September, 2015 | BearsButt.com | Stories, Ramblings & Random Stuff From an Old Mountain Man

By: Bears Butt

What you are looking at here is a dutch oven that has been very much forgotten about. Several years ago 5 of us drew out a special hunting tag in the Crawford mountains one that was to go down in all time and eternity as “the best hunt ever”!

With all our time being spent on hunting these big old bruiser bucks, we didn’t take the time to clean up after every meal. In our minds we were doing just fine and in reality we were, but just barely enough cleanup to keep us all from coming down with some dreaded problem.

Well, the other day I decided to make “Rabbit Chicken” for the grandkids and whoever else wanted to share in the delight of that meal. I knew I’d need a big deep dutch oven to cook it all up. So to the garage I went and found the 14 inch dutch oven. Into the kitchen I went to wash off the dust from the lid and open it up to rinse it out….a very typical event because I don’t use the bigger dutch ovens all that much.

I rinsed the lid off and tried to open it…stuck bad! I grabbed a wooden spoon out of the “big ticket” drawer and banged it against the side of the lid. Usually a couple of whacks and it comes off. This time after the 4th smack the spoon broke! My bad!

I took the oven out to the garage and gently tapped it with a ball peen hammer and when the lid popped off this is what I was looking at (top picture)! About 1/4 inch deep rust in the bottom and growing stuff on the sides! Mind you, this is several years of the growing stuff trying to get out of there. It dawned on me that the last time this oven was used was on that hunt when we made none other than “Rabbit Chicken” in it for the whole gang! I have to say it looks pretty clean as we didn’t leave any chicken in it!

Needless to say I was not going to use that pan today to make the chicken for the grandkids. I went to the backup dutch oven and made the meal. But what about this disgusting mess? Can it be saved? Would it be better to chuck it and go buy another one? Never say Never! I’ll save this bad boy! Then it hit me…I can do a “how to” and post it up on here for you to know just how to save an old dutch oven from the land fill! Here goes!

Keep in mind this is the way I did it and it will work. Others might do some things different and I hope we get some remarks on here explaining their methods. I can almost hear one coming from Softball about tossing the thing into a burning fire and letting the fire work things out. OK…this pot is rusted beyond belief. The only way we can salvage this pot is to get it back to the “metal” state it was when it was first made. That is my goal!

It is going to require heat, acid and some heavy duty scrubbing!

The object here is to get the acid in the vinegar to get under the rust and lift it off the metal that created it. But just boiling the vinegar water is not going to do the job all by itself. It is going to require a little assistance from a putty knife!

Being careful so that I didn’t get the boiling hot water on my hand I scraped and scraped the bottom of the pan. After a while I could feel where the rust was still clinging on for all its might. But as I worked at it the bottom of the pan became more and more slick. I knew I was on the winning end of things. Pretty soon (like an hour later) I felt like this was about all that could be done and it was time to go to step two. So I turned off the stove and took the mess outside and tossed it out of the pan and onto the gravel road.

It is obvious there is still a lot of work left to do to get out that rust, but at least there isn’t the big flaky chunks in there. Time for the steel wool! (Side note: It is raining pretty good here as I’m typing and I looked outside and said to myself…Bears Butt, you best save this draft just in case there is a power bump…I hit “save draft”, and started to load the next picture when….poof…power bump….3 seconds more and I would have been cussing instead of smiling).

Keep in mind, we are on a quest to save a badly neglected dutch oven and so, vinegar, soap, scrubbing steel wool and all of the cleaning things in the world are what we are using. In all other cases, only rinse with hot water and scrub using mild abrasive plastic scrubbers or wash clothes and NEVER add soap or other cleaners to the inside of a dutch oven. You want your oven to be slippery from cooking things in side it. Black is beautiful!

So, here I go with the steel wool scrubbing. I added about 1/4 cup of water to the pan and began scrubbing. After two steel wool pads I decided to rinse out the pan and take another look. The sticky mess in the bottom of the pan was a cruel reminder to never neglect my pan again.

You have to admit it is looking better, but still not quite there yet. I’ve been at this task now for nearly two hours. But the box of steel wool pads still has 4 in it! Let’s use some! And back to work I go, 1/4 cup water and more scrubbing. The froth doesn’t look quite as reddish this time when after two more steel pads I decide to rinse and take a look.

To some of you, you would probably say this is too much work and give up. I’ve been cooking with dutch ovens long enough to know that I’m not the first one to go through this sort of clean up and it probably won’t be the last. These ovens are made to be used and they sometimes get neglected, but they are still a great work of art and worth cleaning up. That rust that you see in that pan will become just a color once the pan is “seasoned” again and it will not effect the taste of the food, nor will it cause any ill effects to the people eating that same food.

