By: Bears Butt

SIR BUTT;  THE ALL KNOWING DRAGON SLAYER FROM COMMON GROUND

Where are you from Sir Butt?

My land is called “Common Ground”.

How did it get it’s name?

Let me explain.  In a land such as mine that has no boundaries and no-one owns any of it, and it is shared by everyone at the same time, it comes from your mine.  Let me explain further:  We all know that in order to have a mine, you need ground.  No one has ever had a mine that wasn’t.  My mine, your mine, his or her mine.  And the word itself, “mine”, is the common element in all of what I have just said.  It is the “common ground”, it is only bound by what you can extract from your mine and it’s beauty is all what you make of it.  Mine is no different, it’s just that I have put parameters in mine.

Also, we all know that “ground” is where we can grow trees, bushes and build homes and other such stuff.  It is also where water flows and breezes blow and above the ground is the sky and clouds.

And so, Common Ground is a very beautiful place most of the time.  But it can also be a place where evil lurks and it’s my duty to challenge the evils and make them go away.

What about towns in Common Ground?

You all know that I live in a small castle called “Buttingham Palace”, it’s a very small place that I call home.  It’s not really in any town, but more of a “point”.  In Common Ground, most folks talk about “points” and when they travel, they are usually going from “Point A”  to “Point B”.  It keeps things a lot simpler.

Lately, folks in Common Ground have gotten away from talking about Points and have gone to another sort of language and hand sign to tell where they are about to go.  I think it’s a form of laziness, or perhaps it’s a generational thing.  Anyway, they will simply say, I’m going to go from ‘Here’ to “There”, and with a point of the index finger, one will surely know where they are headed.  It’s quite simple and all knowing.  That is one reason I find myself saying and doing the same thing on occasion.

How does it work exactly?

Well, let’s say I want to only go a short distance to my next place.  I would point my index finger toward the horizon, only below the horizon and say, I’m going from here to there.  You should know by that my travel will be short and you should know exactly where I will be in a little while, once I leave here.

Should my travel be farther than that place, my index will point higher into the horizon and I might even make a arcing in my pose to let you know that I will be going beyond the closer place, and onto the next.  Get what I mean?

 

Ok, so that I have it all correctly.  What if you are going to travel, say all the way to the other side of Common Ground.   What would that look like?

You are an intelligent one, very good question.  Simple answer…in a case like that, where my travels will take me beyond many points B, I would either use my arm in a giant arc and my index finger pointing from the horizon on my right (or left), to the opposite horizon on my left (or right).  Or I could raise my trusty Cache and do the same sweeping motion all the while saying, I shall be leaving here and going to there.

A bit off the subject, but still it should shed more light on this simple learning and to keep track of my whereabouts at all times.  I have a dear friend and colleague, he does not come out of the home in which he lives and to visit him for a short period of time is long enough for me at any time.  A very smart man indeed.  His name is Sir Frederick Issac Gunther Newton and he once told me whilst we were enjoying some cold refreshments in his home.  He said, you know old man Butt, I’ve come up with something I think is relevant to you and your travels.  How is that Fig, I call him Fig, because of his first three names, Frederick Issac Gunther, FIG, get it?  Anyway, How is that Fig?  Well, Sir Butt, you always point in the direction of your next destination as if it was just a short hop, skip, jump away and you always point exactly at the place in which you will end up.  And when you ride off you go in that very direction, straight as an arrow.  So, my theory is that since you are one of the laziest people I know of.  Living a life off your past blunders and lucky encounters.  That the shortest distance is your way of travel.  Therefore, I have written that the “shortest distance between two points, A and B, is a straight line”!

So be it Sir FIG Newton!  I’m gone.  I’m not a man to be belittled in company such as yours.

And that was the last time I spoke to him.  And I understand that line he gave me about the shortest distance is being taught in schools and such.

(1)

What about dragons Sir Butt?  Can you explain to us about them?

Absolutely I can explain.  You see, I went to dragon school when I was but a wee lad and I’ve been studying them ever since!  Most folks don’t know it, but there are several types of dragons and some of them are even friendly!  Dragons come in many sizes and most of them have similar shapes.  They are generally long like lizards, with front legs longer than the back legs.  You might ask about why the front legs are longer, it’s because they like to surprise their prey and the longer front legs allow them to stand tall and reach over obstacles and grab their prey.  Most of the dragons in Common Ground are on what I call the “In Danger List”, because they are evil and eventually I will happen upon them and reduce them to fly food.

What is the largest dragon in Common Ground?

