By: Bears Butt

We are rapidly approaching the time to apply for the Utah Big Game tags for 2014…don’t let Utah’s drawing system get to the point of Wyomings…or should we?

Written on November 18th, 2013 , Jokes I like!
By: Bears Butt

WithOlySignMuskrat told this joke yesterday and I thought it was very funny…

Where did “You have got to be shitting me” come from?

George Washington and his 40 men were crossing the almost frozen river while trying to find the British soldiers.  In the lead boat was George and his boat full of men rowing against the current.  Suddenly very close to the shore they hit a large rock.  George ordered Corporal Peters out to tend to the boat and pull it the rest of the way onto shore.

Once safe, he again ordered Corporal Peters to tend to the rest of the boats and make sure they too made it safely to shore.  Corporal Peters did as he was ordered and as the last of the boats full of men came toward him, Corporal Peters fell into the icy water.

In spite of all the effort the other men went to trying to find Corporal Peters in that icy water, Corporal Peters drowned.

With all his men soaking wet and the weather freezing George wasn’t sure what he was going to do to help his men survive.  Suddenly down the shore of the river he saw a faint glow of a lantern.  He quickly went down that way and found a brothel (house of ill repute mind you).  Knocking on the door the madam greeted him and he asked if she would mind if his men could spend the night and get their clothes dry.  She was very delighted and asked George how many men he had with him…..

His reply was “Well maam, 39, without Peters…”  Her reply “You have got to be shitting me”!!!!!

 

Written on September 20th, 2013 , Jokes I like!
By: Bears Butt

With the hunting season upon us I’m sure there have been a lot of substitute teachers called to work for the regular teachers who have “called in sick”!

Written on September 12th, 2013 , Jokes I like!
By: Bears Butt

Subject: Sex And Good Grammar 🙂

On his 74th  birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was  rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.  After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned  “This is  a powerful medicine.  You take only  a teaspoonful, and then say ‘1-2-3.”    When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and  you can perform as long as you want.”

The man was  encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop   the medicine from working?”   “Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,'” he responded, “but when she does, the medicine  will not work again until the next full moon.”

He was very  eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a     spoonful of the medicine, and then invited  his wife to join him in the bedroom.   When she came  in, he took off his clothes and  said,  “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of   men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked,             “What was the 1-2-3 for?”  And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

Written on August 21st, 2013 , Jokes I like!
By: Bears Butt

Written on August 20th, 2013 , Jokes I like!
By: Bears Butt

A woman of not so old went to a funeral home to start her final resting place paper work.  She wanted to pay for it before she passed and wanted everything in place for when that day came so that everything would be perfect and she would end up exactly where she wanted to be.

The mortician said, you must have a burial plot somewhere near here right?  She said no!  I want to be cremated.

Really, said the mortician, well then we will have to have you purchase a vault to put your ashes in.  No she said!  I want my ashes scattered throughout Smith and Edwards Surplus Store in Farr West Utah.

Smith and Edwards!  Responded the mortician!

Yes!  Smith and Edwards she said, that way I am certain my husband will come and visit me once a week!

Bears Butt

August 13, 2013

Written on August 13th, 2013 , Jokes I like!
By: Bears Butt

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator.

Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”

The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?

“There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How ’bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Written on June 24th, 2013 , Jokes I like!
By: Bears Butt

Fat Duck sent this to me through an email and I just have to share it with you on here.  The picture shows a pretty girl sitting in a chair reading an advertisement or something and her “obvious” boyfriend is leaning over her, arms wrapped around her neck and is reading what ever it is that has their attention.  Very cute!

Strange Picture

But wait!  Look again!  Isn’t it he that is sitting in the chair and she leaning on him?

Bears Butt

May 26, 2013

Written on May 26th, 2013 , Jokes I like!
By: Bears Butt

This is too funny to let slide by and so I have to share it with you.

Background:  Bones and Tracker were in Hawaii when the gang all went over to Wendover for the annual fun weekend out there.  So, with them not going to be there, Sherry and I decided we would stay home and keep on working on the painting and trapping stuff.  It all worked out well for all of us.

Now, Bones wants to go over and have a fun couple of days and we said we would like to go with them if they didn’t mind.  Of course more is better right?  So, now it’s time to figure out when would be the best time to go over.  We all have lots going on what with the farm work, personal lives, on going house chores and the upcoming Youth Turkey hunt etc.  Tracker has his work as well and needs at least a weeks lead time to let his boss know he will be gone a couple of days.  And so it all goes.

Well, the thing I need to share with you is the email I got this morning and my reply.  I don’t know where this will all go, but I will keep you posted on the emails as they come in.  Bones and Tracker don’t go on Bears Butt Dot Com, nor do they look at Facebook, so when they find out about me doing this, I will probably not be able to post anything more on Bears Butt Dot Com…broken fingers, arms and such….So here is the email I got this morning:

———————-

Written by Bones:

Clyde and I can go to Wendover this month or the first two weeks of next month with the exception for the last Sunday and Monday of this month.  He just needs a week to let his boss know and get things in order.
When do you think you would like to go?  We want to go on a Sunday and come back on Monday, rooms are cheaper and our lucky day is Sunday. Just checked the calendar and the second weekend is Mothers Day and I know we can’t go then.  Or maybe we just wait and go after CVR sometime in June.  But then you guys were planning on going somewhere in June.  Let us know when you can go, maybe May 5th!?
The lottery run is April 14 and I think that is when White Trapper’s grandson get blessed and you were going to that.  So we will have to think about when we will go for lottery!!!
Holy cow, there is so much going on!!!
————————————
Funny huh?  Confusing too I might add.
This is my reply:
Sherry and I can go to Wendover this month, but not the last weekend of the month or the first weekend of next month.  She has to work on Mondays, so Sundays are out for us, but any other day except the ones where I have to go on the Youth Turkey Hunts, which includes Thursday before the first weekend of the Youth Turkey Hunt because I am in charge of setting up the camp.  So it looks like pretty much any time you want to go.
—————————————-
I’m sure she is scratching her head as much as I was after reading her email to me.  Like I said, I don’t know where this will all go, but I’ll try and keep you posted as the emails come in.
Bears Butt
April 4, 2013
Written on April 4th, 2013 , Jokes I like!
By: Bears Butt

Well it has snowed all day and I finally just had to get the toy out of the trailer and put on the plow…good think I did too, we had almost 10 inches of that fluffy white stuff on the ground…have I told you how much I do NOT like snow right now?

Anyway one of my Facebook friends posted a picture that I thought might just cheer some of you up….

hillbillydreamcatcher

I would customize mine with Oly cans rather than Bud cans.  This is a pretty clever idea.  Maybe even make a wind chime out of something similar…?

Bears Butt

Feb. 23, 2013…snowing like heck and no sign of a let up!  I do not like snow right now.

Written on February 23rd, 2013 , Jokes I like!

BearsButt.com | Stories, Ramblings & Random Stuff From an Old Mountain Man is proudly powered by WordPress and the Theme Adventure by Eric Schwarz
Entries (RSS) and Comments (RSS).

BearsButt.com | Stories, Ramblings & Random Stuff From an Old Mountain Man

Just some of my old stories, new stories, and in general what is going on in my life.