Yesterday at the Hardware Ranch elk festival, I made up a joke I thought was quite cleaver.  We always show off our tanned animal pelts and one happens to be a skunk skin.  Of course most of the kids don’t want much to do with that one.  Anyway quite awhile ago I was reading about how serious trappers skin and take care of skunks….you see I’ve never skinned one and they are not on my radar to do so any time soon.  The read I was looking at said that the better skinners have learned to hold the animals under water while they skin them out.  That way the odor doesn’t get so bad as if they were not under water.

My joke:

Ya, I understand you have to skin them under water.

I’ve not skinned one yet.

I can’t hold my breath long enough to get the job done.

__________________

Sorry folks.

Bears Butt

December 14, 2014

Ok all of you! It’s that season for PARTEEEEEEE IN! I love a good party! I really love a good party with Twister singing around the camp fire….I git ta stompin my feet and even trying my hand at singin….Twister brings “the best out of me”, well, he makes me stay up later than I would normally stay up…and that leads to the next thing….I think this video and comedian says it all.

So, for you youngsters, take heed with what this guy is saying because he is telling it exactly how it is:

Today it’s an every day thing to see people (even I do it) looking down into their little phone screen reading all about what “so and so” is having for breakfast, or someone else is experiencing severe pain or lover rejection. And so, when I saw this I was very much amused!
Also, please take note of the “dog” in the introduction….AND by the way, The “F” bomb word is used a couple of times in here, so if you don’t like that word, you might want to pass on seeing this. You have been warned!

You are going to like this one, bring a napkin!

Whether is really qualifies as a joke or not, I thought it was quite entertaining….short but entertaining…Enjoy!

Lexophile is a word used to describe those that love using words in rather unique ways, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”

A competition is held every year to see who can come up with the best one. This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.

1. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

SO……..

I was at the movies and bought a popcorn that cost $3.50
I remarked that the last time I bought popcorn it was a dime.
The attendant smartly replied, “Boy you are really going to enjoy this,because now we have sound”.

Just some fun!

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost… It’s a man thing.

Today I thought I’d just toss a few “good ones” your way!  Most who visit this site are out doing last minute Christmas shopping, I know, because they aren’t on Facebook!  Just kidding!

And last but not least:

Bears Butt

December 23, 2013