two of them lurch forward straight toward the waiting dragon!  The dragon looks up quickly at the fast approaching Sir Butt and begins to draw another deep breath, but before he is fully drawn Cash drives deep into the chest of the dragon, and deflates the lung with a burst of gaseous air and blood.  And then just as quickly, Sir Butt pulls Cash back out of the chest of the beast and with a mighty swing backwards and to his right, the ever so sharp Cash strikes the dragons neck and off goes the third head.  The dragons body still stands as if it was able to do something about the situation and then collapses in a heap.  The beast is deceased! (9)

Much Fanfare

While Sir Butt in engaged in the short battle with the three headed dragon, Lucky Man and Right Hand Man are watching in ahh.  (Actually they are watching in the bottom of the Narrows and not in ahh.  Ahh is just a figure of speech).  Their mouths are agape as Sir Butt takes the two heads off with one mighty sweep of Cash!  Of course as they are watching this all unfold before their wide eyes, they do not know that Sir Butt is also surprised by the two head decapitation move he had just performed.  But they will never know that.

When the second head hit the ground with a thud, Right Hand Man let out a loud yell of approval for the move.  AHHHHHHHHHHHH YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!  Which literally translates to “Way to go Sir Butt”!  As Sir Butt spun Something around and charged back toward the beast the two on lookers thought it was going to be the end of Sir Butt for certain.  The beast had just let out two ferocious blasts of noxiously infernal  displays of fire power and was preparing for a third as Sir Butt closed the gap between him and the ugly beast.  They both closed their eyes at the thought of Sir Butt and Something becoming just a pile of charcoal scattered on the ground.  But not hearing the ferocious roar,  no feeling the intensity of the fires blast, they opened their eyes just in time to see Sir Butt remove Cash from the chest of the beast and swing Cash up and right.  And time seemed to slow as Cash came down on the back of the beasts neck and sliced through that thick scaly skin like it was nothing.  They were both in a state of shock and amazement as the third head came thumping down onto the ground at Somethings feet.  At that they both spontaneously yelled a triumphant….AHHHHHHHHHHHH  YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  CCCAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!  Which literally translates to “Way to go Sir Butt and Cash”!

Sir Butt turns to the beheaded beasts body laying there in the deep grass at the bottom of the Narrows and raises Cash high over his head and says loudly , Let this be a lesson to all you three headed fire breathing dragon beasts that call this place your home!  Your days are numbered just like this one that lies here today!  I now place Cash in my Account and the next time Cash is drawn from my Account it might be your heads that are about to come off!!!!

And with that, Sir Butt puts Cash back into his Account and turns towards the two men waiting at the bottom of the Narrows.  As he approaches the two of them, he heels Something in the flanks and rides quickly past the two of them and on up the trail.  Puzzled by Sir Butt’s quick move to ride out, they too turn their steeds and heel them in the flanks to follow Sir Butt up  the trail to the other side of the Narrows.  They ride quickly until they have completely ridden out of the Narrows and are away from  that hideous place.

Sir Butt halts Something at the top and turns toward the two men following him.  Sir Butt is wearing a grin like he had never grinned before.  He knows the feat that he just accomplished was witnessed by these two and he is in all his glory to hear about how well he did.  Sir Butt loves attention and he is about to receive some of the best he has ever gotten.  He is the bravest of the brave!  The dragon slayer like none other in all of Common Ground.  All the people of Common Ground love him and he knows it, but he needs constant feedback and praise in that regard.

Pulling their steeds to a halt, one on either side of Sir Butt.  Lucky Man asks, Sir Butt, why in Common Ground did you hurry so quickly out of the bottom of the Narrows.  We were wishing to congratulate you on that fine dispatching job on that dragon.  My dear men, started Sir Butt, did you not smell the retched stench down there?  It almost crawls on you.   I was about to hurl big chunks of whatever all about down there, I had to get up here for some good air to breath.  That being said, they both remove their hats and bowed towards him, nearly in unison.  I commend you Sir Butt on such a fine display of bravery and skills!  Said Lucky Man, the only known survivor of a three headed dragon attack.  I too salute your abilities and bravery, Sir Butt, a finer display of dragon dispatch could not have been done!  Said Right Hand Man.  Well, well!  Said Sir Butt adding, I could not have done it without your help.  You see, the three heads were all watching the two of you as you galloped past, and by the time they realized I was fast approaching they could not react quickly enough and I was able to get in close and hack some heads.

Sir Butt, your bravery to get so close to that dragon was un human like!  Anyone can see the danger in that!  But it looked as if you were having fun!  Said Right Hand Man.  And then, when the dragon let out those two horrendous blasts of fire, you fearlessly charged right into its face like you do it every day.  Added Lucky Man.

Well gentlemen, started Sir Butt, I have been trained to know exactly when and where to attack three headed fire breathing dragons and I know everything about what they are thinking all of the time.  They are not as quick at thinking as I am and so I can lop off their heads rather easily.  Just like the two heads that came off on my first swing of Cash.  Nothing to it.  And if I could, I would do it every day, how about you Something?  Would you do it every day if you could?  And Something digs at the ground with his left front hoof in agreement.

Let me remind you gentlemen; on the other side of the Narrows and before we charged into battle with the three headed dragon I asked that the two of you skip all the clapping and back slapping and just to throw money at my feet.  I am looking down at my feet at this moment and I see not the first of coins.  Reminded Sir Butt.

And the men began to toss coins and toss coins they did until the ground around Sir Butt glistened in  the passing sunlight.

The three men made camp at the side of the trail and slept well. (10)

Sir Butt Goes His Own Way

The morning sun had already hit their bed rolls as they awoke.  Having slept longer than normal after such a day as the day before had been.  Lucky Man and Right Hand Man could not quit talking about Sir Butt and his bravery.  All of the twists and recounts of the days battle went on for hours.  And Sir Butt just listened and smiled.  He knew that by the time those two reached their Point B the true story would be so enlarged it would be quite unbelievable indeed.  But there was nothing he could do about it except agree with whatever they were saying.  He knows he is a hero.  He knows he is the bravest dragon slayer in all of Common Ground.  He just knows he knows and he knows everything!  Just ask.

I must be off.  Said Sir Butt to the other two men.  Whereforst are you going Sir Butt?  Ask Lucky Man.  Over there.  Responded Sir Butt as he pointed his finger to his left in a slight arc.  You two are going to continue on this trail until it splits and then take the trail to the right.  It will lead you right to your Point B.  You are still a few days ride away, but the path should be safe now.  Said Sir Butt.

Sir Butt mounted Something, checked on Cash and his Account with his left hand and said Ado!  Both men stood near and gave Sir Butt a heros salute as he rode off toward the sun.

Sir Butt was en route now to the top of the highest mountain around those parts of Common Ground.  Sir Butt likes to sit atop a high vantage point and look for evil and dangers below.  He lives for that sort of thing you know.  His quest in life is to make certain all travelers go from their Points A to their Points B in safety.  Sir Butt has even been known to stop storms from hitting travelers as they travel.  He can stop the howling winds and driving rains.  It never snows in Common Ground but I would venture to bet a Crown Piece he could stop that too.  The man is THAT good.

Traveling up the steepest part of the hill now, he is very near the top.  Something slips and goes down on his front legs.  Sir Butt steps off and Something stands.  The two of them walk side by side the rest of the way to the top.  Sir Butt sits at the very peak of that hill and begins his scan of the valleys below.  Beautiful and peaceful valleys in all directions.  He can see travelers coming and going about their business far below.  He can see distant traces of villages scattered about Common Ground and the hinterlands are filled with the beauty that abounds in the land.  The sun is high and warm.  He leans back against a rock and falls to sleep.  In the meantime, Something is busy munching the green grass found on the hill.  A very peaceful place for a nap.

Sir Butt dreams of the past few days events and then in his dream he recalls the words of Right Hand Man….”I finished my schooling in Metalurgy”.  He awakens with that thought still in his head.  What exactly did Right Hand Man mean when he said that, he wonders.  Could it be that he lived in Metalurgy and studied the mining ways?  Did he learn to turn the metal layden rock into pure metal?  Did he learn to cook for the miners and the rock smitters?  Just what was his schooling in Metalurgy?

Side note:  What is a rock smitter?  Ah Ha!  I thought you would never ask.  A rock smitter is one who yields a very large and heavy hammer and brings it down upon the rocks outer surface and causes it to break into a smittering of pieces.

These questions must be answered, otherwise there is a hidden answer to a question that someone may ask him some day and he will not be able to tell them the answer.  And since Sir Butt knows all, at this point, he doesn’t and he jumps to his feet.  All a bit beside himself at this point, he knows he must go, post haste to find Right Hand Man and get the answer to the question that is bouncing around in  Sir Butt’s head.  It just will not leave.  Like the tune from a song it just keeps playing in his head and is about to drive him out of his ever loving mind.  Of course a lot of folks say he lost his mind some while back, but that is probably another story.