By far the largest dragon is the” Three Headed, Fire breathing dragon”.  Luckily for everyone, including myself,  living in Common Ground there aren’t very many of these types of dragons.  They stand on their four legs and feet most of the time, but when they are in danger from me or another three headed dragon, they will fight by standing almost upright on their back legs.  When I’m on my trusty steed, “Something”,  the top of their heads is just a wee bit higher than I am.  In order for me to strike a deadly stroke, I have to pierce them from under their jaw!

What is the smallest dragon?

It’s called a “Minute dragon”.  They are only a minute in size and they are really a pest.  Usually minute dragons attack in small herds and they have a sting similar to a mosquito bite.  They are quick to bite and retreat beyond reach.  To my knowledge no-one has ever been taken down by a herd of Minute dragons, but many have had to leave the battle field and take refuge while their wounds healed.

(2)

How do you know where to find a dragon?

Dragons can be just about anywhere when I’m travelling, so I have to keep a watchful eye out at all times.  Remember, I said they tend to want to surprise their prey and so when I approach a tall stand of trees, bushes, rocks and such, I’m always prepared to go to battle in an instant.  I usually draw my sword “Cash” from its sheath, I call “My Account” and have it in hand as I approach.  At times, another traveler will tell me where they saw a dragon and what type it was.  If their story leads me to believe other travelers could be in danger, I will speed, henceforth to the place and slay the dragon.

(3)

What do dragons eat Sir Butt?

Each type of dragon eats different stuff, for different reasons.  That is why Common Ground is so unique.  There exists the type of dragon food all around in Common Ground no matter where you go.  Most of these dragons get along with one another, except the Three Headed ones.  They are the biggest and the meanest in all the land and so all of the others are deathly afraid of them.

Minute dragons mostly eat flying bugs that fly close to the ground.  They utilize the food source to supply them with the things they need to survive and produce stinging poisons.  On the other hand the Three Headed dragons eat great quantities of meat!  Any meat they can find and surprise, be it a deer, another dragon or a person such as me.  While the Minute dragon catches his prey by snapping it up in his mouth, the Three Headed dragon has to cook his food to blackened charcoal before eating it.  That is why the Three Headed dragons also breath fire.  It’s quite an interesting story to say the least.  I’ll tell that one a bit later.

Other dragons only eat certain bushes and others still only survive on water!  The Water dragons are the best for taming and using to help out around Common Ground.  Another good thing about Water dragons is that Three Headed dragons don’t like to bother with them, as when they breath the fire on them, the Water dragon just goes up in a cloud of steam and there is nothing for the Three Headed dragon to eat.

(4)

Are there other dragon slayers in Common Ground?

Yes there are a few, but we tend to fight our dragons alone.  On occasion I will run into my best buddy, “Sir Clanks A lot”.

What is he like Sir Butt?

He stands a bit taller than I, and wears a full suit of  “Arm Ore”, of course the ore came from his own mine.  He has a helmet, body vest, leg covers and arm covers, all made from the same Arm Ore.  He complains about the weight of the Arm Ore a lot and he has to make frequent stops to partake of beverages.

How did he get the name of “Sir Clanks A lot”?

Well like I said he has a full suit of Arm Ore which is very heavy.  And I said he has to stop and drink lots of liquids to resupply his body with fluids.  Most of the stops he makes are at places where fair maidens have squeezed grapes and made some fine cooled drinks.  These drinks makes him all happy and when he gets up to leave he will fall down and make a loud clanking sound.  He does this a lot!  And when it was heard through out the land, he was named “Sir Clanks A lot”!

(5)

Sir Butt, tell us more about the Three Headed Dragon!

I guess it won’t be too much over your heads.  I’ll try and keep my explanation to your level.  Remember I’ve been very well schooled on dragons, and I’ve learned a whole lot more while battling with them.

Three Headed dragons have three heads, duh, and three very short necks which are attached to a longer common neck which leads to the stomach.  Each of the three heads has a pair of eyes, a large nostrelled nose, a mouth full of dull rounded black teeth and a pair of ears.  The heads look too big for the rest of the body, but there are reasons for this.

They can only breath fire out of one mouth at a time, and there are a few seconds between one head breathing fire and the next being able to breath fire.  It’s a recycle thing that has to happen in the body that causes the delay.

The body of the Three Headed dragon only has one lung, it’s located near the middle of the body and it is the largest single body part inside the beast.  They have one stomach and they don’t go to the bathroom.  This is part of the reason I think they are so mean.

