By: Bears Butt

SIR BUTT TRAVELING THROUGH THE LAND

A beautiful spring day in Common Land, finds Sir Butt riding slowly on Something down a beautifully tree lined trail leading to his Point B.  The birds are all out singing cheerfully.  The air, just refreshed from a light spring rain, is crisp and cool.  Life could not be better for the people of Common Ground and for Sir Butt himself.  He is reassured as his left hand finds the curved handle on Cash and then down to feel the top of Account, the sheath which covers Cash.

Far ahead coming his direction are two male travelers, obviously proceeding to their own Point B.  They too are traveling slowly and enjoying the spring morning and the beauty that can only be found in Common Ground.  As they get closer greetings begin to occur.   First by the steeds and then by the mens voices.

Whinnie, goes Something.  Whinnie go each of the steeds from the other travelers in turn.

Good Morning!    How is your day?  Says and asks Sir Butt.

Most excellent Sir!  And how is yours thus far? Says one of the other men.

It could not be better.  A beautiful spring day, birds singing and the temperature is as perfect as it gets here in Common Ground.  Says Sir Butt.

Let me introduce myself and my friend here.  Says one of the travelers.  My name is Lucky Man and my friend here is Al Ex.  We have just left Point A, over there (gesturing the direction and pointing low) and are heading for Point B over there (gesturing the direction and pointing high and arcing down).

Lucky Man?  Says Sir Butt, I do recall out meeting several years back.  I am the man who gave you that name.  I am Sir Butt!

Sir Butt?  Why yes I do recall meeting you and you giving me my name!  But I could not recall YOUR name after you named me.  Then off you went and killed the dragon which nearly had me and my horse charred to charcoal!  Sir Butt, I am of great pride to see you again.  Al Ex!  Please meet Sir Butt!  Said Lucky Man.

I am please to meet you Sir Butt, but unlike my friend here, Lucky Man, I WILL remember your name and your face forever.  Lucky Man has told me many times about the man who named him Lucky Man, but until now, no name and no face was able to be put to the man who named him.  Said Al Ex.  I can say that he is in of utmost gratitude for your giving him a name, because before that he had no name and would just grunt when people asked who he was, and so he became known as the grunting man.  Al Ex added.

Well.  Said Sir Butt, I’m very glad I gave you a name you can be proud of Lucky Man, I certainly would not have liked to have been called the grunting man.  And it’s my pleasure to meet you too Al Ex.   I see you have not been travelling for long because of your Point A being so close, but I also see you have a very long venture ahead of you because of where your Point B destination is.  I believe you will be travelling for several days.  Are you planning on staying in any other villages along the way?

We don’t have much in the way of funds and so we plan on  sleeping along the trail side until we reach our Point B.  Says Lucky Man.

We have plenty to eat and drink.  Says Al Ex.

Al Ex, how did you come of that name?  Asks Sir Butt.

Before my father passed away on the day of my birth, his last word was “AL” and then he passed.  Since it is only the father that can name his male children, “Al” became my name.  Also, since all of us in Common Land must have at least a two name name and because my mother could not remember my fathers second name, only “EX” was available.  And so, Al Ex, is what I have been called since.  Said Al Ex.

Well, Al Ex, how long have you and Lucky Man been riding together?  Asked Sir Butt.

Well, Lucky Man and I met when I finished my schooling in Metalurgy and I have been at his right hand side ever since.  Spoke Al Ex.

Ok then, if I may be so brazen!  From here on, wherever men shall meet and greet in Common Land you shall be known as “Right Hand Man”!  Said Sir Butt with exuberance.

Oh my friend Sir Butt, that is such an honor!  I shall cherish the name Right Hand Man from this day forth!  Responded the ex Al Ex.

From what you have said and with your distant Point B being your destination, there is only one place where there is any danger of dragons.  Says Sir Butt.  I shall be near that place in your travels by the time you get there and will do my best to make certain your path is cleared of dragon dangers.  So go forth with concerns behind you.  Enjoy your travel.  I must reach my Point B soon, I have people waiting for me there.  Oh and by the way, your Point A just happens to be my Point B.  Sir Butt Added.

Safe travelling to you too Sir Butt, Said Lucky Man.  Safe traveling Sir Butt, Said Right Hand Man.

And the three parted company and each rode on toward their Points B.

Right Hand Man had a very large smile on his face as they proceeded on toward their Point B.  Lucky Man also was pleased with the meeting they just had with Sir Butt.  Now Lucky Man would have a witness to his story of being named Lucky Man by Sir Butt and too, Right Hand Man has a witness to his naming by the same dragon slayer of dragon slayers.

Sir Butt Reaches Point B of his journey

It wasn’t long before Sir Butt  arrives at his Point B.  Something is nervous as they arrive through the gates and continue along the path toward the tavern.  Sir Butt feels the urge to eat a hearty breakfast and partake of liquid refreshments.  He lets Something out  to relieve himself.

Entering the tavern, Sir Butt notices some old friends he has not seen in quite some time and who said they would meet there this day.  They had breakfast served on the table and waiting for his pleasure.

Welcome Sir Butt!  Said one of the old friends.

Hello, good friends of mine.  Says Sir Butt.

