I have a friend who likes to deal with whatever he thinks might make him a penny, a dime, nickel or whatever.  Making a few cents is what it is all about.  His name is Frank.

An honest man.  A man of integrity.  A man of character (to say the least).  A man who knows what he wants and he works hard at trying to make a few dollars at whatever he is doing.  Always looking for a bargain.  Buy it low and sell it high.  That’s Frank.

When he is buying something, he will never pay what you are asking unless it is absurdly under priced.   If your price is in line with its value, he will talk you down in your asking price until he is happy to buy it.

Almost always smiling and friendly until the deal is made…and then..the deal is made.  It’s his problem or yours.  But either way, he will honor an amount of “guarantee”, be it, once it’s in your truck it’s yours, or I’ll write you a bill of sale and guarantee it for 3 days.  Money back.

Once Frank wanted a new truck…a Ford truck.  He wanted a work truck with no frills.  No floor mats would be fine with him.  It must have a heater, four wheel drive and a radio would be nice.  If you are old enough to remember, the 50’s and 60’s trucks came that way.  Wind down/up windows.  Manual seat adjustments.  AM radio.  The better ones even had a windshield washer that sprayed onto your windshield.

Well , that was the type of truck Frank wanted.  He called around and heard all the B.S. about what each Ford dealer had.  He could order one, but it would come with floor mats,  electric this and electric that.  It would have a radio that could play CD’s etc., 6 speakers, heated outside mirrors etc. etc. etc.

Frank did not want that, and he especially did not want the price they were asking.  He was looking for a ¾ ton Ford truck, 4 wheel drive for around $12,000.  Is that so out of line?  Not to Frank it wasn’t.  But as the years went by and inflation kept driving the lowest price ever so much higher, Frank was falling into the “new truck price, pay it or go away” dilemma.  No dealer was coming down from the price they were asking…none of them!  And so, Frank eventually bought his no frills truck.  I have no idea what he paid, but I’m sure the salesman only made enough to buy his lunch that day.

So, here is Frank and his hobby.  Garage sales!  Storage Bay auctions!  Friends calling and asking him to buy this or that.  Every day, every weekend, all the time…Frank is looking for that ever illusive chest of drawers with the locked bottom drawer full of uncirculated 1943 D pennies.

Recently Frank was at a Garage Sale, and I’m sure he was asking the little old widow lady if she had any sporting goods that wasn’t on display, and hoping her answer would lead to a firearm in mint condition, a few boxes of ammo, a gun case to go with it and at a price far below the $50 Frank had in his wallet.  When suddenly, a lady who was also shopping in the same garage sale, blurted out, “does anyone here have a dryer they want to sell”?

Of course Frank has several dryers in his storage shed  “over on Malvern”.  And he makes arrangements with her to meet up and make a deal.

At Malvern he guarantees her it works, even though he has never plugged it in.  He gives her an “unconditional guarantee for three days”!  Now THAT is a great deal, coming from Frank.  I figure he never really looked her in the eyes, but most likely was looking lower than her chin the whole time.  And he helped load it up in her truck.

A day later she calls him up…”Frank, I just want you to know, this dryer you sold me is awesome!  I love it”!  Frank is delighted to hear it worked and was just what she needed to dry her wet clothes.   She went on to ask him if he could use her old broken one for salvage because it was in her way and she needed to get rid of it.  Of course, Frank is willing to be the hero and take it off her hands.  After all, scrap dryers are getting about $10 at the salvage yard.  Add that to Franks already large haul of cash from the sale of his $2 dryer that he sold her. (These prices are just guesses on my part as I have no idea what salvage value is nor do I know how much Frank paid for his dryer).

So, Frank goes over to her place to pick up the old broken dryer.  Franks wife, June, also goes along for the ride.  She probably suspects this buxom lady might be up to some sort of trick and she needs to help defend Frank from his “old man” thoughts.  Frank is able to load this broken down dryer into the back of his truck.  Whether he had help or not I don’t know, but with a good looking, buxom lady standing close by, a man’s ego can get him to do most anything.

Back over at Malvern, June is sitting in the truck minding her business as Frank pushes the dryer out and onto the ground with a bang!  Frank climbs down from the back of the pickup and suddenly realizes there are a couple of coins laying there on the ground by the dryer.  He picks them up and as he does he sees another coin trying to come out from between the bottom of the dryer and one of the side panels.  He tips the dryer on its side and proceeds to pull the bottom panel off the dryer.  When it is off, his eyes got REALLY WIDE as he peered into the dryer and saw hands full of coins laying there.  Literally hands full and he begins to scoop them up in his double hands and carries them to June.  She lays a newspaper on her lap and Frank dumps the hand full of coins onto the newspaper.  He goes back for another scoop and then another.

Grinning from ear to ear, like I know Frank to do when things are going exceptionally well for him, he almost totally dismantles that dryer to find every one of the coins that had found themselves trapped in there over many years of use.  Yes, a 1960’s vintage clothes dryer…you know…a green one.  Thousands of loads of dried clothes have been put through that dryer and over the years, a coin here and a coin there and suddenly the dryer just can’t do another load.  Did the motor stop because it was worn out or did the coins lodge in the space the drum rolled in and caused it to bind up?  We will never know.

What we do know is that when Frank and June counted up the money that was taken from the bottom of that dryer they had a total of $10.85!!!!  Amazing!

So, there you have the story of Frank and just one of his dealings.  Could this have been his best deal ever?  I think not, but it sure is a heck of a story from a man who tells the cops he is in the salvage business and they tell him he does not fit the mold.

Congratulations Frank!  Good job my friend!

Bears Butt

Feb. 2012