I continued to work on the larger patches of rust, using a knife and scraping here and there. Once that was rinsed I was satisfied it was ready to be “seasoned”. Seasoned is a way to say “sealing the pores of the metal” and the best way I have found to do that is to heat the pan (and lid) enough to melt Crisco and then put them in the oven at 500 degrees for awhile to expand the pores of the metal and get that Crisco oil down into the pores to seal it all up. Other people use lard, vegetable oil or some other cooking oil, bacon grease or whatever to do the same thing…butter works too. The object is to get a “cooking oil” into the pores of the pan so the rust and stuff can’t come off and into the food. This seasoning is the “base” layer to what will become your favorite pan to cook with as long as you don’t put cleaning soap in it once you have cooked with it.

Once I was done with the scraping I rinsed it one last time and heated it to make sure it was completely dry before adding the Crisco.

So, I smeared a good coating of Crisco on the inside of the lid and around inside the pan (don’t forget to coat the sides)!

As you can see in the last picture I had excess Crisco in the pan that I needed to remove. So I took a paper towel and got it out. Then using that same paper towel I wiped the entire inside of the pan with it which soaked up a little more excess Crisco. Now it’s time to pop both the lid and the pan into the oven to “cook”!

I have to tell you something at this point: The outside of the pan does not need much attention as who knows what you will subject it to in the future. I’ve had some might fine tasting vittles come out of a dutch oven that had been placed right inside the open fire at a deer hunting camp and you sure as heck don’t need a nice looking dutch oven sitting inside a hot camp fire.

OK! Let’s get this job done! Set the oven to 500 degrees F….THAT my friends is HOT! You are going to let it set in there for about 30 minutes and then turn off the oven and let them sit in there until they are cool to the touch! Once that is done the oven and lid are ready for action once again!

When the timer went off I just turned off the oven and went about my daily chores. It took just over 3 hours of very hard work to get to this point and I was sure glad when it was over. About 2 hours later I pulled them out of the oven and here is what I found.

The picture makes it look like it did in the first picture but trust me on this one, there is a very good layer of solid coating between the surface and any rusty looking stuff in that pan. Look closely at the top portion of the bottom of the pan, you can see the glaze and that is covering the entire pan, sides, bottom and all! This pan is ready for some cooking!

Now there is ONE LAST STEP! Sure the pan and lid are ready for action, but if you too want some action, you best clean up the kitchen before the wife comes home!

Bears Butt

September 16, 2015

Written on September 16th, 2015 , Uncategorized

THE LAST CHANCE TO THE 2015 BOW HUNT

By: Bears Butt

It has taken me some time to finally get around to downloading my pictures from Weasel and my second attempt to fill his archery tag. We decided to go up on Thursday afternoon and come home Saturday afternoon. Time was pressing to get it done and of course we have our home obligations. The mountains this time of year are really spectacular and this time was not exception. We did have a full moon to deal with and the animals were behaving oddly, at least to us they were.

We chose to hunt lower than we did with the boys as we felt the deer might have moved down. Every hunter has his choice and this was ours.

Some of you will recognize this spot, right across the road from Monkey Dink camp. High and dry, no shade, but still a great central location. From here we can hunt up or down and there is always a chance of spotting something right from camp.

There was a slight chance for some moisture and there had been a storm move through there the past couple of days. Lots of trees were downed and we had some concern that there might be trees across the road here and there and we didn’t bring our chain saw. But as things worked out we didn’t need it.

We didn’t see as many deer on this trip as we did when the boys were with us but we did manage to see a few pretty nice ones. On this trip we had an evening hunt, a full day and a morning hunt. With only that many hours to work with we had to make the best of every minute. The morning sun came up through a partly cloudy sky and it was a pretty one at that. We had to get an early start.

As it got lighter and lighter we found ourselves in a spot we wanted to be when it was light enough to be able to see the sights on the bow and shoot. A very nice day was in store for us. Down the road a ways we ran into a guy and his six year old son standing next to the road. We stopped to offer assistance and he said he had just shot a buck and was looking for it. We moved our rig off to the side of the road so as not to block it and offered our services to help him.

I know a lot of guys would have just gone on down the road but there seems to be a camaraderie among archers and helping out is always a thing that needs to be done. As we got to know this guy we found out he had only taken his hunter safety course 3 years prior. This was his second big game hunt and his first archery hunt ever. A man in his late 30’s with a six year old son out for a little father-son bonding. He said it himself….Who would have ever thought I would be shooting at a deer, yet alone hit it?

Well, we went in search for the blood trail. He did find his arrow and it was fully loaded with blood. He said he made a perfect shot on the heart and the deer bounded across the road and into the forest. With a perfectly placed shot the deer should be laying right on the other side of the road. After about 15 minutes we finally found a small speck of blood on the tip of a tall grass clump in the trail. Blood that high off the ground can only mean the shot was high and probably didn’t hit any vitals. Perhaps a shot that passed through the top of the back just over the spine.

