There are no images except in your own mind as to how this all goes.  A colonoscopy is very important for people at high risk of cancer or older people (older than 50 they say) who can develop cancer issues without even knowing it.  Cancer knows no boundaries and strikes all ages, all healths, everywhere!  I have a friend who’s father never saw his 56th birthday because of colon cancer.  Another well known Utah TV outdoors celebrity died of it as well.  Neither of these two men knew they had anything wrong with them and all because they never went and had the procedure done.

Well, this is number 2 for me and I thought I’d like to lighten things up for those of you who are “dreading the day”!  When you think about the whole deal it really isn’t that big of a thing.  If you want the doctor to find anything or better yet, NOT find anything wrong inside your body, you have to give him/her the best view possible.  And that requires you clean out your belly!  Of EVERYTHING!!!!

I have read the prep instruction a couple of times during the last week and still missed one important part….no solid foods the day before the procedure.  Well, this morning after hunting turkeys in the wee hours of the morning, I made myself a nice big breakfast!  Spuds, eggs and sausage patty.  It sure was good.  And then just before beginning the cleansing process, I sat down with Winemaker and started to eat a good old meat loaf sandwich and have some chips.  As I was munching away I pulled out the instructions and started to read them again…..”You must begin your liquid diet the day before your procedure, beginning with breakfast”!  HMMMM.  Guess I blew that one big time!

Well, will this cleansing still work?  I’m counting on it and following through even though I messed up.  Should the Dr. get in there tomorrow and can’t see anything because of “debris” in the way of the lens, or having to wipe it off a lot.  Well, he will say, Hey fella!  Go do that all again and come back in two days!  Doctors don’t like their time wasted you know!  They have patients, not patience!  But it’s OK for you to sit in the waiting room for an hour…just sayin.  That is another subject and I’ll now get back on track….is this on track at all?

OK.  The instructions said to mix a 8.3 oz bottle of Miralax with 64 oz. of water, soda pop or other clear type liquid and prepare to spend the next 2 hours and 40 minutes consuming it.  That is 5.3 beers worth of liquid.  So, why does the picture above show two big bottles of soda and two Miralax bottles?  You have to do this twice with at least a 4 hour wait between them.

Well, I have just had my 4th 8 oz glass of that yummy mixture and have nothing better to do than sit here and type this.  I can already feel the need to be somewhere else very soon coming on.  Wapiti Dung told me earlier today that when I begin this process to make sure the neighbors yard gets plenty of fertilizer on it.  I don’t think I’ll do that and I sure hope everything down at the city treatment plant is working properly.

I told Winemaker earlier that perhaps I should have considered the drought situation before scheduling this procedure.  She just grinned.  But, I’m going to keep track of the number of gallons of “flush water” this is going to take.  I have placed a pad of paper and a pencil near my next sitting spot and will make a hash mark for each time I flush!  Gotta go!

You would think by now a better way would have been figured out.

Glass 5 is having a tough time finding room down there.  Someone must have messed up with the instructions saying to drink 8 oz every 20 minutes.  Maybe this is what happens when you eat solid food before starting this.  So, if you have never done this and are embarking on it…please follow the instructions closely.  You do not want to feel like I do right now.  Maybe I should go lie down.  NO!  I’m trying to educate you on this.

I tried to find out on line when colonoscopy procedures first came to be and could not find anything on the history.  But I do know that my dad had it done and he has been gone for over 30 years.  Ya, they had indoor plumbing back then just like they do today only the flushes consumed a whole lot more water then than they do now.  Did you know the last name of the inventor of the toilet with a flushing system was “Crapper”?  I just thought I’d throw that out there for your education.  Before that it was a wooden out building with a seat that had a hole cut in it and a partial moon cut out of the upper portion of the door.  I digress.

Just so you know, I’ll explain my body right now.  My belly is bloated up like a mule deer buck that has been dead since being shot first thing this morning and you just found it.  I’m still good though because flipping it with my thumb only sounds like a ripe watermelon and not a drum.  I’m just afraid that the next time I write “Gotta Go”, I might be awhile!  Being awhile should save on total gallons of water don’t you think?

Let’s talk about this Miralax stuff.  I remember my dad telling me about having to go to the bathroom alot and he would always mention “dose of salts”.  I have no real idea what “salts” he was talking about unless it was Epsom Salts.  This Miralax contains Polyethylene Glycol.  (Heard the buzzer and went for glass number 6 and then it hit!  WHEW!  Back to more normal, no more watermelon).

This according to Wikipedia: Polyethylene glycol (PEG) is a polyether compound with many applications from industrial manufacturing to medicine.

Using it for industrial applications as well as medicine….powerful stuff right there!  Nothing like dad’s old “salts”!