Sir Butt secures the reigns of Something and tells Something they must go in post haste to find Right Hand Man, but he says nothing about the question in his head.  Sir Butt does not want anyone, least his favorite steed to know,  he does NOT know EVERYTHING. (11)

With Something between his legs Sir Butt is off

Sir Butt is traveling as fast as Something will allow.  Galloping down the mountain side from which they ascended just a few hours before.  Sir Butt is preoccupied with the question that continually runs through his head.  He is not watching the trail ahead, he is trusting Something to do that, suddenly Sir Butt is knocked off his horse and onto the ground…KATHUMP!  Something realizes the weight loss and halts his advance and turns around to go back to Sir Butt.  A tree branch has swept Sir Butt right off the back of Something and onto the ground.  He gathers himself up, checks his Cash and Account and remounts Something.  I must be more careful.  He mutters aloud.  And heels  Something in the flanks and they continue their way down the trail.

Sir Butt is now well aware of his environment as he does not want another unsuspecting dismount to happen.  He is ducking left and right the branches that would otherwise knock him for a loop.  And on they go toward the trail from the Narrows.

They soon arrive at the trail where they left Lucky Man and Right Hand Man standing.  Of course there is no one there and after a brief pause to let Something  do his thing, so to speak,  they  hasten the pace up the trail in the direction away from the Narrows.  Sir Butt is no longer in such a great hurry, but they are moving at a pretty good gait.  He knows they will catch up with the two men in a short time.  He also knows they are not in a big hurry themselves, still having several days travel ahead of them before they reach their Point B.  Sir Butt begins to look around at the beautiful country side as they travel along.  It has been a very long time since he last visited this particular part of Common Ground.  It is as pretty as he remembered.

REMEMBERED?  Oh my, his mind suddenly goes back to the questions about Right Hand Man and the lack of the answer has him again puzzling his own self esteem.  He does NOT KNOW EVERYTHING!  And that is a maddening thing for him to think about. Sir Butt has always known everything, but now he doesn’t and he just has to have the answer quickly.   He will not be able to sleep until he does!

In the trail ahead come three travelers.  One on horseback the other two walking.  Something is drawn to a halt by Sir Butt before they get to within talking distance.  Sir Butt knows they must speak to the travelers, it is the custom of Common Ground to do so.  Sir Butt is also afraid he will be asked a question and perhaps he won’t know the answer to it.  He is again beside himself.  One of him says it will be alright, how could they ask him about Right Hand Man and his education.  The other of him says, turn and ride to the fork in the road and hide from them, they will ask you about Right Hand Man for sure.  What to do?  What to do?  A decision is made without a decision being made, as the travelers are now within talking distance.  Sir Butt is trapped!  His own decision making process has been crashed down upon him and now he is faced with just what might be his total undoing!  His reputation is about to be dashed.  And after such a momentous occasion just the day before too.

Good day sir!  Said one of the foot travelers.  Good Day right back at you.  Said Sir Butt, all confident like.  It looks like you are having a most splendid day.  Said the riding traveler.  I am having almost the most wonderful day of my life.  Responded Sir Butt and then he added, Wherest are thou heading.  Well we are heading to Point B, of course.  Said the second walking traveler.  And wherest be that Point?  Asked Sir Butt.  Over there!  Said the horse rider, as he pointed his index finger high and down in an arc.  Oh, I see!  Said Sir Butt.  You should make it there by tomorrow evening.  He continued.  And then added, I must be off, I have travelers ahead I must catch up with.  Oh do you mean Right Hand Man and Lucky Man?  Said the first foot traveler.  We just left them after a very long conversation.  Said the other foot traveler.  By chance are you Sir Butt?  Asked the horseman.  That be me, one and the same!  Said Sir Butt as he pushed out his chest.  Oh, we heard such a wonderful tale of your skills, bravery and cunningness, Sir Butt.  Can you add any more to the story they told us?  Said and asked the second foot traveler.  Nothing to add, I’m sure they told you every detail of the event and then some.  They didn’t mention anything about a flying dragon did they?  Sir Butt said and asked with a smile.

Sir Butt asked that question to throw the conversation off in another direction so that he might escape the inevitable question everyone asks about this time in the conversation.  That question is:  You are the smartest man around, you know everything don’t you?  He knows he can not answer that question with a yes, because HE knows HE DOES NOT KNOW EVERYTHING!!!

Sir Butt, started the man on the horse, You are the smartest man around, you know just how to kill a dragon don’t you?  Yes I do!  Smartly answered Sir Butt, again heaving his chest out with pride.  We have heard of you everywhere in Common Ground, Sir Butt.  Said the first foot traveler, and then he continued with, Is there anything you do not know?  My good man, I thank you for asking me that question.  Sir Butt responded with a very much relieved breath.  Not every man knows everything even if they think they do.  Not even I, the almost all knowledgeable one!  The Bravest of the Brave.  The dragon slayer of dragon slayers.  Not even I know it all.  The man on the horse says, Sir Butt, it is getting late and we must travel some before we set up camp for the night.  It was our pleasure to speak with such a man of your stature and eloquence.  Our humbleness thanks you!

And the two groups ride off in separate directions.  The three travelers and the two Sir Butt’s and Something.  You see Sir Butt is still beside himself.  He just dodged a flaming arrow (they didn’t have bullets in his day), a spear, a spike laden ball on a chain and several wenches and he knows it.  He knows most things now, but he still has to find the answer to the one thing he does NOT know.  (12)

Sir Butt catches up

As Sir Butt rides on, he sees his two companions from the day before up ahead sauntering along.  And so Sir Butt slows his pace.  He does not want them to suspect anything about him meeting back up with them.  Only that he had a change of plans and found himself on the same trail as they were on.  Something knows that Sir butt has this in mind and starts to drag his hoofs in the trail and causing a dust.  Something likes to make Sir Butt nervous and so he does things like this.  Something has surprises up his hock all the time and Sir Butt is never really surprised when Something pulls off a prank such as the one he is pulling at this time.  Sir Butt just accepts the dust as part of the days activities.  His main concern is learning what Right Hand Man meant by what he said.

As Sir Butt and Something approach the two travelers ahead Lucky Man turns his head and sees Sir Butt behind them and tells Right Hand Man that.  They both halt their progress and turn their steeds back toward the trail on which they came.  Sir Butt advances.

Hay Ho!  Sir Butt!  Yells Right Hand Man!   YO!  Cries back Sir Butt.  To what pleasure do you return to our traveling ways, Sir Butt?  Asks Lucky Man.  Oh, nothing really.  Answers Sir Butt.  I decded your Point B should be mine as well and turned around  before I got to my then Point B and commenced to come to your Point B, which is now my Point B.  One and the same.  We are fortunate indeed to have you as company with us Sir Butt.  Said Lucky Man.  I have been traveling fast to get to here from whenst I left and am in need of some drink, by chance do either of you have some ail?  Asks Sir Butt.  I do Sir Butt, but it is a bit weak.  Answered Right Hand Man.  That would be fine for a beggar.  Answered Sir Butt.  Beggar you are NOT Sir Butt, you are the bravest of the lot here in Common Ground.  It is my pleasure to share my meager ail.  Answered Right Hand Man.  Here, he adds, Take it and drink all to your hearts desire.  I thank you most kindly my good man!  Answers Sir Butt.

And Sir Butt takes the ail and it is satisfying beyond his imagination.  What is in this potion that quenches his thirst so very much?  Again Sir Butt is beside himself with such puzzlement.  One side saying it is just that he is so dehydrated it has gone straight to his head, while the other is saying it is a magic potion that he should avoid in the future.  No matter the reason, he is satisfied and life again is as good as it gets.

Again I thank you Right Hand Man!  Says Sir Butt.  Do you make this ail yourself or does someone else make it for you?  Asks Sir Butt.  It’s a combination of the two.  Answers Right Hand Man.  A good friend makes a part of it, and I add that to my part of it.  Together it turns out quite delicious if I do say so myself, which I just did.  The two parts compliment themselves into a fine mix of delightful pleasure and thirst quenching qualities that can only be found in this ail alone.  None other like it anywhere in Common Ground.  I know this for a fact because I have tasted ALL of the other ails in Common Ground and this one is the only one of its kind.  Boasts Right Hand Man.  Well it certainly does quench ones thirst and it certainly brings a delightful pleasure in partaking of it.  I would like to know what the ingredients are for my own knowledge.  Says Sir Butt.  I am willing to tell you what is in my part of it, Sir Butt, but I can not tell you what is in the other part, because I don’t know!  Answers Right Hand Man.  I should like to know what is in your part.  Says Sir Butt.  That is easy.  Says Right Hand Man.  It’s the water!  Plain and simple.  But it’s the water that only comes from the spring in Metalurgy.  Responds Right Hand Man.  Well, well.  Says Sir Butt.  Is the person that makes the other part living in Metalurgy at this time?  Asks Sir Butt.  Yes she is!  Answers Right Hand Man.  Very Well.  Said Sir Butt.