We looked for over an hour and only found a few specks of blood. The last blood we found was heading up hill. Our enthusiasm tanked and we made the decision to call off the search. Back at the truck we talked at length about the shot placement and that the deer would probably be hurting for a few days but should survive unless infection set in. At any rate his first hit was a lost and wounded buck, a sad thing to admit too but it happens. We said our goodbyes and he and his boy headed down the road in their side by side rig.

Weasel and I were just unloading our backpacks into the truck when we here him yelling from down the road! He was waiving and coming toward us. I told Weasel to get his bow, something is up and it might be a deer or elk coming our way. Weasel jumped on the suggestion and I walked down toward the guy.

Now you can call this B.S. or fate or divine intervention or maybe just plain beginners luck but that wounded buck was laying next to the road and unable to get up! It’s spine had been damaged and the deer was down but not dead. I would venture to guess the buck was trying to get back to the rest of the herd and when it bounded onto the road from up above the wound was just enough that the shock of the animals front end hitting the road caused it to sever and down the animal went. Whatever the cause the man had his animal and after a fatal shot to the heart it was over in a minute.

Well, luckily for him we were there to talk him through the gutting process and helped load the animal on his rig.

I think he learned a thing or two about big game hunting and about the fact that you must be prepared to handle every situation that comes your way. A quick study of “how to” would have been a good thing for him on this hunt. But I guess that is why the Divine One put us in his life when He did.

We took a bit of time and did some reconnoitering and then found ourselves near where Weasel wanted to spend the evening hunt. He has an elk tag and his trail camera has shown some coming into a water hole right at dark. So, he had to get himself smoked up before he went into the blind.

A small fire is all that is needed and when the flames are reduced and only the hot ashes remain, on go the pine bows.

Big game animals are used to the smell of smoke and they are not afraid of that smell. It is the smell of danger they avoid and human odors are the worst! If you ever doubt that just enter our hunting camp trailer after the 5th day!

When Weasel finally came out of the smoke he was all teary eyed and coughing, but he didn’t smell like a human anymore. Well, he headed off into the woods and I stayed back, put out the fire and then went for a little hike. There were deer all over the place and I attributed the numbers to the fact that they couldn’t smell any humans 😉 in the area. Up top I took a panoramic picture of the area. The boys from last week that were clear cutting things really had done a number on the forest.

Kind of a tough picture to see because of the sun’s angle and the long shadows.

As I was sitting on top of the world I kept hoping I would hear my radio go off announcing that Weasel had dropped a big old elk and needed my help. But as the light of the day progressively dimmed I knew the elk were still safe wherever they were. I made my way back to the truck just as it was too dark to see and I was about to head off to pick up Weasel, when here he came over the rise.

I had Weasel stop in the trail for this time lapse picture. Kind of a cool shot with the full moon in the background.

Back at the camp we talked about the day and what we wanted to do tomorrow. Again our plans required an early rise and get out of camp before it was light enough to see to shoot. With that we were going to have to “outen the lights” and get to sleep. Here is the light inside the trailer with only “Luci” lights burning brightly.

The alarm clock bear signaled a very short nights sleep and we were up and had our coffee in our hands when we headed out the door. A long way to go before daylight…let’s go….It’s our last morning to hunt!

Before long it was plenty light enough to see to shoot and we were seeing some deer. Skittish as all get out and we didn’t figure that one out. We couldn’t get within 200 yards of any of them. They ran off almost as quickly as we saw them, some even half a mile away. Someone tell me what was going on…I know Weasel smelled like smoke….does that mean I was the culprit! At any rate we knew we were running out of time and soon would have to turn back toward camp. That is never a good feeling…the end of the hunt. It comes oh so quickly.

We made a last minute decision to head up a road we went on when the boys were with us last week and immediately spotted a doe and two fawns. They were not skittish. But then again they weren’t bucks either. Up the road we went and as we neared the end of it my mind was on where to turn the truck around. Weasel called out…”BUCK”! Turning quickly to his side of the truck sure enough there stood a spike on the horizon, not 30 yards away. I stopped the truck and the buck ran down out of sight. Weasel was on it quickly…out of the truck…arrow nocked and sneaking toward the ridge.

I had to stay with the truck and Weasel got a good view of the buck just over the ridge. A couple of does were keeping him protected but because of the smoke smell wafting off Weasel’s clothes they were not alarmed in any way and continued to feed without fear. When a big doe moved away from the small buck, Weasel had a clear shot.

Weasel’s practice came through and the buck only went a few yards before it piled up. We did have a short tracking job, but there was plenty of blood to follow.

Not the biggest buck on the mountain but it sure was the biggest buck to this hunter!

Congratulations to Weasel! A first buck with a bow and no ground shrinkage to the antlers! What we both thought was a spike, turned out to be a two point with an extra kicker point! What a fun hunt! Thanks for allowing me to tag along!

