This is what Bears Butt’s business card looks like!  It would make a great fridge magnet!  Just sayin!

Bears Butt

February 6, 2014

So, if you read the comments below, you will quickly find out that Bones took the time to download this picture of my card and made herself a fridge magnet out of it!

Good going Bones!  Everyone needs to take a page out of your book!  Bears Butt Dot Com fridge magnets are the latest craze!

For all of you, here is what hers looks like:

Thanks Bones!

Bears Butt

February 9, 2014

This tree does not need a sign placed on or near it to tell people not to climb up it.  It’s actually a tree called Hura crepitans L.  I have not idea what that means in the scientific world, but I’m convinced if you were stuck fast to this tree you would be yelling something like “Hurry!  I’m a captive to this creepy tree”!!!  Thus “Hura” (Hurry)!  The “itans” (Titans) have me captured and they are “crepi” (creepy)!!!!

It really makes you wonder why God made such a tree like this.  What is its purpose?  Is there any good that can come from it?  (Bears Butt investigates!)

A search for some answers has revealed there isn’t very much good about this tree.  First off it grows where it’s rather warm, humid and where quite a bit of rain falls.  It’s native to North and South America, has large paper thin leaves that can grow to over 2 feet long and it produces fruit in the shape of large pods full of seeds.

None of that makes the tree seem like anything out of the ordinary, except for the spiky trunk.  But reading through the scientific evidence I found on the web, it is anything BUT ordinary.  Natives used to dip the points of their arrows and spears into sap that was extracted from the tree and this acted as a poison on the animals (and men) they poked with the arrows, quickly dispatching the life and making their tracking jobs less of a headache (my take on it).

The sap also causes your skin to rash up should you get it on you and if you rub your eyes with it, you are instantly blinded.  The blindness does go away after a long while, but I think I would not want to find out just how long it took.  Add to that if you ingest some of the sap it’s just a matter of time before it’s “lights out” for you.

So, here you have a nasty looking spiny tree with sap that causes death and blindness and you think that is about all there is to this tree.  Not so!  This baby has been known to grow over 200 feet tall!  200 feet!  I can not imagine standing at the base of one of these trees and looking up toward the top, I don’t think you could bend over backwards enough to see that high up!  I challenge you to that task!  200 feet is over 66 yards!  Farther than the longest pass attempt of this past Super Bowl!

Now let’s look at the fruit!  You would think that God would make a nasty tree like this and in the end the fruit would be very tasty, good for you and everything about the fruit would be positive.  BUT, God had other plans!  These fruit pods contain a soft tissue when they are growing and the seeds inside are soft as well.  My reading said that ingestion of one (1) small seed would cause stomach cramps, diarrhea, nauseousness, vomiting, convulsions…well you get the drift…not a pretty scene.  And should that not be enough for you, ingestion of two (2) seeds would lead to certain death!

The picture I have shown here is a ripe fruit pod.  They are green in color while they grow and when the fruit becomes ripe it turns this brown color.  As the color changes, so does the outer skin of the pod change.  It begins to dry out and cracks somewhat between the “petals” that you see.  Once it reaches its peak of ripeness and dryness the outer pod “explodes”….Yes…EXPLODES!  The pods exploding can be heard as if they were 22 shells going off and when this happens the seeds inside are scattered about the area.

Now when I say scattered about the area, I mean these seeds can be jettisoned over 100 yards!  And at a speed of over 150 mph!  Man, don’t be standing there looking at a seed pod when it goes off!  That would surely blind you!  I’m rather amazed the guy dared to hold the pod in that picture above!

Not everyone calls the tree   Hura crepitans L, for obvious reasons it’s commonly referred to as “the monkey no climb tree”, and “the monkey grenade tree”.

One thing is certain in my mind, I’m glad we don’t have them around these parts and I’m quite amazed there isn’t an all out world wide attempt to rid the face of the earth of every last one of them.  I’d highly doubt you would see someone sitting in one in an attempt to keep someone else from cutting it down.  Which brings up another thing or two about this bad boy tree.  If you are ever in the need to cut one down, be sure to wear protective coverings for your eyes, face, arms and everywhere that the shavings and sap could contact your body, or that you could breath in any of the same stuff.

On a positive note…they say the wood is pretty and you can make some really nice looking stuff from it.

Good dermatologists in the areas where these trees grow, highly recommend you tend to these trees daily!  It keeps them in business!

Bears Butt

February 6, 2014

Weasel is my computer go to guy for this site and yesterday I asked him about making “comments” easier for you folks to make.  Unknown to me if you wanted to leave a comment after a story you had to put in your name, email address, company name (if you had one) and then your comment.  That is over the top in my opinion, so he changed it!  (insert smiley face)

Now you still have to put in your name, that is not so bad, and then leave your comment…pretty simple!  My spam filter knows who is real and who is not, but all the comments still have to be approved by me…I’m the last filter!