You must sit and eat with us and we will chat about old times and drink some merriment and you must meet another dear friend.

So Sir Butt settles in to eat what is before him and chat with old friends and drink some merriment and meet another dear friend who he has not met before but trusts in the others good judgements.  Partaking of early Common Ground spring grapes and fresh bread and cows milk butter and chicken birds eggs and fried ground raised potatoes.  He filled his belly with it all.  And then came the merriment!  Again it was glass after glass while they talked about old times and good times and such as was had by them when they were last together.

Then into the room walks a very shapely young maiden who comes directly toward the table at which Sir Butt and the others are sitting.  Hello Merrily Buxum.  Said one of Sir Butts old friends.   Hello. Said Merrily Buxum in a shy manner, her head turning slightly away from the ever so handsome Sir Butt.  Sir Butt is so taken by the beauty of this young maiden he is dribbling merriment all down the right side of the corner of his mouth.  Which also is the side closest to Merrily Buxum.  She notices the dribble and pulls her hanky from under the long sleeve of her blouse and hands it to Sir Butt with a smile.

Sir Butt takes the hanky and dabs at the dribble and says, “My lady, it is obvious to me that chivalry is not dead in this abode”.

Nor should it ever.  And to whom am I granting the use of my hanky?  She said and then asked.

Excuse me.  Said one of Sir Butts old friends sitting at the table.  We were about to introduce you to Sir Butt upon your arrival, but who was to expect Sir Butt to dribble at such an inopportune moment.  You handled that in a most gracious manner.  Merrily Buxum, please meet our dear friend and fierce dragon slayer, Sir Butt!

Being the gentleman Sir Butt is, he stood while the introductions were being made.

They each put out a hand and greeted with the normal locked fingers and waving upright thumbs.  The custom of Common Ground between a man and a woman meeting for the first time.

Please be seated over there across the table from me.  Said Sir Butt.

And she sauntered to that chair and was assisted in  seating by another of Sir Butts good old friends.  Sir Butt could not take his eyes off her the entire time.  And as the conversation proceeded, his eyes were locked on her perfect form.

How did you come of such a beautiful name Merrily Buxum?  Asked Sir Butt.

Well, as you know only the mother can give a name to her female children and my mother gave me the name of Merrily.  It means Merrily you know and I am very merrily indeed, all the time.  My second name is as always my fathers last name, which is Buxum.  She responded.

Oh how quaint!  And I might add you are quite merrily and you certainly are buxom.  Said Sir Butt with a smile and a slight chuckle.  Would you care for some merriment?  Asked Sir Butt.

The next day

Sir Butt awakes in the stable with Something standing tall above him.  His head is pounding from consuming so much merriment, but his heart is filled with good thoughts of his old friends and the meeting of Merrily Buxum.  He can’t recall much more after their meeting yesterday.

And so, he must gather himself up and be on his way.  He thinks about what transpired the day before and figures he has just enough time to go from where he is now, Point A, to where there might be danger awaiting the two gentlemen he met yesterday on the trail (Point B).  Point B is a narrow valley, covered with low growth trees and many rock outcroppings.  A perfect dragon ambush point in the trail.

He scrambles to his feet and begins to look for Cash and his Account but they are no where to be found.  My GOSH!  What have I done with them?  He frantically asks himself, as he looks into the eyes of Something.  What has happened to my Cash and my Account?

Of course Something cannot speak, and cannot tell him he left them both on the table in the tavern last evening while he and Merrily Buxum went dancing.  She kept hitting into the ballast of the sward and causing the end of the Account to swing into other dancers, tripping them and almost causing Sir Butt to have to take up a fist to cuff.  Something Sir Butt is not good at and most likely would have come out a knot headed looser.  Merrily Buxum wanted no such thing to happen and made him disrobe.

Vaguely Sir Butt started to piece the events of the night back together.  Perhaps a glass of merriment would refresh his memory and allow him to locate his Cash and his Account.  And so, back to the tavern he trudged, head pounding madly at each beat of his heart.

Inside, there sat Merrily Buxum at the same table where he last saw her the night before and on the table sat his Cash and his Account.  Oh My Gosh!  He cried,  My Cash and My Account!  They are safe!

Merrily Buxum groggily said, Yes, but only because I was here guarding the stupid dang things while you went out to check on Something and never came back!  And her voice began to pick up volume and intensity as she said,  You Sir Butt are a CAD!  A CAD of all CADS !!  It’s no wonder you have no female friends.  No wonder all you think about is slaying dragons and drinking merriment and parading Something around between your legs,  while waiving your Cash and your Account in front of people.  A CAD I tell you a CAD!

My dear lady Merrily Buxum, said Sir Butt in a very controlled and quiet voice.  First off, let me say, these two items you have guarded are not “Stupid dang things”.  They are cherished items with which I pursue and slay the very beasts that wish to turn your lovely buxom body into charcoal.  If it weren’t for such treasures as my Cash and my Account,  perhaps your father and mother would not have been around to make you.  Secondly I know not of what you speak, CAD!  And thirdly, I am a gentleman of gentlemen and wish to THANK YOU Very Kindly for guarding my Cash and my Account while I was out checking on Something and only now are getting back.