By the way Right Hand Man, you said once that you were from Metalurgy yourself.  Is that true?  Says and asks Sir Butt.  Right you are.  Responds Right Hand Man.  Continuing he adds;  As you know, Sir Butt, there are only two ways to get inside the walls surrounding Metalurgy.  One is to be born within its boundaries and the other is by special invitation.  The special invitation was how you yourself was allowed inside the walls.  How do you know I was ever inside the walls of Metalurgy, Right Hand Man?  Asks Sir Butt.  Ha!  Ha!  Laughs Right Hand Man with a large grin.  It was I that was the final convincing person stating that you should be invited into the city.  You see, I was a part of a very special team of men extracting the metal from the rock found in the mine there.  This special rock is known to contain some of the most precious metal in all of Common Ground.  Even more special than most of the metal found in Metalurgy’s mine which is of the finest quality, but this is even of finer quality.  Answers Right Hand Man.  But my invitation was from the owner of Metalurgy.  Says Sir Butt.  Yes, it was his hand writing on the invitation, but it was from our special team that we convinced him you needed to be invited inside the walls.  Responded Right Hand Man.  It was from my insistent urging that he was finally convinced.  Infact I was so insistent with my urging that they created a new decree and gave that special decree to me, naming me a “Metal Urgist” and they then allowed me to leave Metalurgy on my own accord.  I can come and go as I please.  And that is how I come to this place.  Answered Right Hand Man with a long breath.

Sir Butt now has the answer to his questions about Right Hand Man! (13)

Sir Butt is Beside Himself Again

Sir Butt has learned the lesson of Right Hand Man and has the answers to his questions resolved.  He is relaxed once again and all confident that he is all knowledgeable.  He knows all!  Still inquisitive about the invitation he received from the owner of the Metalurgy mine however, and so he continues to converse with Right Hand Man about the event.

Tell me Right Hand Man.  States Sir Butt.  What was the special team all about that you were a part of?  He asks.  Right Hand Man begins his answer:  We had discovered a vein of metal like none other in the mine.  The metal that was extracted was ten fold harder than the metal from the other portion of the mine.  We had to develop a way to extract it from the mine, smitten it, melt it down and then make items from it.  It took us several eons to do this, but when we were done, we had just enough to make the sword that you have on your side.  He said.  Do you mean to tell me this sword I call Cash is made from that special metal and that it is the only one of its kind?  Asked Sir butt.  Yes it is!  And it took the team of us quite some time to get it into the shape it is and to fine hone the edge.  There is nothing in Common Ground that can dull its sharp edge.  Explained Right Hand Man.  Continuing, he said, Once we had the sword made we knew that it should be presented to the best of the best!  The dragon slayer of dragon slayers.  And that you were the only one fitting that description.  We knew that if you came into Metalurgy and visited that we could present that sword to you and it would make you the proudest man in all of Common Ground.  And that because you are not a selfish man, you would do even more to make this land safer for the travelers.  And I am here to witness your battle yesterday with that fact, and concur without a shadow of doubt that we chose the right man for the receipt of that sword.

Holy Chit!  You are about to make tears come from my eyes.  Said Sir Butt.  But then, why should I think I am not worthy?  I am the most worthy of all!  I am the bravest of the brave!  The dragon slayer of all dragon slayers and this sword I call Cash makes me even more deserving to be called such!  I AM THE ALL KNOWING!  Continued Sir Butt.

And I might add, Sir Butt.  Interrupted Lucky Man.  I too witnessed before the eyes of the Almighty, your skills at handling that fine, one of a kind, sword you call Cash!  A finer show of gallantry has never and will never be seen again.  The ever sharp keen edge of Cash severed those three heads as if the heads were not even attached to that dragons body.  Something was as brave as well, to charge head long into the face of a possible melt down.  The unmistakable skills you portrayed were unmatched beyond belief. How right you are, how right you are!  Exclaimed Sir Butt, adding, You know men, the accolades are nice, but wouldn’t it save time if you just threw money instead?  (14)

Sir Butt Realizes another UNKNOWN

The three travelers, Sir Butt, Lucky Man and Right Hand Man continue their journey to their destination, Point B.  How much farther is Point B?  Asks Sir Butt.  Not too far now.  Just over there.  Says Lucky Man with a point in the direction and a very low arc.  I see.  Said Sir Butt.  One more night stay on the trail and by evening next, we should be arriving.  He added.  Yes, you are correct.  Replied Lucky Man.

Later that evening as they lay with their heads on their skivvy bags trying to sleep, Sir Butt realizes one more time that he does not know everything.  This time he is not so bothered by it and is able to finally go to sleep.  The next morning it is the first thing on his mind.  He mulls the question in his mind, without letting the others know he is being bothered by his own thoughts.  Conversations continue as would normally happen as they eat and prepare to mount up for the last leg of their destination to Point B.

Good morning!  Says Sir Butt to the other two.  Good morning!  The others say one at a time.  Would anyone care for some blood pudding jerky?  Asks Sir Butt.  Not I.  Said Right Hand Man.  Would you care for some of my hard roll raisin dungeon bread?  He adds.  HMMM!  Says Sir Butt, I have heard that is quite good.  Oh yes, it is very good.  Adds Right Hand Man.  I’ll take some of your Jerky.  Says Lucky Man.  And Sir Butt gives him a large chunk.  Meanwhile, Right Hand Man is slicing off a piece of his dungeon bread for Sir Butt.  Handing him the bread, Sir Butt says, Thank you!  Enjoy it Sir Butt.  Says Right Hand Man, then continues, you are very welcome my friend.  They are all munching away on their selected breakfast items and slugging down hot lamb broth that was prepared when they first got awake.  This bread is very delicious Right Hand Man.  Says Sir Butt.  I knew you would like it if you ever tasted it.  Responded Right Hand Man.  I have known about the making of such bread, but until now had never had the opportunity to partake of it.  Said Sir Butt.  It goes very well with the lamb broth as well.  He added.  Indeed it does.  Responded Right Hand Man.

Soon they were finished with their breakfast and were sitting upon their respective steeds.  Whom would like to lead the way?  Asks Sir Butt.  I shall lead this final leg of our journey.  Responded Lucky Man in a hurried voice.  And they commenced to travel.  Sir Butt and Right Hand Man are riding side by side, with of course Right Hand Man on Sir Butts right side.  Sir Butt brings up the subject of the ail he drank the day before.

That was some pretty good ail you gave me yesterday.  Said Sir Butt.  I’m glad you liked it Sir Butt and if I had more it would be a pleasure to grant you another taste, but that was the last of the lot I brought on this journey with me.  Responded Right Hand Man.  Tell me again about the part that someone else makes and you add your special water to.  Inquisitively says Sir Butt.  Well sir, it is like I said before.  Started Right Hand Man.  I get that part from my friend and then I add just the right amount of the special water that is only found in Melalurgy.  I do not know what is in the part she supplies me, all I know is it sure makes the ail taste good and with a bit of a buzz I might add.  An absolute buzz for certain my man.  Said Sir Butt with a grin.  Do you think your friend would share her secret with me?  Asked Sir Butt.  I don’t rightly know Sir Butt, said Right Hand Man, but if you are ever in Metalurgy, please look me up and we will go over to her place and I will introduce you to her.  She is quite a beautiful young wench and never been married.  I will do that.  Said Sir Butt.

Sir Butt must know what is in the part that Right Hand Man adds the water to.  Without the knowledge of what is in it, he DOES NOT KNOW EVERYTHING!  And of course this bothers him some.  He isn’t really taken aback by the lack of knowledge of such as this, but if someone ever asks him if he knows everything he will have to say NO!  And that is what REALLY bothers Sir Butt.  Afterall, he is the ALL KNOWLEGEABLE ONE.  Not the ALMOST all knowledgeable one.   What Sir Butt fails to recognize is the fact that as time goes on, he is losing ground by leaps and bounds on knowing EVERYTHING.  People are inventing things as we speak and he does not know about those things.  After all, he did not know of the special metal found in the Metalurgy mines!  But did that bother him?  Not in the least, because he did not know about it and he still boasted all about the land that he was the ALL KNOWLEGEABLE ONE!  No body REALLY cares, except he himself.  Do YOU care?  Of course not!  Me neither!  But on with the story.


Point B is reached

Late in the afternoon of this traveling day they could see the village ahead which is their destination.  They have finally reached their Point B!  They are very much relieved.  Especially Lucky Man!  They enter the village and Sir Butt and Right Hand Man proceed directly to the tavern.  The tavern happens to be in the exact center of the village.  And you might want to note this in case of a test, the taverns are always in the center of every village in all of Common Ground.  After all, it is the meeting place of all the fine gentlemen and wenches and ladies that inhabit the village.  If it weren’t in the center of the village some folks living on the edge would have to walk or ride farther than the ones living on the other edge.  Anyone should be able to see the unfairness of that arrangement.

As the two approach the tavern, Lucky Man is going on down the trail through the center of the village.  Lucky Man!  Yells out Sir Butt.  Drinks are on me!  Sir Butt!  Yells back Lucky Man.  My home is in this village, and I have been away from my woman for many months.  I believe this is Lucky Man’s Lucky Day!  And he continues to ride off toward his home.