Since this is a family show type web site, if someone uses inappropriate language in their comments, even if they are not spammers, I will not approve those type of comments.  So parents, not to worry!  Say Amen!

Thanks Weasel for making this change for me!

Bears Butt

February 6, 2014

This morning we are heading for the fishing tourney in Wyoming…I hope we make it there.

As usual when I get up this early 3:15, I try my best not to disturb my better half (3/4ths) and I tip toe around the place making sure the lights are not left on, or even turned on at all.  This morning has not been very friendly for her so far.

It started with me attempting to put one of two thermos bottles on the counter….I hit the bottom of one against the edge of the counter top and it flipped forward…the very loose lid came off and bounced forward and hit the small cutting board and Ulu knife that leans against the edge of the wall on the backside of the counter top, the lid then proceeded to fall into the sink, to an awaiting glass pan lid, while on top of the counter, the cutting board and Ulu knife slowly fell toward me and then crashed down hard on top of the counter.

That was a lot of racket and I’m quite surprised I didn’t hear something come yelling at me from the back bedroom.  I thought I would, but she must be in a good mood.

My mind raced as to why that just happened and could not come up with any explanation, except…repeat after me…Imma…dumbshit!

I picked things up and put them back in their relative positions and proceeded to gather more things up to heat my broth…yummy left over corned beef broth saved from the last time we had corned beef.  I filled the pan with the broth and the thermos with hot water.  Then proceeded into my den to begin writing something of entertainment for you to read.

As the computer was booting up the weather channel was hanging up and beginning to P.O. me….I could not get it to close down and let me open up the master playground of Bears Butt Dot Com…suddenly I heard the faint noise of something spilling against a hot cook plate…I rushed into the kitchen to find the broth boiling over the top and all over the stove!!!!!

Yikes!

I turned off the plate, grabbed a hot pad and moved the boiling over pan to a cold plate, of course spilling more contents across the top of the stove as I went.  A big old mess was before me!

My mind thought, what could happen next?

The pouring of the broth into the thermos was no big deal, but we will be short about a cup of broth…a small price to pay for the beating I’ll get when Winemaker turns that hot plate on next.  I did clean up the mess on top of the stove, but didn’t get underneath the hot plate.  My bad, but I have a fishing trip to make and no time to mess with the mess!  Sorry, I do have my priorities!

And besides I was able to make a second pot of coffee without incident!  My good!

As a side note, I received a base layer shirt for Christmas from Weasel and Hot Spark and until this morning I had always worn it on top of my red flannel underwear…not so today, I figure I’m going to need all the warmth I’ll be able to get for that Wyoming weather we are facing and so I put it on and then my red flannels over that…what a remarkable difference in the warmth…It’s too hot in this house right now!

I hope to have a success story of several huge fish caught and measured for today’s contest, but who knows….whatever happens will be reported, with pictures and even if the day turns out to be just another day on the ice with friends and no fish…so be it…it sure beats anything else I can think of doing today!

Wish us luck!

Bears Butt

February 1, 2014 (What happened to January?)

Our home has had a bad case of “being sick” since before Christmas!  When will it end?  There are days when we feel pretty good and think it’s all over, and then whammo…the “feel bads” are winning again.  Yesterday was one of those days for me.  By 4 p.m. I could feel the fever beginning to attack and by 9 I was had!

Some day it will go away and it can’t be too soon.

So, about 3 a.m. this morning I awoke to the need to hit the bathroom and noticed my side of the bed was wringing wet from me sweating!  I did my duty and then drank 2 big glasses of water and went back to that damp environment.  At least it was warm.

Now is when things started to get interesting.  I could feel I had a fever and the sweating began almost immediately, but I lay there trying to go back to sleep.  For the next two hours this is what I remember:

I found myself at a rendezvous and I was carrying my possibles bag, rifle, powder horn, No Grimaces’ rifle and possibles bag, Trackers favorite movie camera and a tri-pod.  I was wandering around through this large gathering of mountain folks trying to find anyone that looked familiar.  None of them had I ever seen before.  All of them seemed to be “traders”, with their blankets stretched out and they were sitting in small groups discussing stuff and trying to lure people closer to look at their goods.  The land where this rendezvous was being held was not flat, it was filled with deep, rocky crevasses and cedar trees barely hanging on to the edges by what little root systems they had holding them up.

Somehow I  got away from the burden I was carrying….I laid it all down someplace…and now I was frantically trying to relocate it.