There you go again, Sir Butt!  She angrily said.  Making a CAD out of yourself again.  Trying to make me think you stepped out and are just now getting back.  Proof positive just what kind of man you truly are, and to think I had almost fallen for you and your gentlemanly ways…YOU CAD!

Merrily Buxum, I must be going to save some travelers who are about to enter a Dragon Ambush and only I can stop the onslaught of their demise.  I am the one who named them both and I am the only one who can keep their names alive.  Please tell me what CAD means so I can be on my way.  Says Sir Butt.

I’ve had it up to here with you Sir Butt!  She said, as she raised her flattened palm up to about her chin, and to where Sir Butt did not see it end.  I’ll tell you what CAD means and when it is invented and printed for everyone to see, your picture will be placed right along side the written meaning.  “C” stands for Churl, “A” for Albeit and “D” for  Dastard!  And in a nutshell it means you are a scumbag, scoundrel, no good, deceiving, lying, knave, rotten ,bounder, heel, cur dog!!!

Glad to be on his way

After leaving the tavern and the beauty of Merrily Buxum, who was showing another side of her beautiful self, he mounted up on Something and off they went toward the narrows of the trail ahead of  Lucky Man and Right Hand Man.  He has to arrive at that spot long before they do in order to rid the area of any and all dragons.  Especially any three headed ones that like to hang out in and around the underbrush and rock cliffs found there.

Why is it that Sir Butt feels he needs to save these two men?  Why is he so concerned?  Any travelers along that trail could be coming through there and be turned to charcoal and he would never know it.  So why these two men?

It is a matter of principle for one thing.  Sir Butt told them he would be there to make sure he did all he could to rid the area of dangers that might be laying there in wait for their passage.  For a knight to make a promise and not follow through is a very big disgrace and dishonor to his knighthood.  So for that alone he must go and clear the area of villainous foul mouthed beasts.  But there is more!  He is like a father to these two men.  After all, there own fathers only partly did their job of naming them and so, since he partook of the part of naming them both, he becomes the surrogate father to them.  A role he highly prides himself with.  Especially since he has never been married nor had children that he knows of.

Arriving at the Narrows

Galloping down the trail toward the Narrows, Sir Butt passes a small camp on the side of the trail some several miles before the Narrows.  It is very early in the morning and he has been riding for several days straight without stopping to eat or sleep.  He knows this camp to be that of the two travelers, Lucky Man and Right Hand Man as he recognizes the two steeds hobbled near by.  He feels his pride swell up as he passes the camp, knowing that he is now ahead of the men and just a short distance from the Narrows.

Sir Butt slows Something’s gait, and then slows it again to a walk.  Something has been running for quite some time and needs a break to relieve himself and he lets Sir Butt know exactly what needs to be done.

Gathering himself up off the ground, after being thrown from the back of Something, he cusses under his breath about the steed. He approaches Something and grabs the dangling reigns.  There is a huge puddle of water all around the steed and Something looks very happy indeed, as he tosses his head in a nodding fashion, while looking at Sir Butt.  Sir Butt even thinks he sees a smile on the steeds lips, but chooses to ignore the look and he mounts up and kicks the steed in the loins.  Down the trail they proceed.

The Narrows are just ahead and Sir Butt is on alert.  He checks to make certain Cash is at the ready, pulling it out of his Account and touching the blade against his cheek.  It is as sharp as ever and ready for action, should action be needed.  Then Cash is put back into his Account and they ride on.

The Narrows is a darkened environment even at mid day when the sun is directly overhead.  The trail is just as wide through the Narrows as it is anywhere else, but the tall trees that tower above the trail form a canopy of shade like none other in all of Common Ground.  There is a thick growth of underbrush as well, that only grows where there is a lot of shade and moist earth.  Add to that the rock cliffs that also form the Narrows and there you have a perfect lair for beasts of destruction to live and haunt.

Sir Butt is on full alert to spot any dangers ahead, along side or from behind, but so is his trusty steed, Something.  There is an inborn sense that Something has that tells him when danger lurks and being between Sir Butt’s legs, it is easy for Something to let Sir Butt know he is sensing danger.  Something will somehow shrink up and that lets Sir Butt know that some danger is near at hand.

Sir Butt gets a feeling that somewhere, some evil, or perhaps not evil, is watching him riding along.  He clasps the guard of Cash but does not withdraw it from his Account.  He rides slowly on into the darkness of the Narrows.

It progressively gets darker and darker as they ride down into the Narrows and the underbrush is dark and thick, unlike the last time Sir Butt was in this part of Common Ground.  The air is heavy and humid and smells of dragons from the past.  There are never any breezes or winds in the Narrows to clear the air and the smells get trapped.  Travellers  passing through there always speed up their steeds gaits to get through there as quickly as they can to avoid the rotting smells deep in the hollow of the Narrows.

These smells makes is harder for Sir Butt to detect the odor of a dragon.  Dragons have an odor like nothing else and you can almost see the stench emanating from their scaled bodies.  Dragons can not relieve themselves after eating, and whatever they have eaten rots inside their carcass and permeates the dragons body from the inside out.  Disgusting to say the least.

