By: Bears Butt

This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way back I stopped at the gas station to get some gas, and this drop dead gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump.

She looked at the ammo in the back of my truck and said in a very sexy voice,
“I’m a big believer in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?”

I thought it over for a few seconds and responded …… “well, just what kind of ammo you got to trade?”

——————

Thanks Muskrat!  I like this one!

Bears Butt

Feb. 16, 2013

By: Bears Butt

Todays law makers are sometimes way out in left field when it comes to making laws that actually have some real meaning.  We can all relate to the latest Federal and “some” states mandates on firearms in trying to eliminate or control mass shootings.  I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again…You can not legislate gun control.

I went looking for stupid laws around the nation, laws that were thought to be practical at the time but are way out there now and need to be removed from the books, re-worded or at least have the wording changed.  So as not be called discriminating, I’ll try and produce at least one such law from each of the states.

Alabama:  I had a tough time limiting this to just a few…they have a bunch!

Bear Wrestling matches are prohibited.

Incestuous marriages are legal.

It’s illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sunset on Wednesday.

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

Alaska:

Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.

Although it is legal to shoot a bear, to wake a bear from slumber for the purpose of taking a photograph is strictly prohibited.

Arizona:

When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.

In Mericopa county, No more than six girls may live in any house.

Arkansas:

The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.

In Fayetteville, It is illegal to kill “any living creature”.

California:

California prison workers will no longer be allowed to have sex with inmates.

In San Jose and Sunnyvale it is illegal for grocery stores to provide plastic bags.

Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

Colorado:

Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses.

In Boulder City, It is legal to challenge a police officer, but only until he or she asks you to stop.

Connecticut:

Town records may not be kept where liquor is sold.

In Devon City, It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.

In Hartford City, It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

Delaware:

It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.

In Lewes City, It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.  And,

It is illegal to wear pants that are “firm fitting” around the waist.

Florida:

The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages.

It is illegal to sell your children.

A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.

(I’m sorry but Florida has a heap of dumb laws).

Georgia:

If an organization non registered as “non-profit” fails to register their raffle with the local sheriff, that group risks paying up to $10,000 in fines and spending five years in jail.

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

Hawaii:

All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.

Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears.

Idaho:

By: Bears Butt

I received an email this morning that sort of hits the current nail on the head.  Thanks Cody!

I listened to the BS from our President last night and thought how well he spoke.  But then what he was saying wasn’t making a whole lot of sense to me.  If we are so over the top with debt and big government, why on earth would his speech be so filled with New and exciting government programs?  Where is the cutting going to take place?

Of all that he said the only real thing I heard him say was he wanted to fix the infrastructure of our major highways….especially the bridges and over passes.  Didn’t we do that when he first got into office?  Wasn’t that one of the big stimulus programs?  Didn’t we see hundreds of Hispanic people working to fix up the bridges and overpasses in this state?  What I saw back then was a few construction companies with many, many hired Hispanics working to fix up the over passes on I-15 and I-80 through Utah.  I’m sure the other states had the same thing going on.

So, who really benefited by that stimulus?  I don’t feel any safer crossing over an overpass now than I did then…oh well.  I think he has some sort of fetish about over passes and bridges.  Maybe he got an “A” once on a paper he wrote in the third grade or something.

Anyway, back to my writing….the email I received this morning had a picture of something I had never seen or heard of before.  Not that I have seen and heard of everything, but in my desire to find something interesting for you on this site, I do discover lots of stuff that is unusual.  This one is a great find.

Back in the day when the folks arrived in this country for the first time, the Native Americans brought out some smoking materials and shared it with their newly found white friends.  Tobacco.  The new people soon learned that this plant was used not only to smoke, but to heal the ill in a lot of ways.  When they left to go back home and tell the home folks what they had discovered they also took some tobacco with them.

Back home the tobacco was shared among a lot of people and some of them began to dissect it and study what it was made of and what it could be used for.  They too started to use it as a medicine and even to fumigate homes where some dreaded disease caused someone to pass away.   It was thought to heal lung ailments, stomach problems, gout, cramps, coughs and even female diseases.