Bears Butt

September 13, 2015

Written on September 13th, 2015 , Hunting Stories

WHEN CACHE IS DRAWN (Entire Story)

By: Bears Butt

As dawn once again cracks the night sky, Sir Butt and Something find themselves in a very nice and secluded shelter surrounded by several clear and cold flowing streams. Something needs to be unteathered and so nustles his nose against Sir Butt’s cheek and gives him a push! “Whaaa”! Exclaims Sir Butt in a startled and half awake voice. “Oh, it’s you Something! You must need to go”! And up jumps Sir Butt to unteather Something.

Sir Butt then goes about his business and prepares himself a hot cup of tea, reusing yesterdays grounds for added flavor!

Before long, Something comes wandering back into the shelter of the tree canopy where they spent the night. It’s such a beautiful spot that they found for their nights stay.

Sir Butt spends almost all his time out searching for the nasty evils that are found here and their across the land of Common Ground. With his vigilence, there aren’t as many dragons as there have been in the past, but still enough of a presence that travelers fear they will encounter one as they go from their Point A to their Point B and they are all very pleased with the work Sir Butt has done to keep them safe. Sir Butt realizes this and is more than happy to continue to travel and make safe the passages without pay.

As Sir Butt and Something begin their travel for this day, they hear running foot steps pounding the ground coming their way! Not knowing what the danger might be, Sir Butt draws Cache from His Account and sits upright on the back of Something, waiting for the danger to present itself.

——–

Something is not in the least concerned with what he hears as he knows it is not a dragon that is approaching at a fast pace.

Then there appears a man running as fast as he can down the trail about 100 yards in front of them. And as he gets closer he stops running and begins walking quickly, slowing his pace as he gets next to them. “Whew”, said the man, “I was wondering if I would ever find you Sir Butt”! And he put both his hands on his knees and bent over to catch his breath.

“I do not know if I know you my man”! Said Sir Butt. “But it is obvious you know me. That does not surprise me however, because being who I am and the fact that I’m the most knowledgable one in all the land, most folks know me even though I do not know them. You are huffing and puffing. When you catch your breath, we will talk”.

And then Sir Butt just sat astride Something and waited for the man to catch his breath. As they waited, Sir Butt thought it would be appropriate to offer the man a drink.

“Would you care for a drink of hot tea or perhaps a cool drink of ale. I just removed my pouch of ale from the cold stream up the hill”.

“I would love a drink of cold ale, Sir Butt”. Said the man, “But how in all of Common Ground did you know my name is Huffing And Puffing”?

Sir Butt looked a bit surprised, but then in his own mind decided he had just had one of those moments where all things come into place at the same time and is recorded in time for all and eternity (whatever all of that means).

“Well”, answered Sir Butt, “When a man comes running up to me and has been running for a very long time, he is automatically huffing and puffing. Isn’t that obvious”? He asked.

“Why yes, Sir Butt…You are the smartest of the smartest”. Said Huffing and Puffing

By this time Sir Butt has removed the pouch of ale and handed it to Huffing and Puffing, who then took a very long and welcomed drink of cold ale.

——–

Things settled down a bit and Sir Butt dismounted from Something in order to talk to the man face to face.

“What is troubling you Huffing? You don’t mind me calling you Huffing do you? Or would you rather be called Puffing? Or Huff Puff”? Asked Sir Butt.

“Sir Butt, please call me Huff. All my folks and friends call me that”. He answered.

“So be it Huff”! Replied Sir Butt “Now what is the trouble that caused you to run out across Common Ground to locate me”? He asked.

“Sir Butt, I have been running straight for many days without rest and for a good cause I might say. You see the people of the land have no reference to Sir Butt except for your name. And since you are SO VERY FAMOUS in all of Common Ground your name comes up at all the pubs every day and night. People will toast good things in your name but there is just something lacking. Perhaps a song or statement that we could all prost to”. Said Huff.

“Hmmmmm”, hummed Sir Butt. “A song about Sir Butt? I don’t know about that. You know I’m the worst singer in all the land and I won a big contest as being such a while back. The Best of the Worst as I recall. I don’t think a song is a good thing Huff”. Replied Sir Butt

“But Sir Butt, there has to be a song or poem or statement that makes people realize we are talking about the all knowlegable one, the only Sir Butt in all of Common Ground! Our protector of travel”. said Huff

“Huff, perhaps you and the people of Common Ground are right, but I don’t think it necessary to have such as that. Why can’t they lift their glasses up and just say ‘Here’s to Sir Butt’ and let it go at that”? Sir Butt asked.

“That is what is being done today, but there must be more”! Exclaimed Huff and then he went on….”You are a hero to us all! None of our lives would be what they are had it not been for you taking out the dragons in the deep canyon! Nor the mini biting dragons on the highlands”! Said Huff.

“Well, Huff, let us travel together back to where you came from and perhaps we can come up with something in light of what you are asking of me. We can work on it together”! Said Sir Butt.