Sir Butt rides on ever so slowly.  Something has shrunken which is telling Sir Butt there is danger around them someplace.  Sir Butt is looking all around as they ride; ahead, now to the right, now behind.  NO, NO now to the Left!  Was that a sound?  Sir Butt brings Something to a standstill.  Silence.  Nothing.  No stirring bush.  No growling.  No heavy breathing.  Absolutely quiet.  After looking all around them, he again lightly taps Something on the loins and they begin to move down the trail once more.

Suddenly they find themselves at the very lowest point in the Narrows, which happens to also be the darkest, dampest and stinkiest part.  It’s a gag fest between Sir Butt and Something as they hurry through this part of the Narrows and begin their assent out of the depths.  It is still very dark and damp and smelly, but at least not as horrid as the very bottom.  Sir Butt reminds himself that it was not too long ago he slayed a three headed dragon down in that part of the Narrows and it is most likely the rotting decaying dragon parts that is making that part of the Narrows so smelly.  He thinks to himself that there should be a clean up crew following behind him to clean up some of the messes he creates.  But that is just a passing thought.

Sir Butt Turns Around

It did not take Sir Butt long to decide to turn back and try and intercept Lucky Man and Right Hand Man.  Something spun on a farthing and off and down into the darkness they went.  This time Sir Butt was in a bit of a hurry, both to get through the ever so thick and stinking bottom of the Narrows and to intercept his traveling friends before they got too deep into the Narrows.

They galloped through the darkest of the Narrows rather quickly and started the ascent up the other side.  Just past the very bottom of the Narrows as they sped by, Sir Butt saw one head of a three headed dragon peering over the edge of a short cliff on his right.  As he passed, the head ducked back down and Sir Butt knew just what he had to do.  He continued up the trail until he intercepted the travelers on their decent into the darkness of the Narrows.

Sir Butt Gives a Lesson

As Sir Butt begins to explain about three headed dragons and how they expend their resources on creating the fire that eventually fry’s up men and horses and such, the horses the men are on are resting.  Standing on three legs and swatting at the fly’s on their rear ends with their half braided tails.

The tail end of Sir Butt’s explanation goes like this: …..and with that having been done, the beast devourers the charcoal remains of the two men and the two horses and all the gear they had in their possession.

Holy BeJeasus Sir Butt!  I had no idea!  Responded Right Hand Man with a gasp, while holding his left hand over his heart.   I knew you had no idea by the comment you made about the flying dragons.  Said Sir Butt.  In addition, I don’t think your mothers male friend liked you very much and that is why he told you there were flying dragons.  Added Sir Butt, not afraid to speak his mind.  I’ll have to think about what you just said about my mothers male friend Sir Butt.  Exclaimed Right Hand Man.

As for now, we must make a plan to rid the trail of that three headed dragon.  Said Sir Butt in an “inclusive” sort of way.  What do you mean by “We”, Sir Butt?  Asked Lucky Man.  Well, gentlemen, perhaps it is time for the two of you to actually see a real three headed dragon and perhaps even see how the slaying of it is done.  I have never had an audience while slaying a dragon and now is a perfect time.  Said Sir Butt .  But, but, but, what if we get fried while watching?  What if the beast takes you down and fries you and then comes for us?  What if your superb abilities to slay dragons goes array an it kills you?  What if…….and at that Sir Butt interrupts Right Hand Man with:  That is not going to happen Right Hand Man.  Trust me!  Said Sir Butt.  In a sheepish soft voice Lucky Man said, But Sir Butt I HAVE seen a three headed dragon before.  Don’t you remember my story the day you named me?  AH YES!  Thanks for reminding me.  But to see two three headed fire breathing dragons in one lifetime is a real pleasure indeed.  Besides to have the two of you witness the beheading of a three headed dragon by the best of the best, dragon slayer of dragon slayers, would add credibility to your lives and make the wenches in the taverns swoon over you like the flies on our steeds behinds!  You would like that now would you not?  Exclaimed Sir Butt.

The Plan is spelled out

Gentlemen, have you ever been down this trail through the Narrows?  Asked Sir Butt.  Never.  They both responded in unison.  I thought not, because you could have chosen another route to your Point B had you known about the Narrows.  Only fools take this route.  Said Sir Butt.  But we are here now and it is the shortest route to your Point B at this time and there is no sense turning back. Continued Sir Butt.  And he went on to explain:  The trail descends down about 3 miles, continuing to darken as the depth increases.  We will still be able to see just fine, but the humidity will rise a great deal, as does the coolness of the bottom.  Once you are down there you will be as cool as you will ever be in this mortal life.  BUT, I might add, the stench is nearly unbearable, what with old rotting dragon carcasses of my past and all.  Right Hand Man interrupts,  Do you not have some people picking up after you when you slay these dragons Sir Butt?  No I do not! Replied Sir Butt.  Would you like the job?  He added.  Pehaps, Sir Butt, but first let’s see how this slaying goes.  Right Hand Man said.