Now, you might find this unusual, but I have grown tobacco before and trust me, the leaves are very large and very sticky.  When you are going to use it as a smoking material, you first have to hang the plant upside down and allow the leaves to dry out.  Once that is done, you cut the leaves off the main stem and stack them while they continue to cure.  They will dry to a very brittle state and then along comes a humid day (and it doesn’t take much) and suddenly the leaves are moist and flexible again.  That is when you process them into smoking material or roll them into cigars.

So, now that you have this knowledge; these old timers would take the leaves and moisten them up and put ointments on them and heat them and use them as wraps to help heal wounds and ward off the unknown bugs that were causing the person so much grief.  Tobacco was a cure all, sort of.  Now days we know it doesn’t cure much of anything except to kill off a few thousand people every year.  But is that helping with anything?  I think not.

So, here is the picture that was sent to me this morning:

Pretty cool looking doctors case with a bunch of who knows what in it.  But for sure we all recognize the bellows, the big thing in the middle.  Bellows are used to keep the fire going in a blacksmiths shop.  By blowing on the hot coals it increases the intensity of the heat and super heats the metal he is going to pound into some sort of useful tool.  It was used by the ladies to help get supper ready faster in the fire place…the rich ladies had these, the poor folks just had to wait a little longer for their porridge to heat up.

Well, this little device used tobacco smoke to help with a medical procedure.  The tobacco would be placed into a device to get it smoking, then it was transferred to the bulbous unit you see on the lower left.  Then that was attached to the bellows.  The long protrusion pipe on the other end of the bulbous thing was then inserted slowly (I hope) into a persons rectum and the bellows would then be squeezed causing the smoke to enter into the sick persons body….hmmm…I think I would rather have a stomach ache and take care of it naturally.  A smoke enema.

And so I will end this by comparing our Presidents speech last night with this medical devise…Someone is blowing smoke up your butt!

Bears Butt

Feb. 13, 2013

 

By: Bears Butt

My mother was raised in a little log cabin way out in the sticks South of Moab Utah, actually South of LaSal, which is South of Moab.  She was born in 1916 and her father (Grand Dad Meyers) had built a nice cozy little cabin out in the middle of nowhere.  For some reason only he would know, he built the cabin on the opposite side of a dry wash from the  road that loops from the town of LaSal south and then west to the main road between Moab and Monticello.

Grand Dad was a self taught auto mechanic and when travelers cars would break down, he would go and tow them in and fix them.  We heard several stories from Mother about how people would come wandering in seeking help.

The area where the old cabin still stands is a desolate and yet beautiful one.  Grand Dad had homesteaded the place and when he pulled up stakes the property reverted back to the BLM.  They have since chained a large expanse of cedar trees down that used to occupy the land from the road over to the cabin, a distance of nearly 1/2 mile.

Mothers stories from here child hood still can be heard in my mind and she and her siblings had quite the time.  Poverty would have been the norm but she and her sisters and brothers didn’t know any different.  Grand Dad would hunt deer and bring in what he could to keep them fed.  Times were tough.  The weather very hot in the summer and very cold in the winter.

The cabin was built around a big old cedar tree and why Grand Dad decided that was a cool thing to do, I question his thoughts on it, much like placing the cabin on the other side of the wash.  In order to drive to the cabin, you had to cross the wash, and if there was water in it, it was impassible.  I suppose a man who had a trained Great Horned owl and a talking magpie thought differently than most do today (even in his day).  I loved that man!

The wash was the “playhouse” as mother called it.  She and her sisters would walk up it to a place where the rock walls formed shelves and on the shelves they would place their make believe store items or kitchen needs etc.  The walk up from the cabin to that place is several hundred yards and for children it would have seemed like a very long distance.  Rattle snakes, cougars and other dangers existed along the way and back.  Mother had stories about encounters with each of them.

At a very young age, Grand Dad taught her how to shoot a 22 rifle and she bragged about being able to shoot a squirrel right in the eye and not ruin any meat.  I saw her shoot and she was a great shot.  Not that I ever saw her shoot a squirrel in the eye, but I did see her shoot a nice 3 point buck.