Well, Lucky Man most certainly should get lucky tonight.  Said Right Hand Man.  Right O.  Said Sir Butt.  As for us, let me buy you a drink!  Continued Sir Butt.  At your pleasure Sir Butt.  Responded Right Hand Man.

Inside the tavern there were many, many folks from the village.  The two men were greeted heartedly by all the folks there and everyone was happy and talking and having a good old time indeed.  Sir Butt and Right Hand Man stepped to the bar and were served a most excellent grog mug of ail!  They toasted the event and chugged down the drink!  It was good and they smiled as they lowered the empty mugs and asked for another!  That is pretty good ail there Right Hand Man.  Said Sir Butt, and then added, But nothing compared to yours!  It sure makes the dust settle in a mans throat after a long day of traveling.  Said Right Hand Man.  It certainly does.  Replied Sir Butt.  And they slugged down that mug of ail almost as fast as the first one.  MMMMMM!

Well from an outsiders perspective the two of them are pitching down those ails one after another with each one getting a little slower to go down than the one before it.  And the one after is a bit slower than the one that was just been drank.  And this goes on and on for several hours.  Pretty soon the two are leaning hard against the bar just holding onto the handle of the mug and sipping once in a great while.

Well!  Said Sir Butt in a bit of a slurred voice.  I must tell you of my observation just now.  He added and then turned slightly toward Right Hand Man.  Right Hand Man turns slightly toward Sir Butt so as the two can make eye contact.  Right Hand Man knows that Sir Butt is about to embellish him with some vast knowledge of his and he does not want to miss out on the lesson.  Right Hand Man staggers a bit backward as he turns but manages to catch himself with the hand that does not hold the mug.

What I have observed my dear Right Hand Man is this.  Exclaims Sir Butt and he goes on.  We came in here and got ourselves a really nice mug of ail and drank it very fast and it was good and it settled the dust.  Then we got ourselves another and drank it down almost as quickly as the first one and it too was good and it washed down more dust.  Then we had the man get us a third mug of ail and we drank it down, but it was drank much slower than the first two.  While we drank that we had ourselves a little conversation.  Then we ordered up another.  This one took longer yet to drink and we engaged in even more conversation than before.  Well, now look at us.  We are doing much more talking than we are drinking.  Let me ask you Right Hand Man.  Can you pinpoint what my point is with all of this?  HMMM?

Right Hand Man puts down his mug and rubs his forehead with the hand that held the mug.  Still holding onto the bar with the other hand so as not to fall.  No sir.  Said Right Hand Man, I can not think of what your point is with this Sir Butt.

Well, let me tell you Right Hand Man, said Sir Butt , and he went on,  It is what I call the Law of Diminishing Returns.  The Law of what?  Asked Right Hand Man.  The Law of Diminishing Returns.  Sir Butt explained.  Let me show you how it works.  We drank ail and it was very good.  Then we dank more ail and it was good, but not very good.  Then we drank ail and it too was good but not as good as good nor as good as very good.  Then we drank more ail and it too was good, but not as good as good or good or good or very good.  And finally we dank more ail and it still is good, because it is still in our mugs, but it’s not as good as good or good or good or good or very good.  Now is it?

Oh yes, I see your point exactly Sir Butt.  Responded Right Hand Man.  You are certainly a wealth of knowledge.  Do you make these things up Sir Butt?

I just put things into perspective my dear friend Right Hand Man!  Said Sir Butt.  The more you get to know me the more you will understand that my brain is working constantly and very seldom slows to rest.  He added.  Should we look at the converse side of this conversation about the Law of Diminishing Returns?  What do you mean sir?  Asked Right Hand Man.  I mean, if our drinking of ail was all about the Law of Diminishing Returns, then our increasing conversation between drinking mugs of ail, must have an equal and opposite law, should it not, Right Hand Man?  Explained Sir Butt.  I suppose so.  Said Right Hand Man, stumbling back and then catching himself with his hand again.  Sir Butt, let’s just call it the Law of Increasing conversation, because I’m not getting much of a return on it.  Exclaimed Right Hand Man, who suddenly releases his grip on the bar and passes out on the floor.  Ok.  Says Sir Butt to himself and he turns and orders up another ail while he waits for his friend to wake up. How would you like a friend like Sir Butt?   (16)

Wenches abound

With Sir Butt standing alone at the bar and his friend Right Hand Man down and out on the floor, Sir Butt suddenly finds himself surrounded by beautiful wenches.  They are all touching his large muscular forearms and his broad shoulders.  One even touched his Cash and another asked about his Account.  Of course being the gentleman he is, he ordered them all up a mug of ail.  One did not want the ail, but asked if he would get her a large pickle from the jar behind the bar.  Of which he obliged quite willingly. She was the prettiest of the wenches, in his humble opinion.  He noticed how she would look him in the eye as she placed the pickle in her mouth and carefully bit down on it.  It took her a long time to finally eat it and he thought that to be quite strange indeed.  After all a pickle is a pickle is a pickle, just eat it for heavens sake.

His friend was groaning and finally waking up from his nap.  Sitting on the floor looking up at Sir Butt and his harem of wenches, he quickly rose and grasped the bar.  Smiling ever so intently at the wenches and eyeing each one up and down making sure he was seeing what he thought he was seeing.  Which of course he was seeing what he was seeing because he was seeing.  His mind was still numb from the law of whatever conversation that had preceded his nap and he was unable to converse with the wenches.  This made him uneasy and so he excused himself to the loft where the horses had been tethered.  Sir Butt stayed with the wenches.

A chicken crowed right above their heads early the next morning and both men awoke with a start.  What in heavens name was that?  Asked Sir Butt in a loud voice.  Keep the noise down, Sir Butt, my head is killing me.  Said Right Hand Man.  My head is killing me too.  Explained Sir Butt.  What a lovely village this is.  He added.  What do you mean by that?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Well, after you left and came to the loft here, the man behind the bar told me that all of the drinks we had partaken of and even the pickle given to one of the wenches was on the house!  Said Sir Butt.  Wow.  Why was that?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Because word had gotten to the village that we had slain the three headed fire breathing dragon in the Narrows and that made it a safe trail for travelers to use.  He explained that by opening up that trail, it created a short cut to nearly all of the other half of Common Ground and the people of the village wanted to show how much they appreciated us.  Exclaimed Sir Butt in detail.  What about the wenches Sir Butt?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Don’t you remember, you romantic devil you?  Said Sir Butt.  No!  Cried Right Hand Man and he put his head in both of his hands and wept.  (17)

Off to Point B,  Metalurgy

Several days pass as the two enjoy their stay in the village.  The people of the village continue to patronage them and their success in slaying the dragon down in the Narrows.  They held celebration after celebration and could not hear about how Sir Butt Slayed the dragon enough.  Lucky Man and Right Hand Man did all the talking and the people would cheer and cheer loudly and some even threw money at Sir Butts feet.  Sir Butt loved that part of it and he would swell up his chest and even draw Cash out of his Account and wave it about.  All in all it was a sight of sights and it could not have happened to three nicer men in all the land.  Of course Sir Butt explained the other two’s important role in defeating the fire breathing beast and that spurred the two of them into telling the tale to an even greater magnitude than it already was.

Early on the fifth day, Sir Butt arose and said it was time for him to go.  He explained to Right Hand Man that his next Point B was to be Metalurgy.  Right Hand Man was also thinking that Metalurgy would be his next Point B as well and the two of them decided that they would travel together.  A good idea, especially on the part of Right Hand Man, who did not have any means to defend himself, should the need arise.  They mounted their steeds and slipped out of Point A and on their way to Point B .  The night before, Sir Butt had told Lucky Man, that he planned on  leaving on the next morning and to thank the village people for their extreme hospitality and that he would never forget them as long as he lives.  Of course Lucky Man told the village people how grateful Sir Butt and Right Hand Man were to be treated like the best of the best that they were.

Metalurgy was quite some distance from Point A but it gave the two men time to really get to know each other.  You see, Sir Butt and Right Hand Man had only known each other for a few weeks.  As they traveled, however, their friendship became very strong indeed.  They had a lot in common in Common Ground.  They knew a lot of the same people, especially in the village of Metalurgy.  But they also knew scholars and trainers in other facets of their lives.

Riding along conversing about who knows what, Sir Butt suddenly throws up his right  hand in front of Right Hand Man, who has become accustomed to riding on Sir Butt’s  right side.  Halt!  Says Sir Butt in a rather low but firm voice.  Something is sensing danger and is shrinking.  He continued.  As he pulls back the reigns of Something.  They set on their steeds looking around for anything out of the ordinary.  Nothing do they see.  Sir Butt does not say anything, but he slightly heels Something and they begin to ride forward.  Right Hand Man stays back  about 10 feet and the two continue to travel along the trail at a slow pace.  Something is telling Sir Butt that there is some sort of danger in the trail, but he does not shrink like he did in the Narrows.  This is danger alright, but not like a three headed fire breathing dragon kind of danger.