Please try not to interrupt me until I am fully finished with the plan, gentlemen.  Said Sir Butt and he continued:  The dragon is hiding on the left side of the trail just about to the bottom but not quite.  There is a short cliff of rocks about this tall (and he used his hand to show the cliff height to be about mid way up Somethings side).  Behind that short rock outcropping is another higher cliff and the dragon is between the two cliffs laying in some short undergrowth.  Three headed dragons are noted for their abilities to leap out with the top half of their bodies and fry their victims before the victim knows they are a victim.  Lucky Man is  a Lucky Man because the dragon was caught off guard when he approached and he leaped out behind Lucky Man and did not get the frying done before Lucky Man escaped.  That only happens once in a dragons life.  Now then back to the plan.

We are going to ride into the depths of the Narrows in single file.  I will take the lead.  Which of you has any sort of weapon?  Asked Sir Butt.  Neither of us has a weapon.  Said Lucky Man.  Good!  Exclaimed Sir Butt.  I would have had to take it from you.

As we approach the spot where the dragon is laying in wait, I will withdraw Cash from my Account.  This will be your clue to heel your steeds in the loins and ride as fast as possible passed me and down into the bottom of the Narrows.  When you get to the bottom of the Narrows you are to halt your travel and quickly turn your steeds around and watch the action of Sir Butt slaying the three headed dragon.  You will really like the show and when it is over and we are clearly out of the Narrows instead of an applause of gratitude, please just throw coins a plenty at my feet.  I thank you in advance.

The Dragon in the bowels of the Narrows

The three men move out and are walking their steeds slowly down the trail to the bottom of the Narrows.  It gets darker and darker as they approach the bottom.  The time of day is after the middle of the afternoon and the sunshine is not shining directly down into the Narrows.  The shadows of the trees are getting longer and themens overall  ability to see is hampered by the darkness.

Again, as before, Something begins to quiver and shrink as they are approaching the cliffs on the left.  Sir Butt believes he can see an eye from one of the heads peering over the top of the lowest rock ledge, but is not quite certain that it is what he sees.  They continue to ride forward and suddenly Sir Butt sees the eye blink and then disappear from sight.  As quick as a linx cat, he draws Cash for his Account and waves it high into the air.  The time has come to lop off some heads and he stands tall in his saddle.  That is the signal for the other two to heel their own steeds in the flanks and bust down the trail at full speed.  And they do and they pass Sir Butt like he is standing still.  Of course that is exactly what he is doing.

Down the trail they ride as fast as they can, one behind the other.  When they got about 10 feet in front of Sir Butt he kicked Something in the flanks and down he went behind the other two.  Full speed ahead as they galloped.  The two ahead of Sir Butt were laying low against their steeds necks as they went, but Sir Butt was still standing upright and angling Something toward the left side of the trail.  The Dragon is up and all three heads are looking at the two riders with content.  Their meal awaits!  But before either of the three heads decides it is going to do the fire breathing, Sir Butt is on them and with a mighty swoop of Cash, off goes not one but two of the heads!  Plop Plop!!!

Sir Butt is quite amazed at this feat, as that has never happened to him before!  He rides past the beast and once out of fire breathing range, he pulls the reigns tight on Something and turns his head to go back up the trail and fight the last of the three heads.

As he and Something are catching their breath, the dragon is doing the same and it sucks in a huge amount of air and blows it out with the fury of a volcano erupting!  Sir Butt has never seen such a display of fire coming from a dragons mouth before.  And no sooner did the dragon do that, It sucked in another breath and breathed it the same as the breath before.  Scorching all of the plants and ground between Sir Butt and itself!  Sir Butt says out loud, Holy Chit Man, that guy is not a happy one!  And Something paws the ground in agreement.

Much Fanfare

While Sir Butt in engaged in the short battle with the three headed dragon, Lucky Man and Right Hand Man are watching in ahh.  (Actually they are watching in the bottom of the Narrows and not in ahh.  Ahh is just a figure of speech).  Their mouths are agape as Sir Butt takes the two heads off with one mighty sweep of Cash!  Of course as they are watching this all unfold before their wide eyes, they do not know that Sir Butt is also surprised by the two head decapitation move he had just performed.  But they will never know that.

When the second head hit the ground with a thud, Right Hand Man let out a loud yell of approval for the move.  AHHHHHHHHHHHH YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!  Which literally translates to “Way to go Sir Butt”!  As Sir Butt spun Something around and charged back toward the beast the two on lookers thought it was going to be the end of Sir Butt for certain.  The beast had just let out two ferocious blasts of noxiously infernal  displays of fire power and was preparing for a third as Sir Butt closed the gap between him and the ugly beast.  They both closed their eyes at the thought of Sir Butt and Something becoming just a pile of charcoal scattered on the ground.  But not hearing the ferocious roar,  no feeling the intensity of the fires blast, they opened their eyes just in time to see Sir Butt remove Cash from the chest of the beast and swing Cash up and right.  And time seemed to slow as Cash came down on the back of the beasts neck and sliced through that thick scaly skin like it was nothing.  They were both in a state of shock and amazement as the third head came thumping down onto the ground at Somethings feet.  At that they both spontaneously yelled a triumphant….AHHHHHHHHHHHH  YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  CCCAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!  Which literally translates to “Way to go Sir Butt and Cash”!

