This happened many, many years ago while on a muzzleload deer hunt here in Utah.  There were several of us in the camp, not nearly the size of camp we have today, but we did have two trailers in which the hunters were to sleep.

My trailer had myself, Edjukateer and Fat Duck assigned to sleep in it.  The trailer is not a very large one, 18 ft long.  It has a bathroom,  fridge,  stove and heater.  It can sleep six people but two of them would have to weigh less than 150 pounds each.  We try to make everyone as comfortable as we can and so three would be sleeping in my trailer this year.

I need to mention that my trailer also has a holding tank for fresh water and a hot water heater.  When it’s all hooked up it is a home away from home.  It even has a shower if you want to take one.

This hunt was typical of most muzz hunts, in that we tend to drink a few beers during the day and those who partake of harder liquids do that later in the evening.  Usually just before we retire for the night.  Of course slugging down a few brews during the day, tends to make one thirsty during the night.  So when a guy has the urge to go to the bathroom, he usually fills a glass with water and drinks it down before going back to bed.

While preparing for this hunt, I decided that we would not “undo” the winterization in my trailer and so that meant there would not be any hot water, nor shower capabilites, nor running water of any sort.  We would be pouring our water needs out of 5 gallon containers and that would have to suffice.  Everyone was in agreement and so that is the way we were living during this hunt.

A side note on how people were living in these days.  At the time I wore glasses in order to see distance.  Not an uncommon thing to wear.  And at the time, there was a great push for people to get a little vain and be fitted with contact lenses.  Edjukateer had undertook the “non glasses” look and had himself some contact lenses.  Now, he looked a lot cooler without glasses than if he was wearing them, and so,  he was looking real cool on this hunt.  The rest of us glasses wearers weren’t as cool looking.

There are drawbacks to wearing glasses and there are drawbacks to wearing contact lenses.  Glasses drawbacks….you just don’t look cool.  And you have to clean them once in awhile and try not to scratch the lenses.  Contact drawbacks…if you look too cool, nobody will hang out with you.  You have to put drops in your eyes when you put them in or they will hang up on your eyeball and hurt.  If dirt gets between the eye and the lens it hurts like heck causing tearing, pain and misery.  You have to take them out before you can go to sleep.

Back to the hunt.

As the night progressed after day 2, Fat Duck had consumed his share of bubbly brews, as did the rest of us.  He had a powerful dry, to say the least when he got up for his middle of the night relief of his bladder.  He had determined it was way too cold to go outside to do his duty and so, he chose to use the bathroom.  Which was perfectly ok to do, that is what it is for.  Once done, he crawled back into his warm sleeping bag and went back to sleep.

It wasn’t long before the alarm clock went off, announcing the beginning of day 3 of the hunt.  I bailed off the top bunk and lit the stove to get the coffee going.  Grabbed myself a glass of V8 juice and sat on the bed at the foot of Edjukateers feet.  Slowly Edjukateer and Fat Duck began to stir and smell the coffee and they knew it was time to get their butts out of bed.

Edjukateer got up and worked his way into the bathroom and proceeded to wake himself up.  Soon, he poked his head out of the door way and asked if anyone had moved his contacts.  None of us had.  He looked everywhere.  But no contacts were to be seen.  I asked him where he had put them and he said in a dixie cup in the bathroom, right behind the sink on and off handles.

Duck asked, “Did the cup have some water in it?”  Yes it did was the reply!  “Oh Crap!  I got lazy and instead of pouring myself a cup of water in another cup, I saw there was nearly a full cup of water already in the cup on the counter and I drank it!”

And so, it is a good thing that Fat Duck already had a good mountain man name because he could have gotten one that might not have been sayable in public.

Edjukateer had a backup pair of contacts and so the hunt was still on for him, but the Fat Duck was looking forward and backward at the same time for several days.

Bears Butt

Nov. 2011