Sitting around watching cars go in circles for hours and even days doesn’t really appeal to me, but there are a whole heap of people who like to do just that.  Even some of my women friends!  Huh Barb?

I like the idea of drinking some beer while doing whatever I do, and if I was to go and watch one of those races I’d have to consume several.  The noise alone would have me drinking for sure.

Anyway, in my pursuit to find something entertaining for you I went looking and did find a guy with six pack abs to show off.  It is obvious he has been working on getting himself in this shape for quite some time and has earned the respect from me for sure.  He represents his proud group really well and even though I cropped out the drink of his preference (since this is a family show and I don’t want to do any un-necessary advertising for one company), you can see what I mean about his work out methods!  Go Dale!

Bears Butt

Feb. 15, 2013

Redneck Logic

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes.” Jim Bob thinks it’s a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. “Logic?” Bubba says. “What’s that?”

The dean says, “I’ll show you. Do you own a weedeater?”

“Yeah.”

“Then logically speaking, because you own a weedeater, I think that you would have a yard.”

“That’s true, I do have a yard.”

“I’m not done,” the dean says. “Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.”

“Yes, I do have a house.”

“And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.”

“I have a family.”

“I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife.”

“Yes, I do have a wife.”

“And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.”

“I am a heterosexual. That’s amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weedeater!”

Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar. He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. “Logic?” Jim Bob says, “What’s that?”

Bubba says, “I’ll show you. Do you have a weedeater?”

“No.”

“Then you’re a queer.”

Finally, in desperation, just before
the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the
ground where the cat can’t get it.

He got an A.

If you ever have a boss or friend or neighbor or whoever and you need to find just the right gift to give them you have to put a lot of thought into it.  DUH!

But for the boss, friend, neighbor or whoever that easily makes the wrong choices in their every day life that makes it a whole lot easier.  Mostly because the answer to the question “Why did they…..?” is  “Because they have their head up their…., that’s why”!

So the obvious gift is a “glass belly button”.

Why?  So they can see where they are going!

Bears Butt

July 17, 2012

I was headin down the back road toward Brigham when I spotted Eddie out on the tractor disking up his corn rows.  He was stark naked from the waist down out there in the hot sun.  I thought maybe he had lost his mind, so I stopped and waited till he got back to my end of the row.

He stopped the tractor and asked what I wanted.  I said Ed, what’s with the naked from the waste down business?

He said without hesitation, yesterday I was out here with my shirt off and when I got home I had a real bad stiff neck.  This is my wifes idea.

As some of you know, I posted up where I had found a really cool sight for my muzzleloader.  One that would make me the king of the shooting line at the rendezvous and the other shooters would be so jealous they would opt not to shoot against me.

Later in another post I announced I had received the sight.  But was unsure if I had enough time to mount it on the rifle and get it sighted in before rendezvous.  I chose not to mount it.

At the rendezvous it was time to unveil it to the folks most interested in it.  My target was Magpie and secondly Dry Dog.  Both are very good friends of mine and both are accomplished craftsmen of various trades, including gun repair and knowledge of how they work.

My son, Weasel, was there to take a video of my presentation to Magpie and the unveiling of my new sight.  A sight I am very proud to say I gave to Magpie once he saw it.

And for your viewing pleasure:

Bears Butt

May 30, 2012

Now for all you students out there.  This is an actual copy of a Redneck student exam and it calls for a lot of Enngineering skills to figure out the answers…and YOU thought your last exam was a tough one!

Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a) ’66 Ford Fairlane b) ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle c) ’64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?