So, what has brought this story to mind?  Well, I’ve been painting.  And painting leads one to clear stuff out of the way and then put it back.  I have a lot of junk that needs to be trashed and so yesterday I was filtering through the stuff and deciding what needed to be saved and what is truly junk.  I came across an envelope marked “Muzzleloader Hunt 1986”.  The hand writing was from brother Bob.  Inside the envelope were three maps that he had drawn for us that year to help guide us to some great deer hunting.  And one of the maps showed where the old cabin is located.

Bob did his best to try and guide us to shooting our limits of bucks on that hunt.  As it turned out we didn’t bring any venison home from that hunt, but it sure was a great time, with lots and lots of good stories.  I’ll have to tell you some later.

On closer examination of this map, which by the way, is quite detailed and accurate.  We can see the “x” marking the location of the cabin.

Meyers cabin is what he called it and it’s located in the Big Indian Valley.  I see on the map “Wise Cabin” and Mother told us of a story about Grand Dad on the last day they were living at the cabin.

It seemed that they were using water from a spring about 50 yards up the hill from the cabin.  Grand Dad had hand dug that spring and made it a useable source of drinking, bathing and cooking water.  All lined with rocks and easy to go and get water in a pale.  Old man Wise, who lived just over the hill behind them went into town and “filed on the water”, he now owned it and made a quick trip to tell Grand Dad this news.  Grand Dad was furious!  And to this day I don’t know why Mr. Wise lived another minute.  But Grand Dad did what he thought best at the time.  He got out all the dynamite he had and blew that spring to kingdom come!  Mother said the water and rocks and dirt were thrown hundreds of feet in all directions when that dynamite exploded.  And when all was said and done, the spring was not putting out any more water.  That is when they moved into Moab.  Besides the kids were nearing high school age and needed better schooling than shooting eyes out of squirrels.

I went on Google Earth a few months ago and tried to pick where I thought the cabin was located.  This was without Bobs map of course, but take a look at what I put together…

Pretty close to what Bob drew if you ask me.

So I have to credit this one to brother Bob!  Thanks for drawing us that map.  We didn’t see any deer around the cabin on that hunt, but we did eat some hot dogs and basked in the sun while we were there.

Bears Butt

Feb. 12, 2013 (Fat Tuesday)

By: Bears Butt

The huge snow storm that hit the New England states has me worried a whole bunch.  First off, I have many visitors to this blog that live in that area.  They are experiencing large areas of power outs and power outs means they can’t log on and read this stuff.  What can I do?  I know…I’ll send my signal to a satellite and they can beam it down to their cell phones.  Brandon, do you copy?

When they do finally get their power back on it will take them several days to get caught up, but that should be a relief over shoveling snow.  And I’m sure many of them will have stoved up backs and will be just laying around with hot pads on while they read.  Hey guys, don’t forget to read the archives on here too.  Oh ya, and check out some of the ads.

So, yesterday was a full day of moving snow…10 till 1:30…maybe not a full day to you, but it was for me.  Nice pretty white fluffy snow about 4 inches deep, with a thick layer of heavy wet snow underneath and dog poop mixed in because the dog can’t find a path to the tree.  I love winter, but this has been enough.  The snow is piled up higher than I ever recall and there is no place to put any more of it…and still overnight we have had another 3 inches and I look out at the snow still falling…ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!  GUARDS…FOCUS SOME MORE HEAT DOWN HERE!

My focus is on those poor people in the N.E.  A picture in todays paper shows a street with cars lined up on both sides, mostly only the tops of the cars are sticking above the snow.  No sidewalks can be seen and three people are out there shoveling what appears to be their cars out of the drifts.  Why on earth would they want to try and get their cars out of that nice snow drift?  So they can go slide into another one?  Get serious folks.  There isn’t a tyrant boss anywhere that expects to see your smiling face at work.  Heck, he isn’t even going to be there.  The power is out, which means the heat is off, you can’t make coffee, or see your computer and worst yet, the donut shop down on the street isn’t open either.  Go back into your home, apartment, studio or where ever and relax.

So, now all of that rhetoric above has lead me to my REAL concerns for those folks stuck in all of that snow.  Beer!  They could not have fathomed all of that snow and the loss of wheels to get them to the store.  The distributors could not have had the foresight to convince the stores and bars to stock up in preparation for all of these people to be off work, with nothing to do but look at the big drifts outside.  Power outages doesn’t  effect chilling of beer, especially when the power outage is caused by snow…snow chills beer.