Suddenly behind him Sir Butt hears Right Hand Man cry out in pain!  OUCH!  OUCH!  Sir Butt grabs for Cash and spins Something on a farthing expecting to face whatever was getting Right Hand Man.  What he sees is a very large gathering of Minute dragons dancing and biting at Right Hand Man and his steed.  The man and his steed are jumping left and right, up and down and Right Hand Man is yelling and trying to kick and hit the beasts with his boots and hands.  They have him out numbered by hundreds and  Sir Butt knows they need to get down the trail at a gallop most hurriedly now.

Sir Butt cries out to Right Hand Man, Heel your steed!  Heel your steed!  Down the trail!  We must get out of here now!  Go Right Hand Man!  And Right Hand Man hears what Sir Butt is yelling and he heels his steed and lays low against its neck and down the trail they go passing Sir Butt and Something as they go.  Sir Butt spins Something and heels his flanks and they too go galloping down the trail as fast as Something can go.  Behind them in the chase are hundreds of Minute dragons trying to catch up to them, but the steeds are much faster and the two men  on their steeds are miles ahead of the dragons when the dragons give up the chase.

They have given up the chase Right Hand Man!  Yells Sir Butt,  They have stopped chasing us!  You can reign in now!  Sir Butt yelled again.  And at that Right Hand Man pulls back on the reigns a bit and his steed begins to slow.  They travel quite some distance before Right Hand Man actually brings his steed to a halt and Sir Butt catches up to him.  Along side of Right Hand Man, Sir Butt looks at him and sees trickles of blood coming from his legs, arms, chest, back and neck.  Those little critters really got you didn’t they?  Said Sir Butt in an asking sort of way.  I could not believe how they were attacking me from all sides, top and bottom!  Said Right Hand Man.  That was the first time I have ever been attacked like that in my lifetime.  Added Right Hand Man.  I have had a couple encounters with them in my past ,but not like that.  We must have been close to their den.  He continued.  I suspect you are right about that, Right Hand Man.  Said Sir Butt.  We must tend to your wounds so that infection does not set in.  You have enough bites to be of much concern.  He continued.

What about the steed?  Minute dragons can not bite through hide as thick as a steed’s hide.  Only thin skinned animals and man.  Remember this fact, it might just be on your next test.

They settled in for the night along side the trail in a nice safe place out of view of anyone else traveling the trail.  Minute dragons are the only dragons that Sir Butt can not fight and win.  They swarm over their victims and bite and bite.  They are not big enough to stick with a sword and a boot and or a hand is about all that can smash them.  They are fragile little creatures and more of a pest than a big problem, but if enough of them bite you it can cause death.  Such is almost the case with Right Hand Man.

Sir Butt extracted medication from the foliage of the vines hanging around their camp and plastered each of the wounds on Right Hand Man with it.   Right Hand Man was grateful and  told Sir Butt he was.  And then he fell asleep.  The poison from the bites makes the victim tired.  Sir Butt tended to Right Hand Man all through the night and did not get any sleep himself, but when Right Hand Man awoke  the swelling in the bites had gone down to nearly nothing.  The pain has subsided to a dull ache and he felt hungry.  Another of the traits of the bites.  Sir Butt fed him Jerky and some of Right Hand Mans own bread.  He felt good enough to ride after a few hours.  We must go on our way, Sir Butt.  Said Right Hand Man.  I can not thank you enough for taking care of me like you did.  He continued and then he said, I owe you one Sir Butt.  It was nothing, Right Hand Man.  Said Sir Butt, You would have done the same for me.  I know nothing about medicines, Sir Butt.  Said Right Hand Man, I am not all knowledgeable like you are.  Let us go.  Said Sir Butt.  And at that they mounted their steeds and began slowly up the trail to their Point B.

How are you feeling now?  Asked Sir Butt, after about an hour of riding.  I have a few aches, but other than that the swelling is gone.  Replied Right Hand Man.  Good!  Said Sir Butt.  I think it is time I took a short nap as we ride.  Something will keep in the trail along side your steed.  There is no need to worry about him.  Continued Sir Butt and then he fell to sleep.

As they rode along, Right Hand Man had a lot to think about.  To arrive back at Metalurgy would be good for him.  He had been away for quite some time since being given the papers saying he was a Metal Urgist and then given the key to the gate outside.  It would be good to see the people from that village again.  His thoughts were on the young wench whom he received his ail portions from and how good she really looks.  It will be nice to see her again and of course to introduce her to Sir Butt and that maybe she will share her secret ingredients with.  He made his mind up he will do all he can to convince her to share the secret with Sir Butt.  After all he OWED Sir Butt for the care he gave him last night.

It was not long before Sir Butt woke and started looking around to make sure he knew where they were.  It’s been a very long time since I was in this part of Common Ground, my friend.  Said Sir Butt.  It’s quite a pretty place.  Said Right Hand Man.  Yes it is.  Replied Sir Butt.  There are no dragons living here.  Stated Sir Butt.  How do you know that?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Because dragons like deep grasses and under growth, rock outcroppings and deep dark stinking places like the Narrows.  This place has none of that.  Said Sir Butt.  This place would make a man a very nice place to live.  Said Sir Butt.  But villages are the place to live.  Replied Right Hand Man.  There are no places out here to purchase goods and ail.  He added.  You are so right.  Said Sir Butt.  But, the quiet and solitude of this place is appealing to me.  He added.  Not for me.  Exclaimed Right Hand Man.  I need wenches and ail.  Good food, entertainment and merriment.  He went on.  A solidtudinal life is not for me Sir Butt.  It takes all kinds to make up this here Common Ground my friend Right Hand Man, all kinds.  Responded Sir Butt.  Sir Butt, let me ask you, have you ever seen a solidtudinal man living away from a village, while you have been out and about in your travels through Common Ground?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Never!  Answered Sir Butt.  Then, why would you wish that upon yourself?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Perhaps my intent would be to begin the growing of another village.  Answered Sir Butt,  and he continued.  I could build up a village much like that of Metalurgy and only allow my friends in to visit and to build themselves homes and businesses.   I see.  Said Right Hand Man.  And what would you call your village, Sir Butt?  He asked.  I have not thought of that before, Right Hand Man, but since you asked, perhaps I would call the village Sir Buttville, and I would live in a large home I would call Buttingham Palace!  It has a nice ring to it don’t you think?  Answered Sir Butt.  It does have a nice ring to it Sir Butt, a very nice ring to it.  Replied Right Hand Man.

And on they rode until nearly dark.  (18)

Almost to Point B, Metalurgy

After a few days travel, they realize they are getting quite close to their Point B.  Again Sir Butt reminds himself of why he is going there.  His knowledge of what is in the part that makes Right Hand Mans ail so very good is hanging in the balance.  He must know the ingredients.  Sir Butt turns slightly toward Right Hand Man, so he can look him in the eye, and asks.  Do you honestly think the maiden from whom you get the part from for your ail, will tell me the ingredients?  Well Sir, we can only ask and hope she will divulge it.  Replied Right Hand Man.  And what if she won’t?  Asked Sir Butt.  HMMMM.  Began Right Hand Man.  I am not entirely sure what we could do.  We are a civil people and so it would not be good to put her on a stretching rack to make her talk.  Nor would it be good to punish her in any way atol as I see it.  So it all boils down to her willingness.  If she does not want us to know, she will say so and that will be all there is to it.  You said she was not married, did you not Right Hand Man?  Asked Sir Butt.  That is correct Sir Butt.  Answered Right Hand Man.  Let us suppose she were to marry.  Said Sir Butt, She would most likely allow her husband to know the secret do you not think Right Hand Man?  Perhaps.  Responded Right Hand Man, But I do not know if she would even allow her husband to know the ingredients.  She is a very head strong young woman and that is one reason she has not married.  He continued.  Why it was not long ago, she was asked to go into another village where she was to meet a gentleman that just might take her hand.  But there was a tift between her and him after the very first night they met and she came storming back to Metalurgy vowing never to leave the confines of the village again.  To say the least she was VERY Angry!  (He continued with a smile on his face).  Almost to the point of being funny.  She was throwing things and kicking dust and cussing like I have not even heard the hardest of the wenches in any village cuss.  Everyone in Metalurgy was talking about her and her bout of fit.  And I might add it went on for a long time.  It sounds like some lad tried to take advantage of her.  Replied Sir Butt.  I do not know.  Said Right Hand Man.  But if I was that young lad I sure as heck would not let her see MY face again as long as I lived.  I’m afraid Common Ground might have its first beheading of a man, right then and there!  Said Right Hand Man.  That is sort of funny, Right Hand Man.  Said Sir Butt.  I can not think of anything that would make a maiden that mad at someone.  He went on.  (19)

Arriving in Metalurgy, Point B is reached

Halt at the gate!  Cries out the gate watcher.  And the two halt their advance.  Who goes there?  Again cries the gate watcher.  It is I Right Hand Man and my friend here is Sir Butt.  Yelled back Right Hand Man.  Just a moment while I check the ledger for your names, it will only take a moment.  The names are in alphabetical order.  Yelled the gate watcher.  A few moments pass and then the gate watcher comes toward the two with a ledger in his hand.  I see Sir Butt on the ledger and Sir Butt you may enter at your pleasure.  But as for you Right Hand Man, your name is NOT on the ledger and I must have you turn your steed around and undarken the path into our village.  This place is only for persons who live here, were born here or have been invited to be here by the owner of the mine within the boundaries of this wall. The gate watcher said.  But I live here and I was born here.  Replied Right Hand Man with a disgust to his voice.  You sir are violating the standards by which the village of Metalurgy exists my good man, and if you do not wish to be tethered to that tree behind you, you will remove your steed and yourself from this property immediately!  Responded the gate watcher.  And then the gate watcher yelled for the mounted guards just behind the wall, to come forward!