———

And off they went, Sir Butt sitting tall on Something and Huff walking alongside talking about the task at hand.

That evening as they settled in for the night they discussed the days discussions in brief and decided that perhaps, just perhaps, there could be some statement about Sir Butt and his trusty steed Something. After all, Sir Butt is nothing without Something! I think we can all agree to that. Add to that, Sir Butt is nothing without his sword Cache. After all, once again, no dragon would ever be beheaded without the ever sharp, non dulling edge of Cache! So which is more important, sword or steed? Well, one could surmise that without those two things no dragon would ever be killed. And none would be killed either if it were not for the brave (or stupid) Sir Butt riding atop Something and swinging that sword. It’s a combination of the three that make for dead dragons hither and yon.

And the three companions drifted off to sleep.

——-

They slept well too I might add and awakened to a full sun shining down on them. After a quick breakfast of hard roll, jerky and a cup of hot tea, off they went down the road toward Point B. Point A being where they had just spent the night!

The conversation continued where it had left off the night before. All three pieces of this puzzle must be included in a song or statement or some such other thing that people can say or do or whatever before they make that ever so important “Toast to the main man! Sir Butt”!

Huff questions Sir Butt about how he slays dragons and how in Common Ground he knows when a dragon is waiting along side the trail ahead. How does he do it? How can he be so brave as to ride ever so close to a fire breathing double headed dragon and lop off both of its heads with one swipe of the sword?

Of course Sir Butt just gets all swelled up inside thinking he is the bravest of the brave, the most knowledgable of the knowledgable in all of Common Ground and even though he can’t sing, he can do most everything else. He also prides himself on entering town after town and being hailed to the center of each for drinks on the house in the tavern. He loves his drinks of ale and often times over tips the glasses as he tries to please everyone in town, accepting their hospitality! (This is one reason he likes the solitude of being away from town most of the time. Hangovers are not one of his favorite things).

——-

“Well, Huff”. Said Sir Butt “There are lots of things that can be said about bravery in the face of a two headed dragon. But you must know how a two headed dragon works within and I’ve been taught by the best…..well second best, because I’m the best, but I wasn’t always the best which then made me second best until I was taught and learned from then the best, when then I became the best and he became second best. You see? I won’t go into how a two headed dragon works from inside, you can read about that in another story on www.bearsbutt.com if you so desire to know. What I can tell you now is that my trusty steed, Something, has everything to do with bravery in the face of ANY dragon. He is fearless as he CHARGES forward into the face of that danger and edges me so very close so as to allow the sharp cutting edge of Cache to take the dragons head off with ease. All I have to do is hold the sword out and hang on as the steed makes the charging force and hits the dragon perfectly with the edge of the sword.

As the rider on the back of Something, I get really proud to be a part of dragon head lopping and if my sword, Cache, had a brain it too would be proud of how it performs! We are a team you know. Cache, Something and Sir Butt….oh and don’t forget My Account, as I don’t always need to be yielding Cache. Like right now! There is no danger, so no need to have it in hand. My free hand can hold my pouch of ale…see”?

——

And so it was. Sir Butt explained all he needed to say to Huff. The rest you might say is history.

Huff thought about what Sir Butt had just explained to him and after several hours of non-talking as they traveled, he suddenly told Sir Butt what his thoughts were.

“Sir Butt”! Said Huff suddenly. “Sir Butt, you have answered the question and the question is going to come in a statement! A statement that all in Common Land will be able to relate to Sir Butt, without actually saying your name. Although some will still say it, they won’t have to and the people hearing it will know who is being talked about”!

“AH, OK. And what is this statment”? Questioned Sir Butt

“It’s so simple, Sir Butt”! Said Huff. “Here it is!

‘Whenever Cache is withdrawn from His Account, serious Charges are in store! Something always makes sure of that’!

What do you think of that, Sir Butt”?

“I guess so”. Said Sir Butt in a quizical manner.

Bears Butt

July 30, 2015

Written on September 1st, 2015 , Sir Butt

THE SHARPENING STONE

By: Bears Butt

As some of you might recall, in an interview with Sir Butt, it was said that mining special ore from the mines at the village of Metalurgy would create a sword strong and sharp enough to lop the head off even the strongest of dragons. The interview went something like this:

Ah…Does a sword have to be made of a special metal in order to handle the killing of a dragon? I mean, a dragon has such a hard outer surface covering its skin and all.
You are quite an intelligent man my friend. Why yes the sword must be made of the hardest of metals. Sir Clanks A lot’s arm ore is way too soft for the blade of a sword of this caliber. He too would admit that his mine could not produce the quality of metal for use as a sword made to slay dragons. Metal for a dragon slaying sword can only come from the bowels of a mine found only in Metalurgy. It is very hard to extract and takes nearly the same type of metal to extract it as is being extracted. You see the people of Metalurgy are very keen about how they extract the precious material used to make dragon slaying swords that their entire village is surrounded by a large, unpenetratable wall of the same material. Not only are they not bothered by troublesome dragons, they are isolated from the rest of Common Ground and only those with special permission are allowed within these walls.

