By: Bears Butt


Have you ever had the desire to have your name in some sort of record book?  I’m certain that this rock wall of ancient drawings is just that.  Stories of what someone did that was so memorable they wanted to make sure others that followed would know just how great a feat they had accomplished.  Look at the number of people who are standing up, with their arms outstretched while riding on horses or other things.  The guy in the lower center looks like he is riding a turtle, at least that’s my interpretation.  How about the six toes guy!  A record for sure.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about what kind of record someone could pull off that is NOT in the Guinness record book, YET!  This writing could just inspire someone to pull it off and get their name in there.

I looked up the Guinness site and queried “Eggs” and there are 21 total records involving eggs, only two records showed up in my query when I looked up “Eggs Cracked”:  “The most eggs cracked in one minute with one hand”  and “The most eggs cracked in one hour with one hand”.  Both records would be feats mostly obtained by short order cooks, like Dry Dog, Edjukateer and Brian Nichols, to name the three I know who have that on their resume’s.

Why did I want to look up “eggs cracked”, well here is my idea.  How many eggs can you crack, using ONE egg to do the cracking?  No one has attempted that record and so, if you were able to crack just one egg, using another egg to do it with, you would be the record holder.  And if you could crack two eggs, before the one you are using cracked, you would have doubled the previous record!

In order to understand what I’m saying, you must think about this the next time you are making yourself breakfast.  You take one egg in your left hand, and a second egg in your right hand.  You must say at this point which egg in which hand is going to be the one doing the cracking.  Once you commit to that, then the other egg becomes the one you want to crack when you smack the two together.  It is a very rare occurrence that both eggs crack at the same time, unless you’re a “Gorilla Fingers” sort of person.

So, in my mind, I see maybe 50 people all standing around a huge table or series of tables, all of them having at least a dozen eggs in front of them.  For simplicity, let’s call these people “Record Crackers”.  Since this is not a timed event, you would also have to have a judge or several judges in attendance, “Judges”,  who’s job it is to One: insure the one egg, “Crackie”, did in fact crack , while Two: insure the egg doing the cracking,  “Crackor”, did in fact NOT crack and to Three: record the number of “Crackies”!

As the number of  “Record Crackers” gets eliminated because their last “Crackor” cracked before the the “Crackie” cracked, they would step away from the tables and not be a part of the record for the book.  I suppose  a tie could be the end result, and not thoroughly studying the record book, I assume that all “Record Crackers” in a tie would get their names into the book.

The record book does make sure that you have to have all the rules clearly defined before the event.  So, rules like, “Record Crackers” can use the “Crackor” to hit the “Crackie” as many times as it takes to finally crack the shell of the “Crackie”.  (On a down side, each time you hit an egg against another egg the chance of cracking your Crackor increases as well as the chances of cracking the shell of the Crackie, just saying). But that after each hit of the Crackor against the Crackie, an inspection has to take place.  Judges will have to be given explicit instructions as to what to look for and what defines a “crack”.

So, this event could be a really fun one, with the end result not only ending with a record for the book, but also a great meal prepared for the Record Crackers and everyone else in attendance.  Or, the scrambled eggs could be sent to a homeless shelter or old folks home.

Sponsors from the local community could be easily obtained, as a video of the event would no doubt be a big part of it, as well as local television and radio personalities being on site to witness it and report on it.  If I was an egg producing company (Rogers), or a local store (Smiths) I sure would want my name out in front of everyone.

Great idea, huh?  Let’s get Crackin!

Bears Butt

November 30, 2013

Written on November 30th, 2013 , Uncategorized

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Just some of my old stories, new stories, and in general what is going on in my life.