Suddenly 15 mounted and heavily armored men  came through the gate and towards Sir Butt and Right Hand Man.  Sir Butt, said to Right Hand Man.  Perhaps I should leave now.  And Right Hand Man just sat there wondering what in the heavens sake was happening and why his name was not on the ledger.

The armed men surrounded the two travelers.  Each armed man had a sword in his hands that glistened in the sun.  Each of them were fully clothed in armor from their heads to their feet.  Each of them had a steed that stood 20 hands tall and were well exercised.  This did not look good for Right Hand Man.  The man in charge of these 15 mounted men asked the gate watcher what the trouble was.  He responded by saying:  This mans name is on the ledger and may proceed inside the gate to Metalurgy.  And he pointed to Sir Butt.  This mans name is NOT on the ledger and he refuses to leave these premises.  And he points to Right Hand Man.  The man in charge looks at Sir Butt and says, You may enter!  And motions Sir Butt to move along.   Sir Butt begins to move but then stops and turns around to see what will happen to Right Hand Man.  Did he not say he was from Metalurgy and did he not say he was honored with a paper granting him a Metal urgy reward.  And did he not say he knew others within the boundaries of Metalurgy?  Sir Butt believes that Right Hand Man was in fact born within these boundaries and was raised to work in the mine and was on a special committee to decide on the doings of a special metal they found in the mine.  Sir Butt believes all of this with all of his heart and NOW it looks as if Right Hand Man is about to be dismembered from head to toe and tossed out into the brush for the vultures.

The man in charge of the 15 armored men looked into Right Hand Mans eyes with a glare that would stop a charging dragon and said in a low and commanding voice.  YOU SIR have been asked to leave and YOU SIR have chosen to stay and now it is my task to dismount you from your steed with the swiftness of 15 swords and let the big chunks fall where they may.  Right Hand Man has every right to be sweating profusely as this man speaks.  He is about to be struck down by 15 huge men on 15 huge steeds and he is trying his best to not faint right on the spot.

Suddenly Right Hand Man yells out.  AL EX!  My name on the ledger is AL EX!!  And he continued…I received the name of Right Hand Man while on the trail and this man (pointing to Sir Butt) gave me the name of Right Hand Man.  I have gotten so used to it, I forgot my old name was Al Ex!  Please check the ledger for Al EX!!!!!  The gate watcher shuffles the pages of the ledger and sure enough there is Al Ex listed on the page.  He exclaims, Here it is, plain as plain.  Al Ex.  Just as he says.   But wait!  Commands the man in charge of the 15 armored men.  How can we be certain this man did not make up a name of someone he knows has his name on the ledger and is just making it up?  Hold your steeds mister man in charge!  Said Right Hand Man.  I have papers to prove I am Al Ex.  And he rifles through his saddle pouch and finds the papers signed by the mine owner granting him his certificate of Metal Urgy.  He hands it to the gate watcher, who looks at it and then hands it up to the man in charge of the 15 armored men.  The man in charge of the 15 armored men, hands the paper back to Right Hand Man and says.  I’d get the name on that paper changed as soon as I could.   Do you realize just how close you came to becoming a pile of bile on the ground under your steeds feet?  Do you realize all I had to do was drop my left  hand down and 14 swards would have taken you off of that steed with 14 swipes?  You sir are a Lucky Man!  Actually.  Said Right Hand Man.  Lucky Man is back at his home at our Point A.  OOOOOOOOOOO!  Said the man in charge of the 15 men.  Let’s go men!  Dang it!  I thought this time we were going to get to use the swords we were issued back in….gees…I can’t even remember back that long ago.

And Sir Butt and Right Hand Man were allowed to enter into the walls of Metalury. (20)

Inside the walls at long last

That was a very disturbing thing to go through Sir Butt.  Said Right Hand Man.  It was indeed Right Hand Man.  I thought for certain those 15 men were going to slice you into 15 parts right there on the spot.  Replied Sir Butt.  Did you see me sweating?  Asked Right Hand Man.  I did not, but I can imagine.  Said Sir Butt.  I’m glad you thought about the name you were known by when you left this place last.  He continued.  Who would have thought I would not have thought about my name like that?  Asked Right Hand Man.  He went on to say; I have just gotten so used to my new name that the old name was almost totally forgotten.  Until of course I was faced with sure slicedom.  Let’s venture to the tavern and have an ail.  I have sweat way too much of late.

And they traveled into the center of Metalurgy where the tavern is located.  Remember that the tavern is in the center of every village, to accommodate equal staggering home for all the residence.  Reaching the tavern the two travelers dismount and tether their steeds near by.  Watch out, Sir Butt!  Exclaimed Right Hand Man.  You almost stepped in that pile of horse do.  YO!  That was close.  Said a leaping Sir Butt.  Thanks for the warning.  He continued.

Walking inside the tavern they notice the place is fully loaded with villagers.    They stand at the bar and order an ail .  Sipping on the ail, Sir Butt says;  This ail is very good!  How do they chill it?  He asked.  There is a spring that flows under the tavern and on out past the wall and down into the valley.  Answered Right Hand Man.  They place the kegs of ail into the flowing water and it chills it down in a matter of minutes.  Again Sir Butt asks, I have never seen such a way to pour ail.  How is that done?  Do you mean that he only has to place the mug under that spigot and out pours the ail?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Yes!  He places the mug under that hosey thingy and pinches  the hosey thingy and out pours ail.  When he releases the hosey thingy the ail stops flowing.  I never would have imagined.  Said Sir Butt.  Oh, the things we learn, Sir Butt.  Said Right Hand Man.  Going on to explain just what Sir Butt was seeing.  Sir Butt, that spring flow I told you about that runs under the tavern, well it begins high up on the mountain and flows until it reaches a large lake in the valley.  The kegs of ail are placed in the stream about 200 yards up the hill from the tavern.  There is a large shed built over the stream at that point and the kegs are all placed in the stream inside that shed.  Each keg is attached to the other in a straight line down the stream and between each keg is a hose connecting one keg to the other in a series.  And then a very long hose is directed into the tavern and culminates at that spigot.  Gravity causes the ail to flow down that hose and when the man squeezes the hose it allows the ail to continue its journey into the mug.  Quite simple and very effective I might add.  Replied Right Hand Man with some degree of confidence.  Well I’ll be a dumb founded fool.  Said Sir Butt.  And who came up with such a clever idea as that?  He asked.  When I was but a child I played in the cold stream up on that mountain and I began to notice that the stream flowed in only one direction.  Began Right Hand Man.  And I also noticed that if I rolled a rock down the mountain it too rolled in only one direction and that happened to be the same direction as the stream flowed.  Deducing that there must be some kind of natural phenomena going on to cause such things, I presented to the council that they could save a lot of time not having to lift kegs of ail up and pouring it into a mug, if they would place the keg up above the mug and just opening a spigot to allow the ail to flow out.  They did and everyone was amazed.  It was next that I suggested they put the keg in the stream above the tavern and allow it to cool before they lift if up and so forth.  Next, I invented the hose and suggested they place the hose on the end of the spigot of the keg in the stream and extend that hose into the tavern where another spigot was attached for ease in getting the ail into the mug.  Long windely Right Hand Man explained.  And you were just a wee lad at that time in your life?  Asked Sir Butt.  Yes I was.  Said Right Hand Man. Perhaps about 4 years of age at the time.  What on Common Ground made you consider anything to do with ail?  Asked Sir Butt as he ordered them another mug of ail.  My mother.  Replied Right Hand Man.  You see she was eying this man who frequented this tavern after my father passed.  He was a nice enough man, but my mother wished he would spend more time with her and less time in here.  So, in order for him to get his supply of ail inside him and get home to her, I knew I had to speed up the process of getting ail into the mugs.  This idea worked well and has been employed ever since.  Responded Right Hand Man.  Clever indeed!  Exclaimed Sir Butt.  Clever indeed. (21)

Another realization hits Sir Butt

Sir Butt is thinking “again”.  This time about what Right Hand Man just told him about the invention of his to get ail chilled and into the mugs without having to lift the ail barrels and pouring the contents, or even lifting the barrels up onto the bar and using the spigot to fill the mug.  A very brilliant idea….but HE DID NOT KNOW THIS!    At least until just now!  Is Sir Butt missing out on very important facts and tidbits of trivia while he is traveling about Common Ground.  He has encountered several incidences of late that tell him he DOES NOT KNOW EVERYTHING.  Which also leads him to believe that perhaps knowing everything all the time may not be so important at this time as it had been in the past.  And so, he is convincing himself that to know everything, all the time, may just be an impossible undertaking, and to think he could do that makes him somewhat of a crazy lunatic.