Well, since that time we have read about all the dragons that Sir Butt has put into the ground with that sword of his called, Cache!

Cache was created and sharpened by the master of master sword makers in all of Common Ground and he finished the sharpening of that blade so fine that even the master’s eye can not see the very edge of it. “Sharp enough to cut your stare” is what is being said. And so thin as to be able to read a written word behind it! And yet it holds that edge even after lopping off the three heads of a three headed dragon! Now THAT is one sharp blade!

Let it be known that Sir Butt has never taken to sharpening that blade EVER! But he has been given something that could easily sharpen it should it be nicked or somehow ever get dull of edge.

We all should be able to deduce that anything that can sharpen the edge of another must be of a harder material than is being sharpened, can you see that? If not you need to try and sharpen your knife with something and decide if your knife blade is sharper or less sharp than what you used to try and sharpen it.

Let us go on with this:

The story begins with Sir Butt and his newly acquired sword, Cache, held firmly in His Account, riding slowly down the trail going from Sir Butt’s point A ,(Metalurgy), toward his point B. A beautiful day in Common Ground, as all days in Common Ground are. You see, Common Ground never has a day that is anything but beautiful. I don’t know why I even have to mention it, but I do. Cache is brand spanking new to Sir Butt and has yet to lop off the head of its first dragon. Sir Butt feels overly privileged to have had such a fine instrument crafted for himself and is full of praise and thanks to the man who made it.

As he and Something travel slowly along, Sir Butt feels like singing, but in the back of his mind he remembers how terribly he sings and it would sour the birds singing around him and so he refrains. This was a great choice for Sir Butt to do and we thank him for his kindness. Save your singing for a contest of some kind Sir Butt…you will need your voice for that….there is no need to ruin your voice when nobody would hear it except you and your trusty steed. (Something is thankful too).

Plodding along and thinking about his new sword he is again taken aback by the generosity of his friend at Metalurgy, when suddenly he hears a voice coming from his right…”Hark! Sir Butt”!!!! Hails a voice from the brush.

Sir Butt, pulls Something up sharply and stops their travel. “What goes”? Called out Sir Butt.

The brush stirs as a short and old gentleman stands up from the steep bank along side the trail and comes down to the path to make himself known!

“It is but I, Sir Butt! I see you are coming from your point A, Metalurgy and wonder what your point B is”? Said the short man.

“Well, my friend”! Said Sir Butt. “Interesting observation from such a short man as yourself, that I come from Metalurgy, my point A. As to my point B, I have not a clue! I’m just wandering looking for evil dragons to slay using my new sword”.

“Sir Butt, my observation is nothing interesting at all. The path you are on only leads to Metalurgy and no where else. That is one of the only paths in all of Common Ground that ends at only one point…Point B if you are going toward it! And Point A, if you are coming away from it”! He explained.

“Well”! Said Sir Butt. “You are almost as smart as the smartest man I know….Me”! He continued. “And what might your name be”? He asked.

“HA” ! Ha’d the man. “If you are the smartest of the smartest, you should be able to tell me my name! After all, you said it yourself”! Said he smartly.

“You are quite the little man”. Remarked Sir Butt. “But I will take your challenge and I will tell you your name, even though this is our first meeting. Now let me think”.

And Sir Butt began thinking about this man and how he hailed him from the short distance from the bank of the trail. Sir Butt and Something had been moving slowly down the trail and from out of the brush this man spoke as if he was right next to Sir Butt’s ear. The bank was pretty high right where he called out. And now he stands in the trail in front of Something and is barely as tall as Something’s knees. Had he not been sitting high on the bank of the trail, Sir Butt may have missed his calling out because of his own day dreaming about slaying dragons with his new sword.

“Well, Sir Butt”! The man said, “What is my name”?

“My good man, it must be that you are Mr. Banker”! Said Sir Butt. “No one else would sit so high on the side of the trail unless of course you were a ‘Banker’”. He replied.

“My Goodness”! Began the man, “You are absolutely correct! My name is ‘Slider Banker’ but most folks call me ‘Sli’ for short”. He explained.

Sir Butt could not help himself when suddenly he blurted out…”Sli for short! Could it be they call you ‘Sli for short’ because you are so short”? And he began to chuckle to himself for being such a smarty.

The short man took offense immediately and began in on Sir Butt…”Sir Butt, my name is not ‘Sli for Short’ it is ‘Slider Banker’ and people shorten my first name to ‘Sli’ to keep things from becoming too formal”!

“Excuse me”! Said Sir Butt. “I could not help myself by making a joke! You see it is my nature to make jokes of such as that and the opportunity was perfect! I hope you forgive me! Now let us shake and be friends! Life is too short (OH NO, don’t go their Sir Butt) to make seriousness from fun”!