Sir Butt turns to the beheaded beasts body laying there in the deep grass at the bottom of the Narrows and raises Cash high over his head and says loudly , Let this be a lesson to all you three headed fire breathing dragon beasts that call this place your home!  Your days are numbered just like this one that lies here today!  I now place Cash in my Account and the next time Cash is drawn from my Account it might be your heads that are about to come off!!!!

And with that, Sir Butt puts Cash back into his Account and turns towards the two men waiting at the bottom of the Narrows.  As he approaches the two of them, he heels Something in the flanks and rides quickly past the two of them and on up the trail.  Puzzled by Sir Butt’s quick move to ride out, they too turn their steeds and heel them in the flanks to follow Sir Butt up  the trail to the other side of the Narrows.  They ride quickly until they have completely ridden out of the Narrows and are away from  that hideous place.

Sir Butt halts Something at the top and turns toward the two men following him.  Sir Butt is wearing a grin like he had never grinned before.  He knows the feat that he just accomplished was witnessed by these two and he is in all his glory to hear about how well he did.  Sir Butt loves attention and he is about to receive some of the best he has ever gotten.  He is the bravest of the brave!  The dragon slayer like none other in all of Common Ground.  All the people of Common Ground love him and he knows it, but he needs constant feedback and praise in that regard.

Pulling their steeds to a halt, one on either side of Sir Butt.  Lucky Man asks, Sir Butt, why in Common Ground did you hurry so quickly out of the bottom of the Narrows.  We were wishing to congratulate you on that fine dispatching job on that dragon.  My dear men, started Sir Butt, did you not smell the retched stench down there?  It almost crawls on you.   I was about to hurl big chunks of whatever all about down there, I had to get up here for some good air to breath.  That being said, they both remove their hats and bowed towards him, nearly in unison.  I commend you Sir Butt on such a fine display of bravery and skills!  Said Lucky Man, the only known survivor of a three headed dragon attack.  I too salute your abilities and bravery, Sir Butt, a finer display of dragon dispatch could not have been done!  Said Right Hand Man.  Well, well!  Said Sir Butt adding, I could not have done it without your help.  You see, the three heads were all watching the two of you as you galloped past, and by the time they realized I was fast approaching they could not react quickly enough and I was able to get in close and hack some heads.

Sir Butt, your bravery to get so close to that dragon was un human like!  Anyone can see the danger in that!  But it looked as if you were having fun!  Said Right Hand Man.  And then, when the dragon let out those two horrendous blasts of fire, you fearlessly charged right into its face like you do it every day.  Added Lucky Man.

Well gentlemen, started Sir Butt, I have been trained to know exactly when and where to attack three headed fire breathing dragons and I know everything about what they are thinking all of the time.  They are not as quick at thinking as I am and so I can lop off their heads rather easily.  Just like the two heads that came off on my first swing of Cash.  Nothing to it.  And if I could, I would do it every day, how about you Something?  Would you do it every day if you could?  And Something digs at the ground with his left front hoof in agreement.

Let me remind you gentlemen; on the other side of the Narrows and before we charged into battle with the three headed dragon I asked that the two of you skip all the clapping and back slapping and just to throw money at my feet.  I am looking down at my feet at this moment and I see not the first of coins.  Reminded Sir Butt.

And the men began to toss coins and toss coins they did until the ground around Sir Butt glistened in  the passing sunlight.

Sir Butt Goes His Own Way

The morning sun had already hit their bed rolls as they awoke.  Having slept longer than normal after such a day as the day before had been.  Lucky Man and Right Hand Man could not quit talking about Sir Butt and his bravery.  All of the twists and recounts of the days battle went on for hours.  And Sir Butt just listened and smiled.  He knew that by the time those two reached their Point B the true story would be so enlarged it would be quite unbelievable indeed.  But there was nothing he could do about it except agree with whatever they were saying.  He knows he is a hero.  He knows he is the bravest dragon slayer in all of Common Ground.  He just knows he knows and he knows everything!  Just ask.

I must be off.  Said Sir Butt to the other two men.  Whereforst are you going Sir Butt?  Ask Lucky Man.  Over there.  Responded Sir Butt as he pointed his finger to his left in a slight arc.  You two are going to continue on this trail until it splits and then take the trail to the right.  It will lead you right to your Point B.  You are still a few days ride away, but the path should be safe now.  Said Sir Butt.

Sir Butt mounted Something, checked on Cash and his Account with his left hand and said Ado!  Both men stood near and gave Sir Butt a heros salute as he rode off toward the sun.

Sir Butt was en route now to the top of the highest mountain around those parts of Common Ground.  Sir Butt likes to sit atop a high vantage point and look for evil and dangers below.  He lives for that sort of thing you know.  His quest in life is to make certain all travelers go from their Points A to their Points B in safety.  Sir Butt has even been known to stop storms from hitting travelers as they travel.  He can stop the howling winds and driving rains.  It never snows in Common Ground but I would venture to bet a Crown Piece he could stop that too.  The man is THAT good.