He turns to Right Hand Man and says politely.  I did not know you invented such as that.  I tout myself as the ALL KNOWING one and for me to admit to you just now makes me think I might have to change my ways and not say I’m all knowing anymore.  Right Hand Man also politely says to Sir Butt.  One can say they are all knowing, such as you do, Sir Butt and still not know everything.  To say you are all knowing, is just a figure of speech.  After all, you do know a very lot, but you can not in all reality know everything. There are just too many things happening around Common Ground that you can not possibly know.  Everyone understands that.  Let us drink another ail and toast to “the all knowing Sir Butt” even though we both know Sir Butt does not know everything about everything.  And they do!

OK, Right Hand Man!  Said Sir Butt.  Now that I have a new attitude about my all knowing self.  I guess the reason I have come to Metalurgy was to meet this maiden you speak of and get the ingredients to her part of your ail.  The best ail I have ever tasted, mind you.  Do you think we could meet her soon?  He said and then asked.  Of course you will meet her shortly.  Said Right Hand Man.  She comes in here for a mug of ail every day about this time.  We shall stay right here until she comes in and when she has had her drink of ail, I will introduce you to her.  We must let her have her first mug of ail alone, because if we disturb her drinking that first mug, her attitude is not a good one.  He added.  I have never heard of a maiden having to have a mug of ail before anyone can talk to her before.  Said Sir Butt.  Another thing to add to my “I didn’t know list”.  He added.  Yes.  Responded Right Hand Man.  She makes it very clear to everyone in Metalurgy not to disturb her while she sips her first mug of ail.  It is her time to reflect back on a day when she met a very handsome man and was somehow made a fool of.  It scarred her deeply.  Once she is finished with that mug of ail, she welcomes friendly discussions with everyone and is quite a cheery and beautiful maiden.  Said he.  I think I here her horse outside as I speak.  Right Hand Man added.

The two men turn and look toward the door.  And in walked a most beautiful maiden indeed.  The tavern is somewhat dark inside and when entering from the sunny outside it takes a while for the eyes to adjust to the darkened room.  She stands just inside and waits until her eyes adjust before walking to the bar.  In the meanwhile the bartender pours her favorite mug of ail and sets it on the bar.  Nearly all the men in the tavern are looking at her.  She is very, very, very, very beautiful.  Did I say how pretty she was?

Sir Butt turns back and stares down toward the floor behind the bar.  He pulls his head into his neck and holds onto his mug with both hands wrapped around it like the mug might escape his grasp.  Right Hand Man feels Sir Butt make that move and he too turns toward the bar and looks upon the un-Sir Butt like figure next to him.  What is your matter, Sir Butt?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Do you not like to look at beautiful women?  He continued.  Are you not right in the head my good fellow?  Said he still.  Don’t tell me you are of the kind who is a man, but thinks like a woman would toward another man.  He egged.  Speak not such things about me, Right Hand Man.  Said Sir Butt.  I am a man of men and love wenches and beautiful women.  This beautiful woman and I have met before.  He continued.  You have?  Asked Right Hand Man.  When could you possibly have met her?  She lives here in Metalurgy and this is just your second visit here in your lifetime.  He asked and then said.  Well my good man.  Started Sir Butt.  Her name is Merrily Buxum.  Does that tell you anything?  WHOOAA!  Said Right Hand Man.  You HAVE met her.  Yes I have.  Said Sir Butt.  And when we departed she was not the merriest of Marrily Buxum I might add.  He continued and then continued some more.  I’m not sure it is a good idea that she sees me in here right now.  Oh, but you must meet her again and now is the perfect time for that, Sir Butt.  Said Right Hand Man.  She is just about finished with her ail.  He added.  Oh dear me.  Said Sir Butt.  I have an awful feeling about this meeting.  He continued.  My good man, Sir Butt.  Spoke Right Hand Man.  You are the all knowing, the bravest of the brave, the dragon slayer of all dragon slayers and you have week knees at this moment.  For heaven sake and for the good of all in Common Ground you must take control of your senses and become the chest heaved brave one that you are.  He stated boldly.  Now let us go and meet Merrily Buxom again, Sir Butt.  Right Hand Man added.  (22)

Sir Butt makes eye contact with Merrily Buxom

The last time Sir Butt saw Merrily Buxum, she was extremely mad at him!  He did not even stick around to hear the end of what she was saying because he knew she would continue calling him names and would go on probably forever and forever was too much time for him to be wasting.  He had to get down the trail to make a safe passage for his two friends Lucky Man and Right Hand Man.

Sir Butt is walking slowly behind Right Hand Man as they approach Merrily Buxum.  She can not see him behind Right Hand Man.  Right Hand Man said, Well Hello Merrily!  It’s been some time since I saw you last!  She looks up and smiles a big smile and says to him.  Well Hello Al Ex, it has been a long time!  I need to give you a hug.  And she threw her arms around his neck and pulled her small frame up to give him a peck on the neck and a big hug.  As she did, her eyes peered over Right Hand Man’s left shoulder and right then and there she saw Sir Butt standing.  Staring into his eyes as  she gave Right Hand Man a very big and long hug.  And then she slid down and placed her feet back on the ground.  Right Hand Man said to her, Merrily I would like to introduce you to Sir….But he never got the last word out before she started into a frantic “mad as a wet hen”, woman rave.  She began; Stop right there Al Ex, I know who this scoundrel of a man is behind your back.  And she started to move around Right Hand Man and toward Sir Butt.  Pointing her finger into his face, right between his eyes I might add.  This is the CAD I have been thinking about since I returned to Metalurgy several weeks ago.  This is the person who was so low as to leave me alone with tavern dwellers all night long while he went out to check on his horse.  This is the beast who slapped me without so much as touching me and who broke my spirit into a million pieces and has caused me heartache and  wrenching sleepless nights and long hours of crying.  This is the stench of a man who broke my trust in his very gender and made me who I have become today.  This is the wretched scum bag who can not be trusted by any person of the female gender and this is the un-caring of un-caring low life snake in the grass to whom I swore I would never lay my eyes upon again so long as I lived.

Her tone has now changed from one of anger and distaste to one of more of a general discussion voice.  This is the man who I swore I would never lay my eyes upon again.  She moved to the bar and leaned against it, her gaze now toward the floor.  She said,  But I have laid my eyes upon him.  My curse is broken, I feel like Merrily Buxom again.  Al Ex, please,  the two of you,  please join me for an ail.  And she motioned to the bar tender to bring three ails as she moved toward one of the tavern tables.  Everyone in the place was looking at them and wondering just what in the world of Common Ground was going on.  Why did she rant such a rant and then suddenly calm down and invite them to a table with her?

Merrily sat on one side and Right Hand Man slid across the bench seat and up against the wall.  Sir Butt stood by the table, but did not set down.  He began.  Merrily Buxum, if I may.  I deserve every distasteful thing you have said about my being.  I wronged you in every way possible.  How can I make it up to you?  How in Common Ground can I gain your trust again and make you feel like yourself again?  I had no idea that my going out to check on my horse, Something, would lead you to a life of misery.  I am truly sorry for putting you through such pain.  Please forgive me Merrily.  He is now on one knee, begging her for her forgiveness, his hand clutched and out in front of his chest.  His eyes gazing at her, while her eyes are affixed at the edge of the table across from herself.  She slowly turned and looked into his eyes, saying,  Sir Butt, if I were a man, I would punch you right now.  But I am not and I am a stately woman who knows what she wants.  I have been raised much better than to lower myself to that level of a savage.  Please now, be seated, we have caused enough of a scene.  Let us re-acquaint ourselves and discuss this in a civil manner.  Over ail, of course.

Sir Butt stands and then sits along side of Right Hand Man.  The bartender places the mugs of ail in front of each of them and then departs.  The table is silent as each takes a sip of ail.  As he places his mug on the table, Right Hand Man said to Merrily Buxum;  Merrily, my name has been changed from Al Ex to Right Hand Man.  Sir Butt did me the honors while myself and Lucky Man were traveling to our Point B a few weeks ago.  Oh, that is so very nice,  Al…I mean Right Hand Man.  She said, looking toward him.  I suppose I will hear the story about your travels one day, but for now, I must converse with Sir Butt.  Please stay seated, Right Hand Man, this will be civil.  She added, as her gaze turned to Sir Butt.