And Sir Butt dis-mounted from Something and approached the man with his hand out in friendly gesture. They shook hands and talked about the weather and such. Soon, Slider and Sir Butt were friends forever.

“May I offer you a cup of grog”? Asked Sir Butt to Sli.

“If you offer, I shall indeed take you up on that offer”. Said Sli.

And the exchange was made. The two of them sat in the shade of the shadiest tree around those parts of Common Ground and toasted to their new found friendship and drank several cups of grog.

(You see, Sir Butt’s container of ale is a never ending container. It seems the more that is taken from it, the more there is in it. Something most of us wishes we had in this day and age.)

“And so, what was your business at Metalurgy, Sir Butt? If I may ask”? Asked Sli.

“Well, funny you should ask, Sli. And it is none of your business, but I will tell you anyway. My good friend “, continued Sir Butt, “I was invited there by the mining authorities within the walls of Metalurgy to be presented with a dragon slaying sword and the sheath in which to keep it”.

“And not to be nosey, but would you mind showing it to me”? Sli asked.

“I am very pleased to show you my newly acquired gifts”! Exclaimed Sir Butt.

And he drew Cache from His Account and showed it to Sli. Sli reached out to take Cache, but Sir Butt drew it back toward himself and remarked that no-one should handle Cache except the owner. At which instant, he then placed Cache back into His Account.

“A beautiful piece of craftsmanship”! Said Sli.

“Yes! Yes it is! And I’m very proud of it”! Said Sir Butt.

“And how might one sharpen such a sword of fine craftsmanship as that one, Sir Butt”? Sli asked.

“It is never ending sharp! As it is made from the finest metal ore to be found in the deep mines of Metalurgy. This sword is made to lop heads off of dragons with ease. But as yet, has not met up with any dragons”. Said Sir Butt.

“But, there is no such metal that does not ever need to be re-sharpened”! Said Sli.
“Yes there is”! Exclaimed Sir Butt! “My sword here, called Cache! I could bash it against those rocks over there and it would be just as sharp as when I rode out of the gates of Metalurgy”! He finished.

“HMMMM”. Hmmm’d Sli. “Sir Butt, would you accept a gift from me”? He asked.

“Sli, I have never turned down a gift in my life. Why would I start now? Of course I will accept a gift from you”! Said Sir Butt.

“Sir Butt”! Began Sli. “In all my days, I have not heard of a sword that didn’t need the blade attended too on occasion and since I knew that in Metalurgy they make some of the finest swords and knives in all of Common Ground. I make my business on making sharpening devises to help keep those swords and knives as sharp as they are when they come through those gates. Pardon me, Sir Butt, but your sword ‘Cache’, just might need attending to one day. Here is my offer to you”!

And Sli presented to Sir Butt a fine pouch with a hard stone inside. The stone measured about 4 finger lengths long by two fingers wide. Flat on both sides, with one side rather course to the touch and the other as fine as a frogs back leg.

“I accept”! Said Sir Butt with excitement in his voice. Sir Butt loves to be given gifts, especially fine gifts like this one. He will never use it himself, but perhaps he will run across someone in need and let them borrow it to sharpen their sword or knife. “Thank you very much, Sli! I shall treasure it in my travels”! He continued.

“You are welcome, my friend”! Said Sli. “I make them of metal ore from my own small mine, but I’m not so certain it is of the quality ore as found deep in the mines of Metalurgy. However, I have never had one returned for not being able to sharpen the hardest of blades I have encountered to date…unless of course it is Cache”.

“Sli, my friend”, began Sir Butt, “I will not be using this gift to sharpen Cache, as I have been assured that Cache is made from the hardest metal of all of Common Ground and will never need to be sharpened….EVER. But should I run into someone along my travels who needs to sharpen their sword or knife I will lend it to them for that purpose and I will refer them to you to obtain their own sharpening devise”.

“That is all I could ask of you Sir Butt”. Said Sli.

“Now, what is this thing called”? Asked Sir Butt.

“Let’s think about it awhile, Sir Butt”. Began Sli. “You are the smartest of the smartest in all the land, you should be telling me what this thing is called”.

“OK, I will”! Said Sir Butt in his most excited voice. And then continued speaking. “It’s made to sharpen the blades of swords and knives used in whatever those swords and knives are used for. Like cutting bread and cheese and perhaps popping the corks out of certain ale containing containers at the taverns in the middle of towns. Even stabbing that last dill pickle from the jar in town. But in my case, it will be to sharpen the edge of Cache after lopping off the heads of many a dragon. Of course that will not be necessary, but I’ll entertain you with what you wish to be entertained with.

As I, Sir Butt, go about my business of making the trails and paths throughout Common Ground safe I will encounter many dragons worthy of being slayed. In the end, but there is no end, Cache would have taken many dragons down. Cache really ended dragons—terror in towns sharpening device. That is what I’ll call it Mr Slider! Cache really ended dragons terror in towns”!