Still nobody looked familiar.  I scrambled trying to scale one of the many rocky cliffs to get up on the top of it.  The rocks I grabbed gave way and tumbled down the narrow crevasse below me.  People down there, out of sight from me, were yelling up for me to stop tumbling rocks down upon them.  I had to make a mad scramble back in the direction from where I had come.  A traders blanket drooped over the edge of the cliff I was on and partially kept me from reaching the far side.  I made it after a very tough struggle.  And there lay my rifle and all the other things I had misplaced.  I tried to pick it all up, but it was too much to carry.  I looked around and there were no people who looked trust worthy enough to leave any of it with.  I was in a very big dilemma.

And then, just as quickly as I had misplaced and found again, my load of guns and camera equipment, there were two young boys insisting I join them in finding something.  What that was I’ll never know, but we ended up at a large bleacher filled with people watching young people perform on a stage far below them.  And then I was alone.  Someone called out that they knew I hadn’t voted yet and that I needed to get down to “the building” and vote before it was too late.  I scrambled up the bleachers and over the other side, suddenly finding myself in a wood shack with extremely steep stairs leading down to a door.  The stairs were filled with old rusty tools of every sort.  A hammer fell and someone above me yelled at me and asked why I dropped that hammer down on the table below.  I looked down and there were lots of hammers laying there, I kept struggling to get down the stairs through all the tools, trying my best not to knock any others to the floor below.

When I made it to the door, I opened it to find a long narrow room filled with people.  It was pretty dark inside and a guy was carrying a wooden box, like an old fashioned shoe shine box and yelling if anyone wanted to vote as the time was closing fast.  I yelled out that I needed to vote and he proceeded to hand me a paper and pencil……

——————————–

I awoke to Winemaker getting up to go and do her exercises.

So, what does a dream like this one tell you?  Pretty confusing if you ask me, but it was so vivid I was able to recall all of this later on when Winemaker and I were having coffee.  A fever dream for sure.

Bears Butt

January 29, 2014

I just came across this on the internet and thought I’d share with you guys.

Bears Butt
January 26, 2014

These computers are really something else.  I remember when I was working (at a real job) and they brought in “MY” computer….it took the tech guys almost all day to get me hooked up and running.  And then in came the sweet little gal to teach this old dog how to operate it.  I didn’t have any clue as to how this thing was going to help me.  I was new to my job (the boss) and I was eager to learn and then to show “my people” how to make their computers work for them.

The whole deal of modernizing our office was in the hands of a few.  We were to become what eventually was state of the art in the world of aerial photography.  And here I sat, in total obliviousness!  The gal showed me and I took lots of notes.  She kept saying, “Now don’t write down your password!  Someone could come in and find it and get into your computer and really cause a lot of problems”!  But, how in the heck could I remember my password?  After all, by tomorrow I will have forgotten it.  Unknown to her I did write it down on a sticky note and put it in a special place only I could find it.  I used it every day, until finally I could remember it.  I also remember after a year of using my computer I had sticky notes all around the screen.  Notes of every kind!

Now, it seems like the computer is something I just can’t do without!  I use it every day…well, every day I’m not hunting or camping or whatever, away from the house.  But if I’m home, I use it daily and some days….ALL DAY LONG!

It can get frustrating and I really appreciate when someone calls and says something I have sent them won’t print.  Today was one of those days.

I sent out a “jpeg” file of the Super Bowl Board…gambling is illegal you know, so keep this one quiet….besides we aren’t gambling…we are going to enjoy watching a football game and have to have a reason to watch it…that is why we have this board.  It’s our incentive.  We could care less if the Broncos or the Sea Hawks beat each other up and one of them wins.  What matters is if our square on the “incentive” matches with the score when the game is done.

So, Muskrat was having a time trying to print the jpeg attachment I sent yesterday.  He was sort of “fit to be tied” and called asking if I could redo the attachment in “pdf” format and resend it….Of course I can.  I had to ask Winemaker how to do it, but together we got it done and off it went as another attachment to an email to Muskrat.

I waited a few minutes and then called him to make sure everything was alright.  He was sitting at his computer and just opened it up.  It was important that he get it printed and have it in his hand when he met the “boys” at the coffee shop this morning, I completely understand.

As we conversed and he was working diligently on his end talking to himself as he went…the mumbling kept reminding me of myself when I first started playing with my computer at work.  I also went on a short memory lane trip in my head about how fascinated I was the first time I sent an attachment from my office to an office in Washington DC….the person was on the phone to me and asked if I could sent a certain file I was in charge of keeping updated.  I sent it via the computer and while she was on the phone, she said…”OK, I got it!”  And the amazing thing was that I had just pushed the “enter” key…zingo!  She got it!  That was my first mouth dropping event of the “new age” of computers.

So, today as I listened to the mumblings on the phone I could not help but grin and think about what he was doing trying to get the document to print.

