It’s getting close to Christmas and you are probably worrying about decorating the house and yard, but then money is tight and things just might have to be put off as far as decorations go.

But wait!  I’m here to help you!

You really don’t need a tree stuck in your house you know.  I don’t know where that came from, but you don’t need a tree, I’m telling you!

Once a long time ago, Sherry and I decided to heck with a tree and we saw a tumble weed stuck in a fence….I got it and we just laid it on the table and decorated it.  It was pretty cool too.  That got us to thinking and the next year or so, we cut a sage bush down that was all dead, I stuck the base in a 3 pound coffee can filled with dirt, for weight, and we decorated that up….Now that was really cool, because it had some way cool scent to it.

Even another year, I gathered up all the drop horns I had and we piled them up on the table and decorated them with lights and tinsel and ornaments.  Now THAT was cool.

So, what I’m saying here is you DON’T NEED A TREE!  Why waste good money on a stupid tree?

Ok, so you have something ready to decorate and you don’t have anything to decorate it with.  BS is what I say.  Every house has something to decorate with and if you don’t  then let’s go get some things.

Look around almost any camp site…empty shells of all sorts.  Gather them up.  Shot gun shells are the biggest and best, but 30-06 shells are great too.  You tie strings around the bases and hang them in the tree or bush or whatever you are decorating.  Need tinsel?  Probably not, but if you do, go get some baling twine…it seems to be almost everywhere.  Live in a big city?  Gather up some of that skinny flat plastic packaging wrap stuff.  That will work.  Heck, even the shrink wrap stuff and that will add a little sparkle too.  The pop tops off soda and beer cans are nice little sparkly things when they are tied on the tree too.  String a bunch of them together and you will be the envy of the neigh-bor-hood I’m tellin you!

If you’re decorating thing is really big, why not tie on the whole can?????  Or better yet, stack up the cans and let that be your tree?  Heck yes!  Maybe even buy some duck tape and tie it all together solid like.  Stick a mag-light on the top with the twisty end taken off and there you go!  Christmas at your house!  I like it.

Start now for next year and you could have one of the best decorated houses that would be the most envious of the entire town!  Just use your imagination.

How would it be if there was an old used toilet sitting on old broken snow skis, in front of  your place, hooked with baling twine to nine old snow ski poles stuck in the ground at angles away from the toilet seat.  Each pole decorated with hanging table forks and knives and the lead ski pole had a flashing barricade light painted red on it?   I really like that idea.

On the toilet seat you could put a scare crow looking dude all dressed in red and white.  You could even use your old flannel shirt…you know the one…the one you just can’t toss away yet.  Who says it even has to be red and white?  What’s wrong with plaid?  We are talking Christmas here aren’t we?  Who decided on red and white anyway…..let’s change that….right now….here in a minute!

So, get busy finding just what you want to decorate your house, apartment, yard, car, whatever….there are plenty of things out there that will work just fine.

Oh and for a gift…get some old used eating utensils; knives, forks, spoons and the like.  Drill holes in the handles, up near the end.  Tie on some heavy fishing line.  Get a good solid stick and tie the other end of the fishing line to it so that you have three or four or five (or more) of them utensils hanging down close enough for the wind to make them touch when they move….There you go, a redneck wind chime!

I have to add:

Let’s make a “manger scene” using spent bullet casings:

Mary – 30-30 casing, Joseph – 30-06 casing, Jesus- 22 casing, 3 wise guys – 30-06 or 7mm casings, Camels, donkies – 410 casings, Shepard- 30-30 or 30-06 casing, three or four sheep-17 hmr casings.  Oh ya!

I really like this time of year!

Bears Butt

Dec. 5, 2012