By: Bears Butt

As some of you might recall, in an interview with Sir Butt, it was said that mining special ore from the mines at the village of Metalurgy would create a sword strong and sharp enough to lop the head off even the strongest of dragons. The interview went something like this:

Ah…Does a sword have to be made of a special metal in order to handle the killing of a dragon? I mean, a dragon has such a hard outer surface covering its skin and all.
You are quite an intelligent man my friend. Why yes the sword must be made of the hardest of metals. Sir Clanks A lot’s arm ore is way too soft for the blade of a sword of this caliber. He too would admit that his mine could not produce the quality of metal for use as a sword made to slay dragons. Metal for a dragon slaying sword can only come from the bowels of a mine found only in Metalurgy. It is very hard to extract and takes nearly the same type of metal to extract it as is being extracted. You see the people of Metalurgy are very keen about how they extract the precious material used to make dragon slaying swords that their entire village is surrounded by a large, unpenetratable wall of the same material. Not only are they not bothered by troublesome dragons, they are isolated from the rest of Common Ground and only those with special permission are allowed within these walls.

Well, since that time we have read about all the dragons that Sir Butt has put into the ground with that sword of his called, Cache!

Cache was created and sharpened by the master of master sword makers in all of Common Ground and he finished the sharpening of that blade so fine that even the master’s eye can not see the very edge of it. “Sharp enough to cut your stare” is what is being said. And so thin as to be able to read a written word behind it! And yet it holds that edge even after lopping off the three heads of a three headed dragon! Now THAT is one sharp blade!

Let it be known that Sir Butt has never taken to sharpening that blade EVER! But he has been given something that could easily sharpen it should it be nicked or somehow ever get dull of edge.

We all should be able to deduce that anything that can sharpen the edge of another must be of a harder material than is being sharpened, can you see that? If not you need to try and sharpen your knife with something and decide if your knife blade is sharper or less sharp than what you used to try and sharpen it.

Let us go on with this:

The story begins with Sir Butt and his newly acquired sword, Cache, held firmly in His Account, riding slowly down the trail going from Sir Butt’s point A ,(Metalurgy), toward his point B. A beautiful day in Common Ground, as all days in Common Ground are. You see, Common Ground never has a day that is anything but beautiful. I don’t know why I even have to mention it, but I do. Cache is brand spanking new to Sir Butt and has yet to lop off the head of its first dragon. Sir Butt feels overly privileged to have had such a fine instrument crafted for himself and is full of praise and thanks to the man who made it.

As he and Something travel slowly along, Sir Butt feels like singing, but in the back of his mind he remembers how terribly he sings and it would sour the birds singing around him and so he refrains. This was a great choice for Sir Butt to do and we thank him for his kindness. Save your singing for a contest of some kind Sir Butt…you will need your voice for that….there is no need to ruin your voice when nobody would hear it except you and your trusty steed. (Something is thankful too).

Plodding along and thinking about his new sword he is again taken aback by the generosity of his friend at Metalurgy, when suddenly he hears a voice coming from his right…”Hark! Sir Butt”!!!! Hails a voice from the brush.

Sir Butt, pulls Something up sharply and stops their travel. “What goes”? Called out Sir Butt.

The brush stirs as a short and old gentleman stands up from the steep bank along side the trail and comes down to the path to make himself known!

“It is but I, Sir Butt! I see you are coming from your point A, Metalurgy and wonder what your point B is”? Said the short man.

“Well, my friend”! Said Sir Butt. “Interesting observation from such a short man as yourself, that I come from Metalurgy, my point A. As to my point B, I have not a clue! I’m just wandering looking for evil dragons to slay using my new sword”.

“Sir Butt, my observation is nothing interesting at all. The path you are on only leads to Metalurgy and no where else. That is one of the only paths in all of Common Ground that ends at only one point…Point B if you are going toward it! And Point A, if you are coming away from it”! He explained.