As it was looking very promising on his end, he related a story about “last week”, when he was having printer problems.  He said he printed these things over and over and nothing would come out of the computer.  His frustrations got the best of him and he left the room.  Later in the day, or the next day or whenever, he came back into his computer room and had pieces of printed papers all over the floor and in the printer catch bin!  How could I not laugh at that?  I laughed and laughed!

So, with my coffee cup in hand, I solute you Muskrat!  Job well done!

Bears Butt

January 26, 2014

Yesterday Winemaker and I were sitting in our usual spots enjoying our morning coffee when she said, “It sure seems cold in here this morning”.  I checked the temp and sure enough it was only 63 degrees…brrrr!

I went to the thermostat and it was set on 68, just where it’s been for a hundred years, so I kicked it up to 75, pulled the cover off it and blew out the dust!  I thought maybe a spider had crawled in there and gotten himself between some contacts or something.

And so the day went on…later I told her I thought I could hear something strange with the noise the furnace was making…you could hear and feel the blower working, but then there would be pulsing noises like it was trying to fire up and then it would shut itself off.  This would occur about every 10 seconds.  On…Off…On…Off.   She could not hear what I was trying to describe….until this morning!

When she heard it her first comment was….”We need to call Scott and get him to come and look at the furnace”!

Scott Pettingill is his name and he lives in Brigham City.  He owns Box Elder Heating and Air Conditioning and he was the man who installed the furnace and central air in the old house.  I have worked with Scott quite a bit over the last 10 years or so.  A good, reliable and reasonable heating and air conditioning man.  He knows his business and doesn’t bite the hand that feeds him!  If you want fair and honest!  Scott is the man…435-723-3151

It was about 7 a.m. at this time and so I texted his number asking him to call me when it was convenient.  My phone rang less than 15 minutes later.  I told him we had an issue with the furnace and he said he would be out about 8 a.m.

At 7:55 Scott pulled into the driveway!  Grabbed his small bag of tools and headed for the basement.  He stood there listening to the noise the furnace was making and said…”We have a water problem”!

Our furnace is going on 19 years old and it is of a type that creates condensed water and that water drains into our floor drain in the basement.  Scott knew right away the water was not draining.  Something had it plugged and the way the furnace is designed, if something in the workings of the furnace is not right, the sensors tell it not to operate.  So, as a little bit of water would drain through the plug, the furnace would ignite, then when new water built up to the stop point, the furnace would shut off…thus the On again, Off again stuff.

Scott found a drain plug on the main drain, opened it and drained out some very ugly stuff!  That ugly stuff was little bits of rust mixed with water and over the years it has been building up until it completely covered the main drain pipe outlet.  Who would have thought?

So, with all the BS’n and stuff, Scott was here about an hour….his charge?  $40!

The furnace is working just like new, the house is warm and the thermostat is set back to 68…Winemaker has a big old smile on her face, I have a big old smile on my face, MaPa’s is looking at us wondering why we have big old smiles on our faces, and Scott is off to another job!

Does it get any better than that?

Bears Butt

January 24, 2014

We were heading up toward Hardware Ranch the other day and I saw a Bald Eagle gliding down the canyon.  I made a comment that he was a little early to be migrating through at this time of year.  Usually they don’t show up until around the second week of February.

Of course Winemaker informed me that I don’t always see the individual ones that come through early, I only see the masses of them as they glide around at the peak of the migration.

As for my thoughts on the subject, I think I observe lots of things, and I still think this one eagle is early.  So I believe that this sighting is an indication of an early Spring!  That’s what I’m saying and I’m sticking to it!

At the ranch, while we waited for the others to show up, we observed a small band of six wild turkeys on the hill side.  Several of the Toms were fanning their tails out and strutting around like they were meaning some business.  That is another indicator to me of an early Spring…Strutting Toms!

So there were two signs in one day!

This morning while we were eating our breakfast, a bird flew down and picked up a stick that was laying on the brown grass and flew off with it!  What does that tell you?

And even though we have not heard from Punxsutawney Phil, the ground hog over in Pennsylvania, I’m here to tell you winter’s back is broken and you best get your Spring stuff ready to do!  Bears Butt went out and got the paper this morning and saw his shadow!  Only six more weeks until you see a 70 degree day!

This just might turn into something big, so mark your calendars!  People just might be flocking around Bears Butt’s den waiting for him to come out and see his shadow….who knows!?!

Bears Butt

January 23, 2014

Winemaker and I have been invited by Tracker and Bones to join them in helping feed the elk up at Hardware Ranch this morning!  I’ve never done it before so it will be a fun time.  Winemaker will be in charge of pictures and I’ll post some up when we get back!

In the mean time it looks like a gorgeous day to be out in the mountains!

Bears Butt

January 21, 2014