Here are thousands of people who like to drink beer and all of them are out of stock.  The bars are out of stock.  The stores are out of stock.  The distributors can’t get their trucks out on the road to stock up any one and so, they will have to become retail outlets for the brave walk-in crowd.  How many cases of beer can you carry and walk through 4 foot drifts back to your apartment?  And watch out for the guys that can’t walk that far, they are going to want your beer and with your arms full, you can’t get to your concealed carry weapon to stop them.  This is bad folks!

And a reminder to you bar owners who just happen to have some beer on hand.  Remember, these patrons are there because you are within walking distance of where they live.  They may frequent your place on occasion when the snow is not so deep as it is now, but they are there now because of a dire situation beyond their control.  Not because you are the best in the area.  So, my advise to you is “DO NOT GOUGE” their pocketbooks.  They will remember when this is all over and if you don’t treat them right, they will shut you down!  It’s a time for everyone to work together.

As for me, I have a pretty good stock on hand but my time is limited.  I must now venture out into the falling white flakes and push the snow that lays on the ground.  One more day of pushing snow in a series.

And a hearty THANK YOU to No Grimace for coming down and making me a turn around area for when I finally do get to go trapping and forget about moving snow and ice.

Frosty the Bears Butt

Feb. 10, 2013

OK, so I posted this up yesterday and today Budwiser (one of my friends on Facebook posted this)…exactly what I had in mind.

Bears Butt

Feb. 11, 2013

 

 

By: Bears Butt

And the painting continues.

We are working on an accent wall and have not really done one before.  The simple thing to do would be to paint it a color, like light blue and be done.  Not.

We want something very special.  Something nobody else has.  We went to Masters carpets and saw some walls that Angel had painted.  They were perfect!  Several different walls painted in different colors and all were beautiful.  Of course Angel is a schooled interior decorator with painting skills next to a true artist.  She explained just how simple and easy it is and we were convinced.

We told her we would like to show off the blue that is in our furniture by have our accent wall some sort of blue shade.  She was quick to give us a lesson on doing just that.  The samples she showed us didn’t even look like blue to me.  She went on to say that in order to do the type of wall she had showed us in the show room, we would be working with a flat paint as the base and then a stain that would be 3 shades darker.  The stain is something she has come up with and not many others have caught on to the technique.  Next door at the paint store is where they mix the paints and stains for her.

So, I painted the base paint and it dried about the color of a robin egg.  Really nice.  On  the flat side, but the next step will make it shine like a glistening pond at twilight.

We went to the paint store and told them what Angel was setting us up with and they mixed the stain up for us.  The lady said that she and Angel had developed this idea through trial and error and even at that she had to mix ours twice in order to get it right.  She matched Angels sample perfectly.  Now to go home and give it heck!

With a quick call to Angel before I began, she gave me some pointers over the phone…I follow directions perfectly….aaaaahhhhhh…right.  And so with the smallish wall on the North side of the fireplace I began to slop on the stain.  It was a different sort of painting.  With mostly varnish in the can and some color showing through now and again I began to make arches and small circles.  Criss crossing through them and obliterating them over and over, spreading the glossy goo as evenly as I could up and down, side to side until I have the whole wall covered.  It looked sort of cool.

As it dried is darkened and I wasn’t the happiest of guys in the world.  I cussed under my breath.  Why could it not stay the same shade as it was when I put it on?  Oh well.  It’s on and on to stay.  Enough for this day, and out popped a cold beverage.

Sherry and I marveled at how it looked and even though a shade dark for my preference it wasn’t too bad.  We will do better on the rest of the walls.

This morning after breakfast and a quick trip to town, we were back at the wall.  I talked Sherry into giving it a go.  She did and soon her frustration level was over the top and she threw down the paint brush and said, “It’s all yours”!

There was nothing I could do to make hers look like mine from yesterday.  So out came the can of robin egg blue and over her stain I painted.  By then it was lunch time.  If I get started painting that stain I can’t stop…you have to just keep painting and get the job done…Angel made it a point to tell us that.  Paint fast too, she said, as you don’t want the stain to dry out before you cross over it with more stain.  Sure, how fast can you paint?