Traveling up the steepest part of the hill now, he is very near the top.  Something slips and goes down on his front legs.  Sir Butt steps off and Something stands.  The two of them walk side by side the rest of the way to the top.  Sir Butt sits at the very peak of that hill and begins his scan of the valleys below.  Beautiful and peaceful valleys in all directions.  He can see travelers coming and going about their business far below.  He can see distant traces of villages scattered about Common Ground and the hinterlands are filled with the beauty that abounds in the land.  The sun is high and warm.  He leans back against a rock and falls to sleep.  In the meantime, Something is busy munching the green grass found on the hill.  A very peaceful place for a nap.

Sir Butt dreams of the past few days events and then in his dream he recalls the words of Right Hand Man….”I finished my schooling in Metalurgy”.  He awakens with that thought still in his head.  What exactly did Right Hand Man mean when he said that, he wonders.  Could it be that he lived in Metalurgy and studied the mining ways?  Did he learn to turn the metal layden rock into pure metal?  Did he learn to cook for the miners and the rock smitters?  Just what was his schooling in Metalurgy?

Side note:  What is a rock smitter?  Ah Ha!  I thought you would never ask.  A rock smitter is one who yields a very large and heavy hammer and brings it down upon the rocks outer surface and causes it to break into a smittering of pieces.

These questions must be answered, otherwise there is a hidden answer to a question that someone may ask him some day and he will not be able to tell them the answer.  And since Sir Butt knows all, at this point, he doesn’t and he jumps to his feet.  All a bit beside himself at this point, he knows he must go, post haste to find Right Hand Man and get the answer to the question that is bouncing around in  Sir Butt’s head.  It just will not leave.  Like the tune from a song it just keeps playing in his head and is about to drive him out of his ever loving mind.  Of course a lot of folks say he lost his mind some while back, but that is probably another story.

With Something between his legs Sir Butt is off

Sir Butt is traveling as fast as Something will allow.  Galloping down the mountain side from which they ascended just a few hours before.  Sir Butt is preoccupied with the question that continually runs through his head.  He is not watching the trail ahead, he is trusting Something to do that, suddenly Sir Butt is knocked off his horse and onto the ground…KATHUMP!  Something realizes the weight loss and halts his advance and turns around to go back to Sir Butt.  A tree branch has swept Sir Butt right off the back of Something and onto the ground.  He gathers himself up, checks his Cash and Account and remounts Something.  I must be more careful.  He mutters aloud.  And heels  Something in the flanks and they continue their way down the trail.

Sir Butt is now well aware of his environment as he does not want another unsuspecting dismount to happen.  He is ducking left and right the branches that would otherwise knock him for a loop.  And on they go toward the trail from the Narrows.

They soon arrive at the trail where they left Lucky Man and Right Hand Man standing.  Of course there is no one there and after a brief pause to let Something  do his thing, so to speak,  they  hasten the pace up the trail in the direction away from the Narrows.  Sir Butt is no longer in such a great hurry, but they are moving at a pretty good gait.  He knows they will catch up with the two men in a short time.  He also knows they are not in a big hurry themselves, still having several days travel ahead of them before they reach their Point B.  Sir Butt begins to look around at the beautiful country side as they travel along.  It has been a very long time since he last visited this particular part of Common Ground.  It is as pretty as he remembered.

REMEMBERED?  Oh my, his mind suddenly goes back to the questions about Right Hand Man and the lack of the answer has him again puzzling his own self esteem.  He does NOT KNOW EVERYTHING!  And that is a maddening thing for him to think about. Sir Butt has always known everything, but now he doesn’t and he just has to have the answer quickly.   He will not be able to sleep until he does!

In the trail ahead come three travelers.  One on horseback the other two walking.  Something is drawn to a halt by Sir Butt before they get to within talking distance.  Sir Butt knows they must speak to the travelers, it is the custom of Common Ground to do so.  Sir Butt is also afraid he will be asked a question and perhaps he won’t know the answer to it.  He is again beside himself.  One of him says it will be alright, how could they ask him about Right Hand Man and his education.  The other of him says, turn and ride to the fork in the road and hide from them, they will ask you about Right Hand Man for sure.  What to do?  What to do?  A decision is made without a decision being made, as the travelers are now within talking distance.  Sir Butt is trapped!  His own decision making process has been crashed down upon him and now he is faced with just what might be his total undoing!  His reputation is about to be dashed.  And after such a momentous occasion just the day before too.

Good day sir!  Said one of the foot travelers.  Good Day right back at you.  Said Sir Butt, all confident like.  It looks like you are having a most splendid day.  Said the riding traveler.  I am having almost the most wonderful day of my life.  Responded Sir Butt and then he added, Wherest are thou heading.  Well we are heading to Point B, of course.  Said the second walking traveler.  And wherest be that Point?  Asked Sir Butt.  Over there!  Said the horse rider, as he pointed his index finger high and down in an arc.  Oh, I see!  Said Sir Butt.  You should make it there by tomorrow evening.  He continued.  And then added, I must be off, I have travelers ahead I must catch up with.  Oh do you mean Right Hand Man and Lucky Man?  Said the first foot traveler.  We just left them after a very long conversation.  Said the other foot traveler.  By chance are you Sir Butt?  Asked the horseman.  That be me, one and the same!  Said Sir Butt as he pushed out his chest.  Oh, we heard such a wonderful tale of your skills, bravery and cunningness, Sir Butt.  Can you add any more to the story they told us?  Said and asked the second foot traveler.  Nothing to add, I’m sure they told you every detail of the event and then some.  They didn’t mention anything about a flying dragon did they?  Sir Butt said and asked with a smile.