Sir Butt, she started, You are the very handsome man I remember.  How could I have ever gotten so angry at you?  It was all my fault.  You stepped out to check on Something and never returned.  I stayed because I thought you would be right back, but you did not return until the sun was rising.  I was watching over your sword and keeping the dwellers in the tavern from making off with it.  That is not a cause for such anger.  I was raised differently than that.  Will YOU forgive me?   Sir Butt looked astounded and replied.  But Merrily it was I who wronged you.  I went to the stable to check on Something and I passed out from drinking so very much merriment and having such an enjoyable time in your presence.   I was in the wrong and I beg of you to forgive ME!  No, it was my fault.  Merrily stated.  I was so selfish, I was only thinking of myself that morning.  Your closeness gave me feelings I have never felt before in my life and when you did not come back it crushed my being.  But then as the night went on, my anger grew inside of me, causing me to curse myself.  You could not have known.  It is not within a man to know such things.  She continued.  Sir Butt interrupted and said.  Merrily, let us call this blaming ourselves for the problem a draw.  Let us learn from this mistake and make a pact to never let anything like this come between us again.  Let us rejoice at our renewed friendship and let us partake of ail and merriment and begin anew.  Done!  Said Merrily.  And the three of them lifted their mugs of ail and toasted a new beginning.  Right Hand Man said aloud.  Merrily, I liked it a lot better when you were calling such a handsome man as Sir Butt,  a scoundrel and a snake in the grass.  I was beginning to think that maybe you would look at me in different eyes.  Actually, in eyes that I see you looking at Sir Butt with.  (23)

Sir Butt asks Merrily a very important question

The following day found the three of them back in the tavern.  Merrily was as happy and cheerful as she had ever been.  Sir Butt was joyous as well and Right Hand Man was glad for them both.  They ate a hearty breakfast and started to plan out their day.  Sir Butt asked Right Hand Man, if he would mind showing him the ail kegs in the stream and how his hose invention worked.  Right Hand Man agreed and Merrily would join them.

Up the hill trail they ventured to the shack that housed the kegs.  Opening the door, they saw four kegs laying in the stream end to end, connected with short hoses, just like Right Hand Man said they would find.  You know, started Sir Butt, this is a very clever idea you came up with Right Hand Man.  Chilled ail and the only real work to it is to get the kegs up to this place and get them connected together.  Yes, it is.  Replied Right Hand Man.  Sometimes I amaze myself at my abilities to think of such as this.  I understand totally.  Said Sir Butt.  I too amaze myself at my abilities to think of some of the things I come up with.  Merrily piped in.  You can sure come up with some big abilities, Sir Butt.  Ahhhguummm!  Sir Butt cleared this throat.  Your abilities are not so bad yourself, Merrily.  Said Sir Butt.  Do you two wish to be alone?  Asked Right Hand Man.  No.  No.  Said Sir Butt.  Tell us more about this system of chilling the ail.  Right Hand man then told them all about how the idea came about and why,  and why too he felt it necessary to get his mothers main man back into her arms etc, etc, etc.,  to the point of pure boredom and nausiousness.   But Sir Butt and Merrily did not care.  They were only partly listening to him ramble on as they stared into each others eyes.

Later, back at the tavern and over mugs of ail.  Sir Butt asked Merrily a very important question.  One that could change both of their lives forever.  What would be her answer?  What if her answer is not what Sir Butt wants to hear?  What would happen to them if she did not answer in a way that was favorable to Sir Butt?  Will she understand how devastating it would be if her answer is not what he expects?

Merrily.  Sir Butt begins.  You know that I am the dragon slayer of all dragon slayers.  The all knowledgeable  one.   I have the best of steed in all of Common Ground.  I am the bravest of the brave and my steed is right there with me.  I’m rather good looking too, I might add.  You know all of this about me do you not?  He asked.  Well. Said Merrily and then continued.  You tell me all of this and you say it so very often that I have begun to think it is true.  And I have heard others tell me the same things about you and I trust in them and so I have begun to think it is even more true.  And probably if you tell me one more time, I will believe it to be true.   Be there no haste then Merrily.  Said Sir Butt.  I am the bravest of the brave.  The dragon slayer of all dragon slayers.  The all knowledgeable  one.  My steed is named Something and he is the best of the best of steeds and he is brave beyond brave for a steed and will attack at my command any dragon found in Common Ground….need I say more Merrily?  NO!  SIR BUTT!!  I BELIEVE!!!  I BELIEVE!!!!  Yelled out Merrily with glee in her voice.  And she grabbed him about the neck and gave him a lip on lip kiss like none other in all of Common Ground.

Ok then.  Continued Sir Butt.  I have a very important question to ask you Merrily.  Your answer is very important to me as well.  A part of me will be very disappointed if your answer is not what I expect it to be and your answer just might make me have to change some of my ways.  Are you ready for the question Merrily?  OH YES, SIR BUTT, PLEASE BESTOW UPON  MY BEING YOUR QUESTION!  Replied Merrily all excited and clutching her hands to her buxomness.

Very well.  He started.   Merrily, Right Hand Man gave me some ail while in our travels and it was the very best ail I have ever tasted in all my life.  I asked him how he made it and he said he obtained a part from a female friend of his and then he just added water to it and it made the very best ail in all of Common Ground.  He went on to tell me that it was you who provided him with the part he added the water to.  My question is, will you please provide me with the ingredients that is in the part you provide him?

Merrily is looking into Sir Butts eyes with the intent look of an almost new bride.  Her bright smile is spread across her face and she is beaming with delight  as he beings his explanation of the ail.  As he goes on with the explanation, her countenance changes from the beaming smile to a scowling one and her eyes begin to turn red, as does her cheeks and it spreads to her entire body (what we can see of it).  Her clenched hands held near her buxomness, separate into two distinct hands and then into two distinct fists and she begins to quiver.  First the quiver is with just tiny movements of her fists and then spreads quickly to the arms, and eventually to her entire body and with that, she starts beating on Sir Butt until he is laying on the ground, out colder that a pile of week old doggie do.

Was Merrily mad?  She most certainly was.  Here is the same man that made her mad before and she forgave him and now when she is thinking he is going to ask her for her hand in marriage, he asks her the dumbest of dumb questions she has ever heard.  She could not control her emotions.  She did pound on him until he was black and blue and of course being the gentleman he is, he could not attack her back and so she literally knocked the peejeasus out of him until he was laying on the ground unconscious!

We all must remember that a man of Sir Butts caliber can never marry and settle down.  After all he has his job in all of Common Ground to keep the trails safe for all who travel from their Points A to their Points B.  He also must be at the top of the mountain looking for dangers below and to keep safe all of those who camp in and around the trails through Common Ground.  He must keep himself fit and ready for battle at all times.  He could never settle down and be nurtured by a lovely woman such as Merrily Buxom.  He would not be able to travel as he must throughout Common Ground.  She would insist he stay at home, get a normal job and keep her happy in every way a man can keep a buxomness woman like her happy.  She would love him so very much she would over feed him and he would get out of shape, fat and lazy.  He would probably have to sell his Cash and his Account to help pay for the bills of every day village living.  No.  Sir Butt can never settle down.  And so the story continues.

Sir Butt Wakes Up

Something is nuzzling at Sir Butt with his nose.  Bumping him quite hard as he is still asleep and trying his best to wake Sir Butt up.  They have been in this camp long enough and Something needs to be going.  He needs to be un-tethered and let out to relieve himself.  Sir Butt, suddenly sits up in his bed roll.  He shakes his head repeatedly and then asks himself out loud.  Where am I?  He looks around and instantly recognizes where he is in Common Ground.  Wow.  He says.  I had the most real of real dreams and met the most beautiful woman in all of Common Ground.  The woman of my dreams.  Wow, it is late.  Something, we must be on our way!   He gets up and gathers his bedroll.  Un-tethered  Something and let him out to do his business.  Something!  He yells as the steed moves out of camp.  Hurry up, we have work to do.

Bears Butt

June 2011


Written on July 24th, 2011 , Sir Butt
By: Bears Butt

What is the main ingredient of WD-40 ?
Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40 is? Don’t lie and don’t cheat. WD-40.
Who knew; I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do…. probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I’m impressed!
WD-40 who knew? ‘Water Displacement #40′. The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a ‘water displacement’ compound.. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Convair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.
Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you… When you read the ‘shower door’ part, try it. It’s the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yoursis plastic, it works just as well as glass. It’s a miracle! Then try it on your stove top …. Viola! It’s now shinier than it’s ever been. You’ll be amazed.
WD-40 uses:
1. Protects silver from tarnishing.
2. Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4. Gives floors that ‘just-waxed’ sheen without making them slippery.
5. Keeps flies off cows.
6. Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7. Removes lipstick stains.
8. Loosens stubborn zippers.
9. Untangles jewelry chains.
10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12. Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13. Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16. Keeps scissors working smoothly..
17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes.
18. It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen
      floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It
      doesn’t seem to harm the finish and you won’t have to scrub nearly as hard
      to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19. Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
20. Gives a children’s playground gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21. Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers…
22. Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open..
24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31. Removes splattered grease on stove.
32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35. Removes all traces of duct tape.
36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
37. Florida ’s favorite use is: ‘cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.’
38. The favorite use in the state of New York ,
      WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also,
      it’s a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that
      purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures
      for fishing are not allowed in some states.
40. Use it for fire ant bites.. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41. WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
42. Also, if you’ve discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry,
      saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! The lipstick is gone!
43. If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
P.S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.

Written on July 23rd, 2011 , Uncategorized | Stories, Ramblings & Random Stuff From an Old Mountain Man is proudly powered by WordPress and the Theme Adventure by Eric Schwarz
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Just some of my old stories, new stories, and in general what is going on in my life.