Many, many years ago this could have quite possibly been a reality holiday, but today it would be really hard to pull it off.

National Marooned Without A Compass Day.  Do they even make compass’ any more?  I have a small one that I was given a couple of years ago by my friend Gatlin, and he said as long as I have it close by I can still find my behind (of course that wasn’t exactly how he said it).

With all of today’s technology GPS units, phones with GPS, cell phones in general and towers on top of nearly every mountain.  How on earth would anyone be able to get far enough away from some land mark to even remotely get lost?

Oh, I just re-read the holiday…not lost…Marooned.

And so I went in search of the definition of “Marooned” and boy did I get an eye full.  Most definitions said to be stranded, abandoned or however you get there, alone on an island.  But there was another place that said you were considered Marooned if you took in too much of a good thing, either drink or smoke, and you were so “marooned” you could do nothing but sit there in your own little world until some of it wore off.

So, let’s get back to the holiday at hand.  National Marooned Without a Compass.  By most definitions you really wouldn’t have any problem, afterall how big is this island you are stuck on?  Does it really matter to you if you go North or South, East or West?  Pretty soon you are going to hit the beach and then you will have to go left or right or just sit down and dig it in your own little world.  The bottom line is you are stuck there and a compass would be of no value what so ever.

If you suddenly find yourself  “marooned” by the other definition, the use of a compass would again be of no value because you probably could not even focus on the compass, let alone tell which direction the little pointer was pointing and for sure you would not be able to get up and walk in any direction.

Well, besides being our day to vote for elected officials, let’s go one step farther with it and Maroon the Moron we know deserves to be Marooned!

Bears Butt

November 6, 2012