I guess I’m going to have to get up earlier and get my posting done on this site so that those of you who go to work in the early morning hours will have time to get properly dressed for the daily activities.  What I’m getting at here is this:

Today, April 3, 2012 is “National Tweed Day”!!!  Look at you right now.  Are you dressed in Tweed?  Do you have a spruced up Tweed hat on?  Probably not on both questions!

So, had I gotten up and told you about this earlier, you would have at least had a chance to get properly dressed.  Now, look around at your co-workers.  How many of them are dressed in Tweed?  Probably none.  Because of my failure I’m sure.  Ask them at break and find out how many of them know that today is a famous holiday…in the name of Tweed.

As I sit here I am thinking about all the Tweed clothing in my closet that I could wear today…………..and……….I…………..can’t………..think…………of………any………in ………there.  My bad.

Ah, but a very good memory comes over me about my past.  It was a very long time ago, I was stationed in Germany at the time and I took a week off and went to Scotland for a little fishing.  The river divides Scotland from England and it’s called “The Tweed”.

I guess my memories of that river will have to suffice for me today on this National Tweed Day!

Bears Butt

April 3, 2012

Anyone who knows me also knows how much of a “flashlight” guy I am.  Well one of my friends just turned me on to this video of a very unique flashlight.  After looking at the flashlight this one just might replace all my others.

Take a look!

http://videos2view.net/texas-light.htm#.TpjYMP3QiMM.aolmail

Bears Butt

April 2012

When I was growing up (and in the background you hear, “Were you young once”?) there were challenges that we all looked forward to meeting and age played a big factor as to us being able to meet them.

For instance, 15 1/2 was the age to get a learners driver permit and then at 16 you got your “real” license!  21 was a biggie and we all know about that.  18 was the age to be able to vote and of course when we could legally leave our secure little nests at home.  But earlier in our years we had to be of a certain age to be “trusted” with big people things….like bb guns, bikes and knives.

I think I was 8 years old when somehow I came to be the owner of a nice little folding pocket knife.  I remember being out by the coal shed making an arrow from a stick.  I was trying to make the notch for the bow string on one end of that stick, when the knife suddenly came into contact with my left thumb, cutting it to the bone from the end, down past the joint.  My sister Dee happened to be home tending me and my siblings at the time and she rushed me to the hospital for stitches.  I don’t know whatever happened to that knife, but I still have the scar.  So, in my mind 8 years was too young to have a knife….let’s save that until you are 10.

Bicycles are a different thing.  As soon as you can master the balance and peddling you are good to go.  That is, as long as you know when and where you can ride safely, watch for cars etc.  Oh, and be able to endure the scrapes and bruises that come with a fall or crash.  Fixing flat tires will be left for the older kids who have access to flat blade screwdrivers and wrenches.  Where did my 7/16th inch wrench go anyway?  Brandon!

BB guns!  A sure sign of a trusting age!  BB guns can hurt and break windows and cause you to lose a lot of privileges if miss handled.  And of course you need to know what “targets” are ok to shoot.  Some parents did not like you to shoot certain birds, while other parents really didn’t care what you shot as long as it wasn’t another person, or any of their windows.  Of course, as a young man there was always some sort of trouble lurking around the corner…or on the corner….that street light was just too tempting most of the time.

I was out shooting birds in the orchard one day, when the neighbor kid came running and grabbed my bb gun and started shooting another neighbor kid with it.  I was trying to get my bb gun back from him when suddenly a huge rock bounced off my head.  The kid getting shot, threw the rock to hit the other kid and missed him and hit me.  I was out like a light and woke up in the kitchen being tended to by mother and dad.  Later that kid came and apologized for hitting me with the rock.  He had a lot of welts on his face from being shot several times and the kid doing the shooting ended up moving out of town.  Whatever happened to that bb gun?  Oh well, let’s move up to a pellet gun, I’m old enough for that now.

16 was the age to be able to go hunting!  Pheasants, ducks, geese and deer!  YES!  What a great age to be.  Not only could I drive without having an older person in the car with me, but I could carry a gun and go hunting by myself!  Hunting safety was taught by my parents and other family members.  Don’t aim at anything you don’t intend to shoot.  Above all else, don’t aim at people (rocks can come falling down on you).   Don’t shoot at anything you don’t intend to eat.  Don’t shoot things that are not in season.  Always keep your guns muzzle pointed in a safe direction, away from other people, usually pointed upward.  Short people have another thing to worry about with that one.  When hunting with a buddy, always hand him your gun before crossing a fence or jumping a ditch.  Make sure the gun is unloaded when you put it in the car or take it into the house to be put away or when the day’s hunt is over.

There were a lot of  “rules” a 16 year old had to know before being trusted with a high powered rifle or shotgun.  And with so many of us “baby boomers” coming of age, the state of Utah officials decided that a hunters safety course would probably be a good investment.  Not only for the good of the youngsters, but also for other family members and people in general.  Not every young person was being given the necessary safety talks before being turned loose in the woods.  So it was about 1963 or so, when I first heard about this safety course thing.  A flyer was being passed around at school and me and my buddies all decided to take the course to see what it was all about.