“So be it, Sir Butt”! Said Sli. “It is yours to call it what you wish. But that is a very long name and one that should be shortened perhaps. I’ll let you decide on that, Sir Butt”.

“Perhaps you are right, Sli”. Said Sir Butt. “’Cache Really Ended Dragons terror In Town’ is a rather lengthy name. What if I shortened it to just the first letter of the name I just gave it. ‘C’ for Cache, ‘R’ for Really, ‘E’ for Ended, ‘D’ for Dragons terror, ‘I’ for In and finally ‘T’ for Town. C.R.E.D.I.T. That would be a lot easier to say wouldn’t it? CREDIT”! Exclaimed Sir Butt.

“Why yes it would, Sir Butt. I think you are on to something here”! Said Sli rather excited. “I had not thought of a name for it either and so I too will use your name for all of those devices I make from here on out! I thank you for coming up with a great name, Sir Butt”! He said.

The two of them talked for many more hours and then Sir Butt decided he had best be on his way. There just might be a dragon up the trail that needed his attention. However, because of the proximity to Metalurgy, he doubted very much there were any dragons in the area. Dragons like to lay in wait for folks traveling the trails and paths between points A and B where folks live and play and Metalurgy just isn’t such a place.

They said their goodbyes and off down the trail went Sir Butt and Something. But more than that, Sir Butt was carrying “Cache” in “His Account” and his newly acquired gift of “Credit” in his pouch.

Sir Butt and Something traveled many days and nights without so much as seeing another soul along the way. That is just the way it is when you are making your way to or from Metalurgy. People have to know for sure they will get within the walls of Metalurgy or the trip just isn’t worth their time. Besides only at the crossroads of that trail is there a town with a tavern in which to quench one’s thirst.

Sir Butt was feeling that perhaps there were no dragons left in Common Ground that needed his attention, or better yet, the attention of Cache. Now that he has such a fine instrument at his disposal he would like to see just how well it worked. But he has a small knife he uses to cut his morning biscuit and cheese and those two things would never dull that knife to justify him using his Credit to sharpen it.

Then one day as he and Something were going down the trail, a man on a horse approaching asked Sir Butt if he had any way he could sharpen his knife! What a small world it is indeed, thought Sir Butt and of course offered up his pouch which held his Credit. The man used it and in short order the knife was again as sharp as it had been from where ever it had been made. They talked awhile and decided that it was getting dark and that perhaps they should camp together for the company.

They found a nice little spot to the side of a cool spring with clear water and lots of fish. They let their steeds go out to pasture and they made ready their bedrolls and then decided to catch a few fish for their supper. Fresh fish is a very welcome change from dry biscuits, broth and ale.

After supper and as evening quickly approached, the two of them were leaning back against a couple of trees discussing the days events and in general getting know one another. It seems the man that Sir Butt had just met was from a village far off and was working his way toward Metalurgy where he hoped he could find employment in his field of trade. He was a schooled chisel dresser and sharp chisels are what is needed to mine the hardest of ores. Metalurgy has such hard ores.

Sir Butt was more than helpful to give him instructions on how to follow the trail into the town. And then the man asked him where he had gotten that stone which he lent him to sharpen his knife. Sir Butt told him about meeting the short man not to far out of Metalurgy and told him he might just want to try and find him as he traveled to the gates of the town.

After a good nights sleep, the two awoke and shared biscuits and broth before departing their separate ways. Sir Butt asked him to be sure and come back and find him should he encounter any dragons along his way to Metalurgy.

Both mounted upon their steeds, Sir Butt said, “Good by my friend! May you find your way safe to the gates of Metalurgy and may they hire you to be the best of the best chisel dresser in all of Common Ground”!

“I thank you Sir Butt” ! Said the man. “May your travels find you safely to your point B as well and may any dragons you come across fall to the sword of your Cache! By the way, what was the name of the man who gifted you your Credit”? He asked.

Sir Butt calmly said, “His name is Slider Banker, and he said his friends call him Sli. I told him when we departed I would share his name and the fact that he had more sharpening tools we both call Credit”!

“Again, Thank you Sir Butt! You are a good man”! Said he, as he slowly turned his steed toward Metalurgy his Point B. And then he mumbled to himself the name of the man who made the sharpening stones…..Sli Banker has the Credit he needs.

—————————————

At this point, I need to remind you that with such a stone as hard as this and used to sharpen softer metal blades, over sharpening, or sharpening of the blade over time, will cause the blade to become skinnier and shorter and at some point in time the blade will simply disappear and nothing will be left except the handle. I hope you can see this in your minds eye. If not I suggest you see a doctor or get some help in other ways. And I quote from another source “Just Sayin”.

Bears Butt
August 23, 2015

Written on September 1st, 2015 , Sir Butt

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Just some of my old stories, new stories, and in general what is going on in my life.