When a Three Headed dragon surprises its prey, it breaths fire upon the prey turning the body of the prey into a chunk of charcoal.  Then one of the mouths will pick up the chard remains and swallows it.  There is a great deal that happens inside the stomach of the Three Headed dragon which turns the chard remains into more fuel for the fire breathing part of the dragon and the rest of the stuff helps to keep the dragon alive and kicking.

Wow Sir Butt, you  sure do know a lot about the Three Headed dragon.

Quite honestly, yes I do.

(6)

Sir Butt, would you please tell us a story about one of the Three Headed dragons you have slain?

I guess it’s not too soon or too late to tell you a story about one of them.

There was a time many, many moons ago, I was riding Something down the trail between Point A and Point B when another traveler was coming along in the opposite direction  We stopped and chatted a bit about the weather and how the travelling was going.  His horse looked a bit upset and so I asked him about that.  He said that about half way back to Point A, his Point A, not mine, his horse became very nervous about something he could not explain.  He saw nothing, heard nothing, but he did smell some foul odor and chose to move along at a fast pace.  A HA, I said, it was a Three Headed dragon that hadn’t quite gotten into position to fry you and your horse.  You are one lucky man on one lucky horse and from now on where ever Knights shall meet you shall be known as “Lucky Man”  and your horse shall be known as “Lucky Horse”.  Carry on Lucky Man and Lucky Horse, I have work to do.  And I rode off in the direction of Lucky Man’s Point A, my Point B.

Soon I was approaching a large stand of rocks along side the trail.  I caught the rank smell of charcoal in the breeze coming into my face from up wind.  A Three Headed dragon was certainly lurking behind those rocks.  I drew Cash from my Account and readied for battle.  In the blink of an eye the Three Headed dragon lurched over the rocks and stuck out one head ready to breath fire and death upon me and Something.  A lightning quick up thrust into it’s throat and the head went crashing  down against the rocks.  The other two heads were quite surprised by this, as the one I had slain was the best of the three of them.  I spun on Something and came face to nostril with the middle head and swung Cash in his face.  The shinning from the sun blinded him and I backhanded the third head with the butt of Cash knocking it out.  With the quickness of a prowess, Cash lead a lethal blow to the middle head and then cut the knocked out head right off it’s short neck.  The battle was short and quick.

I dismounted Something and put Cash back in My Account.  Proud to be of service to those travelling between Points A and B.

Wow!!!!

Wow is right!  And that makes me think I should be going now.  There may be other dragons out there keeping folks from getting to their Points B.

(7)

Sir Butt, you are an amazing person.  Since you have such vast knowledge about Three Headed dragons, can you explain how they breath fire?

My studies have lead me to the depths of the dragons entrails where it all begins.  You see, the charcoal is swallowed and moves to the stomach.  Inside a fire breathing dragon’s gullet are opposing forces.   Those opposing forces are in the form of liquids, on one side is “acid”, the rankest of acids I might add.  It is so strong and powerful, if you got some on your skin it would melt you to the bone, and then the bone would melt as well.  This acid is very wicked indeed.  At the other end of the spectrum is what is called “base”.  Base liquids also are very powerful and strong and act much like acid in that it too can burn your skin and choke your life giving oxygen from out of your lungs.

When these opposing forces come in contact with charcoal, they disintegrate the charcoal into its basic forms, char and coal.  But not in solid form, rather in gaseous forms.  We all know that char in its solid form, can be used to start fires, by striking flint against steel and catching a spark on the char.  So it works inside of the dragons gullet, only in gaseous form.  We also know that coal, is a good source of a hot fire to keep us warm on cold winter nights.  It too lends itself valuable to the dragons fire breathing abilities.  In a gaseous state, the coal will ignite easily, and since it is in a gas form, it can be breathed to several yards from the dragons mouth.

Now you might ask, how does the dragon make a spark to ignite these gases?  The spark that ignites the char gasses is made when the dragon opens his mouth.  His lower teeth are connected to the negative ions which are induced through the dragons nervous system  down to the Base fluids.  His upper teeth are charged positively and the nervous system is connected to the Acid fluids.  When the dragon pops open his mouth the two charges arc from lower to upper teeth and the char gasses are ignited.  Then when the dragon breaths out hard from his large lung, the coal gasses pass among the char gasses and when this mixture hits the oxygen outside of the dragons mouth, they burst into flames that are so intensely hot, it reduces whatever it hits into charcoal within a second or two.

You are an amazing source of knowledge Sir Butt.

Right you are!

(8)

OK.  Earlier you said that the dragon can only breath fire out of one mouth at a time.  Can you explain that to me?