After lunch I convinced Sherry to give it another try.  How hard can it be?  I showed her how I had done the one wall yesterday and cautioned her about making it too dark.  Spread it around a lot, I told her.  Make arches and circles and then cross through them and blend them in and around.  Not too dark, just make the wall shine and keep moving.  She did all of that.  From the floor up to as high as she could reach.  I could do the wall up to the ceiling.

Soon she was done and handed the rest of the job over to me.  I finished it and we watched as the stain slowly dried that ever so annoying darker shade.  The problem soon became apparent, her painting technique and mine are very much different.  Angel forgot to mention that only one person should stain a wall.

And so, with my learning from yesterday, I did not put the stain on as thickly as did Sherry and so hers was much darker and more pronounce than mine.  So noticeably so that I pulled out the robin egg blue again and painted over her stain job.

Don’t get me wrong, I was ready to paint the base board white and call it done.  This section of wall will be covered by furniture down below and pictures above.  Nobody would notice anything about her staining job being darker than mine, unless they took the pictures down or moved the furniture away from the wall.  And who is going to do that?  No one.  She forced me to paint over her work.

And so, here I sit waiting for the paint to dry so that I can go up and attempt to match into where I stained earlier in the day.  I’m not sure I can do that and may end up painting the whole wall over with the robin egg paint.

Eventually, this job will get done and I have taken “Before” pictures of this wall.  I hope to be able to take “After” pictures and show you them on here, today.  Wish me luck, I’m headed out of this cold prison and up to where I can see the snow flying outside…..HEY GUARD!  SEND DOWN SOME HEAT!

————————————–

It’s now 6:23 p.m. and I think I’m done.

The wall as we began prepping:

After the first coat of robin egg blue:

And finally after re-painting parts of the robin egg blue twice…the finished product:

It looks pretty cool doesn’t it?

Bears Butt

All painters drink beer!

Feb. 8, 2013

By: Bears Butt

Today is National Fly a Kite day and with that I decided to go searching for how to make your own kite.  There are a ton of sites with kite making ideas on them and I think that next month, the windy month, I would like to sit down with the grandkids and make a kite with them.  The sites I found show easy to do kite making and some of them even use straws for the cross sticks.  It sounds fun.

Anyway, I was on a site that showed you how to make a double kite and one with a looped tail…pretty cool looking kite and in the instructions it said to use a “Prusik knot”…..A WHAT?

I had never heard of that kind of knot.  I guess I fall into the category that Hunter says, “If you can’t tie a knot, tie a lot”.  And so I went in search of what a Prusik knot was all about.

A very simple knot as I found out and one that I have used in the past, I just didn’t know it had a name.  Actually I thought I was very cleaver when I used it to tie on a second line to my main fishing line once.

Here is the knot in motion:

http://www.animatedknots.com/prusik/index.php

So, one never knows when they are going to learn something new…I did today, but don’t ask me tomorrow what the knots name is.  I’ll be able to show you how to tie it, but not it’s name.

Well, this new knowledge led me to investigate the source of this named knot.  And I found out that it is commonly (or was) used in mountain climbing to aid the climber to slip a foot into something to help them “stand” on the side of the mountain.  It was first featured in a magazine written for and by mountain climbers back in the 1930’s and a man named Dr. Karl Prusik was the first to use it.

They had the main climbing rope which was extending up the cliff above them and most often up and over the summit of whatever they are climbing.  These prusik knot rope loops would be placed up the main rope for the climber to hang onto with a hand and put a foot in the loop of a lower one.  Sort of a rope ladder.  It is also used in rescues to clamp another rope to and be able to slowly lower an injured person off the cliff etc.  Without this sort of knot the injured person could easily slide down the main rope like a bag of rocks.

The knots can be loosened and slid up or down the main climbing rope and will cinch down and hold when a load is placed on them.  According to Wikipedia, the elite US Army Ranger troops still use this knot to ascend a 90 foot rope and then can install prusik knot ropes and climb up that 90 feet in under a minute.

There you have it.

Bears Butt

Feb. 8, 2013