I was 13 at the time and of course I knew “everything” about the safe handling of a high powered weapon.  Afterall, I did own a pellet gun and had taken some pretty big game with it.  My marksmanship was superb with that gun and could occasionally hit a flying bird with it.  I took the course and was humbled by the things they taught me that I did not know!  The guys from the Utah Division of Wildlife really thought that class through.  We learned a whole lot about the safe handling of guns.  They even threw in muzzleloaders and how to be safe with them.  My buddies and I took the course seriously, which we thought everyone was.  When the written test was taken all of us scored 100%.  Then out at the range, shooting 22 cal. rifles, we all scored perfect bulls-eyes with all 20 shots.

They gave each of us a little card that said we passed the course and even though we did not need it to buy our hunting licenses, we still had the card.  Mine is somewhere in the house and signed by Lee Robertson, the man who spearheaded the program in Utah!  Thanks Lee!  I know you are long gone from this earth, but your program is still very much alive and doing well.

Yesterday, my grandson, Conner, finished his hunter safety course with honors!  And here is the proud owner of his certificate and his first hunting license!  Congratulations Conner!  A job well done!

In today’s Utah hunting world you can hunt small game at any age, but you need to first pass the hunter safety program.  Conner is 10 and he is ready to take on a wild turkey!  I hope the Gods of game give him that opportunity in a few weeks.  For sure, his father and grandfather will be with him trying to get that job done!

Bears Butt

April 1, 2012

Today is March 30 and according to the weird and zany, today is “National I am in control day”.

Reading up on the origin of this holiday, it isn’t so crazy after all.  It is actually a day dedicated to YOU.  Getting your life back in order.  You are in control today, so forget about the facts that the weeds are growing beyond control, that the lawn should be mowed and fertilized before it rains.  That the dog needs a bath and the garage needs cleaning.  You decide what needs to be done.  You are in control today.

Have a great day.  I have to go check on the asparagus to see if it’s growing and I need to clean up the fence line before it does.  Oh and the weeds need to be sprayed and of course the lawn needs mowing and fertilizing before it rains on Sunday and the dog…well he is another story…but wait, I cleaned the garage yesterday.  And of course I have to go to town and buy donuts for tomorrows work crew and order some timothy seed and make sure the cans are full of diesel.  Yes, I am in control today.

Bears Butt

Do not buy a car today!  Do not listen to any politicians today!  And be prepared for someone to fool you with what seems to be reality!  Why?  Because today is National Smoke and Mirrors day!

Now, if you do happen to talk to a politician or watch one blowing smoke on the television or hear one talking B.S. on the radio and you believe what you are seeing or hearing….just wait until tomorrow and see if that politician backs off of what they said and apologizes for playing around with the holiday.  An honest politician would do that you know.  But then, is there such an animal as an “honest politician”?

Yes, National Smoke and Mirrors day!  What a wonderful thing.  Who thinks these things up?

Smoke and mirrors was what magicians did in the old days and probably still do today (I have not seen any magic shows lately).  They would have a stage on which they performed and they had lots of mirrors positioned around the stage.  When they wanted a certain illusion to occur, they would explode a smoke bomb to distract the audience and then quickly move a mirror into a given position to give the illusion they wanted.  I’ll bet the first one to do that was amazing!  After the audience caught on however, the magician would have had to do something really different to make you think he/she was a real magician…like Houdini.  Now HE was real.

Why do I think he was real?  Because he worked alot under water.  Chaining himself up and being dropped into a huge tank of water.  And then he would get out of the bonds that held him and would surface just in the nick of time to get a breath of air.  Besides, you can’t explode a smoke bomb under water, so he must have been real.

Now don’t go and blame me for blowing smoke up your…….I’m an honest man, with integrity, valor and all thoughts good and pure.  Always in YOUR best interest…remember that…I may run for office one day.

When I think of magical shows, it leads me to think of the traveling ones and always around Tennessee….is that how the mountains down there got their name…The Smokey Mountains?  Or am I just imagining a Chameleon on a mirror?  By the way, what color would that critter turn?

Bears Butt

March 29, 2012

I must have weird friends.  One of them told me that today is “something on a stick day”.

Does that mean like a corn dog?  Or do I roast a hotdog over a fire on one of Edjukateers famous “not so long sticks”?  Maybe shiskabob?

It might not mean eating anything though.  Maybe it means to whack someone with an “ugly stick”!

Something on a stick, could be a balloon tied to a stick (Happy Birthday Clutch!).  Or just a string, or a whip, or best of all a fishing pole!  For a juggler, it could be balancing a ball on a stick.  For uncoordinated folks like me it could be a empty beer can upside down on the end of a stick.