Again the buzzer reminds me to go get another tasty glass of polyether!  There was PLENTY of room for that one!  I just did some math and 64 divided by 8 = 8…..I have already had 7 glasses of what I thought was 8 oz of polyether and its only been one hour and 40 minutes.  I still have an hour to go according to the instructions but by my rate, I only have about 2 more glasses of good old poly in the mixed container!  I’ll cut back on the next go round!  I guess I got too excited to see things get going.

More on Polyethylene glycol:

Commercial uses[edit]

• PEG is the basis of many skin creams (as cetomacrogol) and personal lubricants (frequently combined with glycerin).
• PEG is used in a number of toothpastes as a dispersant. In this application, it binds water and helps keep xanthan gum uniformly distributed throughout the toothpaste.
• PEG is also under investigation for use in body armor, and in tattoos to monitor diabetes.^[28][29]
• In low-molecular-weight formulations (i.e. PEG 400), it is used in Hewlett-Packard designjet printers as an ink solvent and lubricant for the print heads.
• PEG is also one of the main ingredients in paintball fills, because of its thickness and flexibility. However, as early as 2006, some Paintball manufacturers began substituting cheaper oil-based alternatives for PEG.^{[citation needed]}
• PEG is also used as an anti-foaming agent in food^[30] – its INS number is 1521^[31] or E1521 in the EU.^[32]

Industrial uses[edit]

• Nitrate ester-plasticized polyethylene glycol is used in Trident II ballistic missile solid rocket fuel.^[33]
• Dimethyl ethers of PEG are the key ingredient of Selexol, a solvent used by coal-burning, integrated gasification combined cycle (IGCC) power plants to remove carbon dioxide and hydrogen sulfide from the gas waste stream.
• PEG has been used as the gate insulator in an electric double-layer transistor to induce superconductivity in an insulator.^[34]
• PEG is also used as a polymer host for solid polymer electrolytes. Although not yet in commercial production, many groups around the globe are engaged in research on solid polymer electrolytes involving PEG, with the aim of improving their properties, and in permitting their use in batteries, electro-chromic display systems, and other products in the future.
• PEG is injected into industrial processes to reduce foaming in separation equipment.
• PEG is used as a binder in the preparation of technical ceramics.

So, I have been drinking this poly stuff and have consumed 7 glasses of it and am just now finding out it is used not only for what I’m taking it for, but also is used in the filling in paint balls AND in solid rocket fuel!  The last one says it is used as a “binder”…..Trust me when I tell you this stuff is NOT a binder….At least not a “hinder binder”….Gotta Go!

Ya baby!  Not much left in the track and still at least one more glass of poly left for this first go round.  Maybe I’ll stretch it to two more smaller glasses!  The taste of this stuff reminds me of Dr. Harimoto from my college days, talking about the law of diminishing returns.  There would have to be another theory about this stuff and what it does however.  Because I know I have not consumed all 64 ounces yet (in one end), but there has been a WHOLE LOT MORE than 64 ounces going the other way!

Well folks, only one more glass to go and the first wave is done!  How do I feel?  Well, still bloated, not watermelon bloated, but bloated.  The 4 hour break from drinking that junk will be more than a reward and I think I will even indulge in a beer.  It’s a clear liquid with no pulp and it contains nutrients.  One of my college professors called beer “The all food drink”!  I believe him!

Bears Butt

May 11, 2015

UPDATE:

WOW!  What a night!  Little to no sleep, but it’s over and now to go see the doc.  What about gallons used?   First off you need to know I have one of those economically green water use toilets…1.28 gpf, I used 35.84 gallons!  And a full roll of toilet paper.  But, it wasn’t as bad as I remember from 11 years ago.  I think since we have switched to toilet paper instead of those costly Sears catalogues, things are much better.  Charmin, Extra Soft in the super roll!

After the doc gets through with me, I can eat and I’m starving!

I’ll post an Update to the Update later to let you know the doc’s findings!  HELLO!!!  Is my head up there?

Butt (literally)

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE:

Back from the doctor.  It’s time to re-fill this body with solids!  The doc says he doesn’t want to see me for 10 more years!!!  YEAAA!  No polyps, no nothing!  I must be a boring scope for him, nothing to talk about.

The nurses and all the staff were great at the facility.  Pretty women everywhere, all caring and nurturing.  I had to lay down after they put the IV in my arm, I almost passed out.  Wimpy me.  Anyway I got a free ride down to the room where the puffer machine resides and when the anesthesiologist came to put me out, she said it wouldn’t take long for it to work.  I asked her if she wasn’t going to ask me some sort of questions and then tell me how many I got right when I woke up.  She said I had already answered them and POOF!  Next thing I knew was the recovery room.

So, don’t be afraid to go and get your screening.  Sure you lose a nights sleep, but then you can relax for 10 years knowing you don’t have any bad issues building up inside your body.

I think it’s time for a nap.

Bears Butt