“Well”! Said Sir Butt. “You are almost as smart as the smartest man I know….Me”! He continued. “And what might your name be”? He asked.

“HA” ! Ha’d the man. “If you are the smartest of the smartest, you should be able to tell me my name! After all, you said it yourself”! Said he smartly.

“You are quite the little man”. Remarked Sir Butt. “But I will take your challenge and I will tell you your name, even though this is our first meeting. Now let me think”.

And Sir Butt began thinking about this man and how he hailed him from the short distance from the bank of the trail. Sir Butt and Something had been moving slowly down the trail and from out of the brush this man spoke as if he was right next to Sir Butt’s ear. The bank was pretty high right where he called out. And now he stands in the trail in front of Something and is barely as tall as Something’s knees. Had he not been sitting high on the bank of the trail, Sir Butt may have missed his calling out because of his own day dreaming about slaying dragons with his new sword.

“Well, Sir Butt”! The man said, “What is my name”?

“My good man, it must be that you are Mr. Banker”! Said Sir Butt. “No one else would sit so high on the side of the trail unless of course you were a ‘Banker’”. He replied.

“My Goodness”! Began the man, “You are absolutely correct! My name is ‘Slider Banker’ but most folks call me ‘Sli’ for short”. He explained.

Sir Butt could not help himself when suddenly he blurted out…”Sli for short! Could it be they call you ‘Sli for short’ because you are so short”? And he began to chuckle to himself for being such a smarty.

The short man took offense immediately and began in on Sir Butt…”Sir Butt, my name is not ‘Sli for Short’ it is ‘Slider Banker’ and people shorten my first name to ‘Sli’ to keep things from becoming too formal”!

“Excuse me”! Said Sir Butt. “I could not help myself by making a joke! You see it is my nature to make jokes of such as that and the opportunity was perfect! I hope you forgive me! Now let us shake and be friends! Life is too short (OH NO, don’t go their Sir Butt) to make seriousness from fun”!

And Sir Butt dis-mounted from Something and approached the man with his hand out in friendly gesture. They shook hands and talked about the weather and such. Soon, Slider and Sir Butt were friends forever.

“May I offer you a cup of grog”? Asked Sir Butt to Sli.

“If you offer, I shall indeed take you up on that offer”. Said Sli.

And the exchange was made. The two of them sat in the shade of the shadiest tree around those parts of Common Ground and toasted to their new found friendship and drank several cups of grog.

(You see, Sir Butt’s container of ale is a never ending container. It seems the more that is taken from it, the more there is in it. Something most of us wishes we had in this day and age.)

“And so, what was your business at Metalurgy, Sir Butt? If I may ask”? Asked Sli.

“Well, funny you should ask, Sli. And it is none of your business, but I will tell you anyway. My good friend “, continued Sir Butt, “I was invited there by the mining authorities within the walls of Metalurgy to be presented with a dragon slaying sword and the sheath in which to keep it”.

“And not to be nosey, but would you mind showing it to me”? Sli asked.

“I am very pleased to show you my newly acquired gifts”! Exclaimed Sir Butt.

And he drew Cache from His Account and showed it to Sli. Sli reached out to take Cache, but Sir Butt drew it back toward himself and remarked that no-one should handle Cache except the owner. At which instant, he then placed Cache back into His Account.

“A beautiful piece of craftsmanship”! Said Sli.

“Yes! Yes it is! And I’m very proud of it”! Said Sir Butt.

“And how might one sharpen such a sword of fine craftsmanship as that one, Sir Butt”? Sli asked.

“It is never ending sharp! As it is made from the finest metal ore to be found in the deep mines of Metalurgy. This sword is made to lop heads off of dragons with ease. But as yet, has not met up with any dragons”. Said Sir Butt.

“But, there is no such metal that does not ever need to be re-sharpened”! Said Sli.
“Yes there is”! Exclaimed Sir Butt! “My sword here, called Cache! I could bash it against those rocks over there and it would be just as sharp as when I rode out of the gates of Metalurgy”! He finished.

