AHHH, the Bible.  Words of truth and wisdom.  Mans transgressions and courageous acts of near fantacy proving the existence of Him and His powers.  “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.  And the earth was without form……” .  That is how it begins and so this story.

In the beginning a Mountain man was formed, but without true form, for he was young and without form.  There was some character, as you will see, but truly that character has changed as time has gone on.

Rondeevoo sum time back.  Way back ta the beginning as I recollect.  All the folks what wuz there wuz havin the most fun of times.  They be lots an lots of whoopin and hollerin frum daybreak til almost daybreak agin.  I’d give up a heap o plews ta have bin there wit em.  I weren’t there see, cuz I wuzn’t quite borned a mountain man yet.  So ya see this here cuss is recollectin a story bout a mountain man whut wuz just about ta be borned a mountain man.

Seems this here mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet,  dun cumed out o pert near no where in particular, beins he wuz at this here rondeevoo.  He dun been fightin a big ol battle sum place outside the confinds of this great nation of ours.  Seems sum dun got theys hairs all riled up an wanted ta take over sum body elses stuff, an ground,  an how they wuz a livin.  So this here mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet,  went on over ta that place an kicked sum rear end.  An then he cummed back ta find hisself at this here rondeevoo.

He wuz right with the rondeevoo program too an with all the other rondeevoo folks laughin an tellin tall stories (not lies mind you cuz mountain men never lie) an havin sum cold drink an all.  Well this here mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, wuz tellin his story bout bein where he just dun cummed frum an they wuz believin his story wuz true an all,  an the merriment that he dun cummed back ta rondeevoo wuz makin them all happy an such.  This here mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, really liked what he dun called, “Annie Green Springs” an It cummed in a tallish green bottle with a cork whut cud be wiggled offn the bottle real easy like an made the contents real sweet.  He dun drinked a whole lot o that stuff cuz that wuz what he wanted ta do.

One night at this here rondeevoo he wuz doin what sum called “tipi creepin”.  That is when yous goes frum one tipi ta the nixt tryin ta find all yer friends what is at rondeevoo, but you aint seed em yet.  Well, fer ever tipi he dun creeped to, he wud have hisself another round o that Annie stuff.  Well that Annie stuff has sumpin in it what makes yer legs git all wiggley an hard ta stand, an yer head all gits spinnin an all.  Well, that there is nuther story.

This here mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, wuz tipi creepin with the best, an by that I mean,  he dun had a partner wid im what I kint amember what his name wuz fer sure so I am gonna say it wuz a feller with a Christen name o Colby Maughn.  We dun heared a heap about ol Colby frum this here mountain man I bin talkin bout fer years, but we figger he is just a maginary friend that goes with him now an agin.  So, since my memory is not all that good, I gotta put this here Colby feller in this here story, cuz my odds is perty good that it wuz Colby fer sure.  There are a whole heap o stories bout this Colby guy an I plan ta tell ya bout sum one o these days cumin soon.

Back ta the tipi creepin…This here mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, an this here Colby feller they looked at each other an neither wuz wearin no clothes whut looked like mountain men, but they wuz at rondeevoo just the same,  an all theys friends what wuz there wuz all wearin buckskins an loin clothes an such an wuz lookin real good like mountain men duz.  These two creepers had ta git themselves sum mountain man clothes er might find theyselves In sum heap o trouble.

They dun creeped inta a tipi an this here tipi friend has sum tanned up skins what he wuz tryin ta git rid of.  This here mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, dun talked this friend outa one o them there skins an tried it on his head like a hat.  Everbody nowed that mountain men wears hats made frum critter skins. This here skin wuz case skinned an tanned up real good, with the critters hair still on the outside all shined up perty like.  The tipi friend wuz all fer tradin this here skin fer a drink offn that Annie jug an they laughed an had a good time tellin tales an such fer a long time.

You probably knowed what cased skinned is, but case ya don’t I will try an splain best I kin.  Ya see case skinned means ya start ta skin the critter frum the leg an tail part o the critter an ya careful like skin all the hide offn the critter down ta his nose, bein real careful not ta cut no holes in the hide an makin sure ta pull the front feet thru the hide careful too, an then ya cut off the ears, eyes, an whiskers, an nose in such good fashion that when you is dun an turns the critters hide right side out when you is dun, it looks just like the critter still had his body left in, but the body is dun gone.  Hope that makes a heap of sents ta you, cuz I kint think o no more way ta tell ya.

After jawin fer a gud part o the night time, this here mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, an his maginary Colby friend, dun decided that since the tipi friend, whut traded a few horns offn the Annie jug fer the case skinned hat,  cudn’t git up no more on accounta he dun had wiggly legs an all, that they wud just be on theys way ta do more tipi creepin.

They dun wiggly legged theys selves down the trail ta the next tipi they wuz gonna creep inta an as they duz, the friend inside the tipi dun looks up an suprized like he says “Muskrat”!  Well, this mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, looks inta the friends eye cross the fire inside o that there tipi an says “Yip”!

Any body what bin ta rondeevoo knows what cums next.  Ya see that there case skinned hat that wuz on top o the mountain man, what wuzzn’t yets’, head wuz a skinned out muskrat.  An the openin on the open part o the cased skin ain’t too big, an so it sits top the mountain man, what wuzzn’t yets’, head perty high like bov his ears,  an the nose of that there cased skinned critter wuz near ta make the whole hat look sorta pointy like.

The friend in that there tipi, what sawed the mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, cumin inta his lodge looked up an saw, NOT the mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, but the pointy little hat on his head an he dun recognized the cased skinned critter as the muskrat what it wuz an he dun said what cummed outa his mouth first off…muskrat!

The mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, an his maginary friend Colby an this here friend in the lodge, they dun sat fer sum time laughin an drinkin the rest of that there Annie jug an they dun had they selves a good time sure.  One thing that happened in that there lodge fer sure wuz a namin that there night,  an wherever mountain men shall meet, this here mountain man, what wuzzn’t yet, but is now, forever shall be called “Muskrat”!

And that’s how I knowed this here story ta go an that is just the way it wuz an is.

I jus bet too that ifn ever at rondeevoo we dun seed that ol hoss what Muskrat calls Colby, there be a naming cuz maginary friends has ta have a name too, an Colby just aint gonna be it in the mountain man world.

Bears Butt

June 19, 2011