Here is an idea website for you fans:

http://somethingonastick.com/

Well, whatever you find it means, have a great day doing it!  Happy Something on a Stick Day!

Bears Butt

March 28, 2012

I know this is too late for this year, but you might want to consider it for next.  Keep this website in your favorites or bookmark it now.  Nothing worse than being caught on St. Patrick’s day without something “green” on.  And in case you are one who always seems to end up with some toilet paper hanging out the backside of your pants, this just might save you from a severe pinching.

Besides, what is more associated with St. Patrick’s day than the color “green”?  Nothing I can think of, unless it’s Corned Beef and Cabbage and a large mug of cold green beer.  I love this meal!  And the leftovers make wonderful meals and sandwiches and the broth is excellent heated up and poured from a thermos on a cold day fishing or hunting!  Yum!

Here is the website, you might want to avoid the rush for next year and order today:

http://extracolorful.com/green/green-paper.html

Bears Butt

The day before St. Patty’s Day, 2012

I understand that a bill has passed the house and senate and is now before the governor of Utah that will increase the bounty on coyotes from $20 to $50!  The objective is to cut deeply into the coyote population in the state in an effort to help our declining deer populations.

Mixed emotions have been hitting the table pretty hard by some.  The proponents are saying YA!!!  Mo Money for my efforts!  While the opponents are saying no more coyotes will be killed by the rookie hunters and they will only educate them.  Others are saying the money could be better used in other programs rather than paying hunters.  And the anti hunters are calling it an extreme move by our trusted government leaders to slaughter innocent animals.

I’m not sure if it is a state wide thing or not and I don’t know how you collect the bounty.  I have heard that you have to turn in both ears and the tail to collect the money, but is that true?  I don’t know.

I think it is a great idea for those who like to shoot the varmints and perhaps the bounty would pay for the gas!  The pelts would not be worth anything once the ears and tail are removed, so to a person into trapping or shooting them for hide prices would not gain in that regard.  But, on an up note the price of a prime coyote hide in todays market is only going to get you around $20 anyway, so this bounty really looks good to me.

Who wants to go kill a truck load of these varmints?

Bears Butt

March 2012

I found these top 40 things you won’t hear a redneck say on

www.digitaldreamdoor.com

40 Things You Won’t Hear A Redneck Say

40. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.
39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won’t fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can’t feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
30. Wrestling’s fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We’re vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
24. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin’ is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I’ve got it all on the C: drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
5. I don’t have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin tonight.

Tomorrow is Leap Day!  WAHOOOO!  Why was an extra day added to February every 4 years?  It has to do with the amount of time it takes the earth to rotate around the sun.  You see, we always consider it to take 365 days for the earth to accomplish this rotation, but in actuality it takes just a bit over 365 days and 5 hours for it to happen.  Mulitply 5 hours times 4 years and that is 20 hours.  Almost another day.  Actually the minutes and seconds that it takes are added to the 365 plus 5 hours and it ends up being “close to exactly” 24 hours.

So, in order for the calendar to show more accurately the days of full moons and no moons and Easter and Christmas and Thanksgiving and your birthday, we add an extra day to February…February 29th.  That’s tomorrow.

AHHH!  A beautiful day is in store for us.

Oh, did I mention your pay?  You work for a salary don’t you?  And you boast to your friends and family, “I work for $35,000 p/year”!  That is wonderful.  What about you on a fixed income.  You are retired and earn a whopping $12,000 p/year.  Not bad if your mortgage is paid for, but when you look at it $12,000 p/year is $1,000 p/month.  Take out the taxes and your health insurance and you don’t get a check.

But my point is this.  On Feb. 29th, you don’t get ANY money.  For you workers, you are working for FREE!  Thank you very much!  Think about it!  You signed up for an annual pay of X amount and that was based on a 365 day contract.  Toss in a 366 th day and vooella!  The boss has you working for free.

So, does this make you want to protest going to work?  I’d say!  So, call in sick, but then that takes away from your pool of sick days allowed.  Call in a vacation day.  Nope, that takes away your time you want to spend with the kids in July.

I think we should declare another holiday and let it happen on leap day every 4 years!  Yes!  February 29th!  Call the holiday “No Pay Day”.  You can sleep in, no business’ will be open.  It would have to  be made a law that no business’ could make their employees work that day.  No midnight madness sales.  No special events that cause anyone to have to work.  No McDonalds, No movies, No sports, No TV, No internet, No anything that isn’t automated.

I love the thought.  What if a robber comes into your home.  No Police!  You would have to do your own shooting and hopefully take the robber out completely, because there would be no ambulance until tomorrow.

If your lights go out.  Be thankful if you have some candles, because no crews are going to be out fixing whatever caused the outage.

Stock up on your favorite drinks and plan on playing with family members.  Board games, crocheting, sharpening your knives, maybe sweep out the garage.

Tomorrow when you wake up and get ready to go to work, remember what I have written here…YOU AINT GITTIN PAID TODAY!

Bears Butt

Feb. 28, 2012