“HMMMM”. Hmmm’d Sli. “Sir Butt, would you accept a gift from me”? He asked.

“Sli, I have never turned down a gift in my life. Why would I start now? Of course I will accept a gift from you”! Said Sir Butt.

“Sir Butt”! Began Sli. “In all my days, I have not heard of a sword that didn’t need the blade attended too on occasion and since I knew that in Metalurgy they make some of the finest swords and knives in all of Common Ground. I make my business on making sharpening devises to help keep those swords and knives as sharp as they are when they come through those gates. Pardon me, Sir Butt, but your sword ‘Cache’, just might need attending to one day. Here is my offer to you”!

And Sli presented to Sir Butt a fine pouch with a hard stone inside. The stone measured about 4 finger lengths long by two fingers wide. Flat on both sides, with one side rather course to the touch and the other as fine as a frogs back leg.

“I accept”! Said Sir Butt with excitement in his voice. Sir Butt loves to be given gifts, especially fine gifts like this one. He will never use it himself, but perhaps he will run across someone in need and let them borrow it to sharpen their sword or knife. “Thank you very much, Sli! I shall treasure it in my travels”! He continued.

“You are welcome, my friend”! Said Sli. “I make them of metal ore from my own small mine, but I’m not so certain it is of the quality ore as found deep in the mines of Metalurgy. However, I have never had one returned for not being able to sharpen the hardest of blades I have encountered to date…unless of course it is Cache”.

“Sli, my friend”, began Sir Butt, “I will not be using this gift to sharpen Cache, as I have been assured that Cache is made from the hardest metal of all of Common Ground and will never need to be sharpened….EVER. But should I run into someone along my travels who needs to sharpen their sword or knife I will lend it to them for that purpose and I will refer them to you to obtain their own sharpening devise”.

“That is all I could ask of you Sir Butt”. Said Sli.

“Now, what is this thing called”? Asked Sir Butt.

“Let’s think about it awhile, Sir Butt”. Began Sli. “You are the smartest of the smartest in all the land, you should be telling me what this thing is called”.

“OK, I will”! Said Sir Butt in his most excited voice. And then continued speaking. “It’s made to sharpen the blades of swords and knives used in whatever those swords and knives are used for. Like cutting bread and cheese and perhaps popping the corks out of certain ale containing containers at the taverns in the middle of towns. Even stabbing that last dill pickle from the jar in town. But in my case, it will be to sharpen the edge of Cache after lopping off the heads of many a dragon. Of course that will not be necessary, but I’ll entertain you with what you wish to be entertained with.

As I, Sir Butt, go about my business of making the trails and paths throughout Common Ground safe I will encounter many dragons worthy of being slayed. In the end, but there is no end, Cache would have taken many dragons down. Cache really ended dragons—terror in towns sharpening device. That is what I’ll call it Mr Slider! Cache really ended dragons terror in towns”!

“So be it, Sir Butt”! Said Sli. “It is yours to call it what you wish. But that is a very long name and one that should be shortened perhaps. I’ll let you decide on that, Sir Butt”.

“Perhaps you are right, Sli”. Said Sir Butt. “’Cache Really Ended Dragons terror In Town’ is a rather lengthy name. What if I shortened it to just the first letter of the name I just gave it. ‘C’ for Cache, ‘R’ for Really, ‘E’ for Ended, ‘D’ for Dragons terror, ‘I’ for In and finally ‘T’ for Town. C.R.E.D.I.T. That would be a lot easier to say wouldn’t it? CREDIT”! Exclaimed Sir Butt.

“Why yes it would, Sir Butt. I think you are on to something here”! Said Sli rather excited. “I had not thought of a name for it either and so I too will use your name for all of those devices I make from here on out! I thank you for coming up with a great name, Sir Butt”! He said.

