We are rapidly approaching the time to apply for the Utah Big Game tags for 2014…don’t let Utah’s drawing system get to the point of Wyomings…or should we?

Muskrat told this joke yesterday and I thought it was very funny…

Where did “You have got to be shitting me” come from?

George Washington and his 40 men were crossing the almost frozen river while trying to find the British soldiers.  In the lead boat was George and his boat full of men rowing against the current.  Suddenly very close to the shore they hit a large rock.  George ordered Corporal Peters out to tend to the boat and pull it the rest of the way onto shore.

Once safe, he again ordered Corporal Peters to tend to the rest of the boats and make sure they too made it safely to shore.  Corporal Peters did as he was ordered and as the last of the boats full of men came toward him, Corporal Peters fell into the icy water.

In spite of all the effort the other men went to trying to find Corporal Peters in that icy water, Corporal Peters drowned.

With all his men soaking wet and the weather freezing George wasn’t sure what he was going to do to help his men survive.  Suddenly down the shore of the river he saw a faint glow of a lantern.  He quickly went down that way and found a brothel (house of ill repute mind you).  Knocking on the door the madam greeted him and he asked if she would mind if his men could spend the night and get their clothes dry.  She was very delighted and asked George how many men he had with him…..

His reply was “Well maam, 39, without Peters…”  Her reply “You have got to be shitting me”!!!!!

With the hunting season upon us I’m sure there have been a lot of substitute teachers called to work for the regular teachers who have “called in sick”!

Subject: Sex And Good Grammar 🙂

On his 74th  birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was  rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.  After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned  “This is  a powerful medicine.  You take only  a teaspoonful, and then say ‘1-2-3.”    When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and  you can perform as long as you want.”

The man was  encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop   the medicine from working?”   “Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,'” he responded, “but when she does, the medicine  will not work again until the next full moon.”

He was very  eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a     spoonful of the medicine, and then invited  his wife to join him in the bedroom.   When she came  in, he took off his clothes and  said,  “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of   men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked,             “What was the 1-2-3 for?”  And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

A woman of not so old went to a funeral home to start her final resting place paper work.  She wanted to pay for it before she passed and wanted everything in place for when that day came so that everything would be perfect and she would end up exactly where she wanted to be.

The mortician said, you must have a burial plot somewhere near here right?  She said no!  I want to be cremated.

Really, said the mortician, well then we will have to have you purchase a vault to put your ashes in.  No she said!  I want my ashes scattered throughout Smith and Edwards Surplus Store in Farr West Utah.

Smith and Edwards!  Responded the mortician!

Yes!  Smith and Edwards she said, that way I am certain my husband will come and visit me once a week!

Bears Butt

August 13, 2013

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator.

Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”

The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?

“There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How ’bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Fat Duck sent this to me through an email and I just have to share it with you on here.  The picture shows a pretty girl sitting in a chair reading an advertisement or something and her “obvious” boyfriend is leaning over her, arms wrapped around her neck and is reading what ever it is that has their attention.  Very cute!

But wait!  Look again!  Isn’t it he that is sitting in the chair and she leaning on him?

Bears Butt

May 26, 2013

This is too funny to let slide by and so I have to share it with you.

Background:  Bones and Tracker were in Hawaii when the gang all went over to Wendover for the annual fun weekend out there.  So, with them not going to be there, Sherry and I decided we would stay home and keep on working on the painting and trapping stuff.  It all worked out well for all of us.

Now, Bones wants to go over and have a fun couple of days and we said we would like to go with them if they didn’t mind.  Of course more is better right?  So, now it’s time to figure out when would be the best time to go over.  We all have lots going on what with the farm work, personal lives, on going house chores and the upcoming Youth Turkey hunt etc.  Tracker has his work as well and needs at least a weeks lead time to let his boss know he will be gone a couple of days.  And so it all goes.

Well, the thing I need to share with you is the email I got this morning and my reply.  I don’t know where this will all go, but I will keep you posted on the emails as they come in.  Bones and Tracker don’t go on Bears Butt Dot Com, nor do they look at Facebook, so when they find out about me doing this, I will probably not be able to post anything more on Bears Butt Dot Com…broken fingers, arms and such….So here is the email I got this morning:

———————-

Written by Bones:

Well it has snowed all day and I finally just had to get the toy out of the trailer and put on the plow…good think I did too, we had almost 10 inches of that fluffy white stuff on the ground…have I told you how much I do NOT like snow right now?

Anyway one of my Facebook friends posted a picture that I thought might just cheer some of you up….

I would customize mine with Oly cans rather than Bud cans.  This is a pretty clever idea.  Maybe even make a wind chime out of something similar…?

Bears Butt

Feb. 23, 2013…snowing like heck and no sign of a let up!  I do not like snow right now.