Three heads on one body is the simple answer, but I’ll explain as best as I can.  He only has one large lung remember.  And only one nervous system, right?  So, the mouth that opens up first is given priority to breath the fire.  It can only breath fire for a short period of time, because the lung runs out of air and the dragon has to take another breath.  Meanwhile, the central nervous system is restocking on Char gases and Coal gases, so there is a slight delay before another head can pop open its mouth and breath fire.

When fighting a fire breathing dragon one must keep a watchful eye on not only the heads, but also the chest of the beast.  When the chest heaves outward, watch out!  One of the heads is about to breath death and destruction your way.  As you fight the beast it’s always best to cut off a head or two so that you only have to contend with one.  It’s also a good idea to try and get in close to the beast and thrust your long sword into its lung.  By doing this he can’t take a very deep breath and therefore makes it nearly impossible for him to breathe fire.

(9)

Sir Butt, I have heard that there are flying dragons, but you have not spoken of them.  What can you tell me about flying dragons?

OH My!  I suppose there could have been flying dragons at one time or another, but there has not been any evidence of remains found, nor scratching on rock cliffs to lead us to actually believe they ever existed.  In my schooling there was no mention of them.  So I must conclude that their existence was just someone’s giant imagination going array. I can picture myself telling some young children a story about flying dragons, just to scare the peejeesus out of them to get them to go away and quit bothering me.  That is probably exactly how the flying dragon thing got started.  Did I mention I must be getting along and that there might be a traveler in trouble with a dragon?

(10)

Before you venture off Sir Butt, just one more question.

And what might that be?

Ah…Does a sword have to be made of a special metal in order to handle the killing of a dragon?  I mean, a dragon has such a hard outer surface covering its skin and all.

You are quite an intelligent man my friend.  Why yes the sword must be made of the hardest of metals.  Sir Clanks A lot’s arm ore is way too soft for the blade of a sword of this caliber.  He too would admit that his mine could not produce the quality of metal for use as a sword made to slay dragons.  Metal for a dragon slaying sword can only come from the bowels of a mine found only in Metalurgy.  It is very hard to extract and takes nearly the same type of metal to extract it as is being extracted.  You see the people of Metalurgy are very keen about how they extract the precious material used to make dragon slaying swords that their entire village is surrounded by a large, unpenetratable wall of the same material.  Not only are they not bothered by troublesome dragons, they are isolated from the rest of Common Ground and only those with special permission are allowed within these walls.

(11)

Have you been allowed inside these walls you talk about?

My dear friend, that is another question that you are asking!  You said you only have one and you used it.  I must go.

But Sir Butt, please tell me, have you been allowed inside the walls of Metalurgy?

Oh course I have!  Being only the very best dragon slayer in all of Common Ground, who else would have ever been invited inside the walls of Metalurgy?  Do you think Sir Clanks A Lot would have ever been invited in there?

Maybe.

Now, you have gone and made me angry!  Sir Clanks A Lot owns his own mine and there is never going to be one mine owner EVER invite another mine owner into see his mining operations!  Have you not heard of MINING YOUR OWN BUSINESS?  My Gohd man!

Pardon me Sir Butt, please forgive my ignorance.  You are the greatest of the greatest, please forgive me.

Very well then, but please don’t insult me again!   The last one that ever did that was Fig and I have not seen him since…the ignorant man.  OOOOO!

I was invited into Metalurgy when I was a beginning student on dragons and the slaying there of.  The smartest of the smartest could see that I was the chosen one who would wash the other students out and that I would become who I have become.  I must say he was certainly the smartest of the smartest.

Yes indeed, the owners of the mine treated me like a famous person, even though I wasn’t famous at the time.  And when the long visit was over they presented me with my fine sword called Cash!  They showed me how sharp it is and how well balanced it is.  They showed me several other uses for it as well and I still use it in every way they showed me.  It never needs to be sharpened even after years and years of slaying dragons it is still as sharp as the day I was presented it.  As a final tribute to my visit inside the walls of Metalurgy, they presented me the sheath that houses Cash and they called it an Account.  I believe account means a covering of one’s assets.  A naked asset such as Cash needed an Account to cover it.  That was the proudest day of my life, only seconded by the first dragon I put to rest using this fine instrument.

Well Sir Butt, I have asked all the questions I had and then some.  I thank you dearly for your time and wish you well on your journey.  Thank you very much for such insightful information.  I’m certain everyone has learned something from all of this.

You are welcome.  And  now I must go to the top of the mountain and view the valleys below for dangers and such.  Ta Dah!

(End of Interview)

Bears Butt

June 19, 2011