The two of them talked for many more hours and then Sir Butt decided he had best be on his way. There just might be a dragon up the trail that needed his attention. However, because of the proximity to Metalurgy, he doubted very much there were any dragons in the area. Dragons like to lay in wait for folks traveling the trails and paths between points A and B where folks live and play and Metalurgy just isn’t such a place.

They said their goodbyes and off down the trail went Sir Butt and Something. But more than that, Sir Butt was carrying “Cache” in “His Account” and his newly acquired gift of “Credit” in his pouch.

Sir Butt and Something traveled many days and nights without so much as seeing another soul along the way. That is just the way it is when you are making your way to or from Metalurgy. People have to know for sure they will get within the walls of Metalurgy or the trip just isn’t worth their time. Besides only at the crossroads of that trail is there a town with a tavern in which to quench one’s thirst.

Sir Butt was feeling that perhaps there were no dragons left in Common Ground that needed his attention, or better yet, the attention of Cache. Now that he has such a fine instrument at his disposal he would like to see just how well it worked. But he has a small knife he uses to cut his morning biscuit and cheese and those two things would never dull that knife to justify him using his Credit to sharpen it.

Then one day as he and Something were going down the trail, a man on a horse approaching asked Sir Butt if he had any way he could sharpen his knife! What a small world it is indeed, thought Sir Butt and of course offered up his pouch which held his Credit. The man used it and in short order the knife was again as sharp as it had been from where ever it had been made. They talked awhile and decided that it was getting dark and that perhaps they should camp together for the company.

They found a nice little spot to the side of a cool spring with clear water and lots of fish. They let their steeds go out to pasture and they made ready their bedrolls and then decided to catch a few fish for their supper. Fresh fish is a very welcome change from dry biscuits, broth and ale.

After supper and as evening quickly approached, the two of them were leaning back against a couple of trees discussing the days events and in general getting know one another. It seems the man that Sir Butt had just met was from a village far off and was working his way toward Metalurgy where he hoped he could find employment in his field of trade. He was a schooled chisel dresser and sharp chisels are what is needed to mine the hardest of ores. Metalurgy has such hard ores.

Sir Butt was more than helpful to give him instructions on how to follow the trail into the town. And then the man asked him where he had gotten that stone which he lent him to sharpen his knife. Sir Butt told him about meeting the short man not to far out of Metalurgy and told him he might just want to try and find him as he traveled to the gates of the town.

After a good nights sleep, the two awoke and shared biscuits and broth before departing their separate ways. Sir Butt asked him to be sure and come back and find him should he encounter any dragons along his way to Metalurgy.

Both mounted upon their steeds, Sir Butt said, “Good by my friend! May you find your way safe to the gates of Metalurgy and may they hire you to be the best of the best chisel dresser in all of Common Ground”!

“I thank you Sir Butt” ! Said the man. “May your travels find you safely to your point B as well and may any dragons you come across fall to the sword of your Cache! By the way, what was the name of the man who gifted you your Credit”? He asked.

Sir Butt calmly said, “His name is Slider Banker, and he said his friends call him Sli. I told him when we departed I would share his name and the fact that he had more sharpening tools we both call Credit”!

“Again, Thank you Sir Butt! You are a good man”! Said he, as he slowly turned his steed toward Metalurgy his Point B. And then he mumbled to himself the name of the man who made the sharpening stones…..Sli Banker has the Credit he needs.


At this point, I need to remind you that with such a stone as hard as this and used to sharpen softer metal blades, over sharpening, or sharpening of the blade over time, will cause the blade to become skinnier and shorter and at some point in time the blade will simply disappear and nothing will be left except the handle. I hope you can see this in your minds eye. If not I suggest you see a doctor or get some help in other ways. And I quote from another source “Just Sayin”.

Bears Butt
August 23, 2015

Written on September 1st, 2015 , Sir Butt

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Just some of my old stories, new stories, and in general what is going on in my life.