Sir Butt asked that question to throw the conversation off in another direction so that he might escape the inevitable question everyone asks about this time in the conversation.  That question is:  You are the smartest man around, you know everything don’t you?  He knows he can not answer that question with a yes, because HE knows HE DOES NOT KNOW EVERYTHING!!!

Sir Butt, started the man on the horse, You are the smartest man around, you know just how to kill a dragon don’t you?  Yes I do!  Smartly answered Sir Butt, again heaving his chest out with pride.  We have heard of you everywhere in Common Ground, Sir Butt.  Said the first foot traveler, and then he continued with, Is there anything you do not know?  My good man, I thank you for asking me that question.  Sir Butt responded with a very much relieved breath.  Not every man knows everything even if they think they do.  Not even I, the almost all knowledgeable one!  The Bravest of the Brave.  The dragon slayer of dragon slayers.  Not even I know it all.  The man on the horse says, Sir Butt, it is getting late and we must travel some before we set up camp for the night.  It was our pleasure to speak with such a man of your stature and eloquence.  Our humbleness thanks you!

Sir Butt catches up

As Sir Butt rides on, he sees his two companions from the day before up ahead sauntering along.  And so Sir Butt slows his pace.  He does not want them to suspect anything about him meeting back up with them.  Only that he had a change of plans and found himself on the same trail as they were on.  Something knows that Sir butt has this in mind and starts to drag his hoofs in the trail and causing a dust.  Something likes to make Sir Butt nervous and so he does things like this.  Something has surprises up his hock all the time and Sir Butt is never really surprised when Something pulls off a prank such as the one he is pulling at this time.  Sir Butt just accepts the dust as part of the days activities.  His main concern is learning what Right Hand Man meant by what he said.

As Sir Butt and Something approach the two travelers ahead Lucky Man turns his head and sees Sir Butt behind them and tells Right Hand Man that.  They both halt their progress and turn their steeds back toward the trail on which they came.  Sir Butt advances.

Hay Ho!  Sir Butt!  Yells Right Hand Man!   YO!  Cries back Sir Butt.  To what pleasure do you return to our traveling ways, Sir Butt?  Asks Lucky Man.  Oh, nothing really.  Answers Sir Butt.  I decded your Point B should be mine as well and turned around  before I got to my then Point B and commenced to come to your Point B, which is now my Point B.  One and the same.  We are fortunate indeed to have you as company with us Sir Butt.  Said Lucky Man.  I have been traveling fast to get to here from whenst I left and am in need of some drink, by chance do either of you have some ail?  Asks Sir Butt.  I do Sir Butt, but it is a bit weak.  Answered Right Hand Man.  That would be fine for a beggar.  Answered Sir Butt.  Beggar you are NOT Sir Butt, you are the bravest of the lot here in Common Ground.  It is my pleasure to share my meager ail.  Answered Right Hand Man.  Here, he adds, Take it and drink all to your hearts desire.  I thank you most kindly my good man!  Answers Sir Butt.

And Sir Butt takes the ail and it is satisfying beyond his imagination.  What is in this potion that quenches his thirst so very much?  Again Sir Butt is beside himself with such puzzlement.  One side saying it is just that he is so dehydrated it has gone straight to his head, while the other is saying it is a magic potion that he should avoid in the future.  No matter the reason, he is satisfied and life again is as good as it gets.

Again I thank you Right Hand Man!  Says Sir Butt.  Do you make this ail yourself or does someone else make it for you?  Asks Sir Butt.  It’s a combination of the two.  Answers Right Hand Man.  A good friend makes a part of it, and I add that to my part of it.  Together it turns out quite delicious if I do say so myself, which I just did.  The two parts compliment themselves into a fine mix of delightful pleasure and thirst quenching qualities that can only be found in this ail alone.  None other like it anywhere in Common Ground.  I know this for a fact because I have tasted ALL of the other ails in Common Ground and this one is the only one of its kind.  Boasts Right Hand Man.  Well it certainly does quench ones thirst and it certainly brings a delightful pleasure in partaking of it.  I would like to know what the ingredients are for my own knowledge.  Says Sir Butt.  I am willing to tell you what is in my part of it, Sir Butt, but I can not tell you what is in the other part, because I don’t know!  Answers Right Hand Man.  I should like to know what is in your part.  Says Sir Butt.  That is easy.  Says Right Hand Man.  It’s the water!  Plain and simple.  But it’s the water that only comes from the spring in Metalurgy.  Responds Right Hand Man.  Well, well.  Says Sir Butt.  Is the person that makes the other part living in Metalurgy at this time?  Asks Sir Butt.  Yes she is!  Answers Right Hand Man.  Very Well.  Said Sir Butt.

By the way Right Hand Man, you said once that you were from Metalurgy yourself.  Is that true?  Says and asks Sir Butt.  Right you are.  Responds Right Hand Man.  Continuing he adds;  As you know, Sir Butt, there are only two ways to get inside the walls surrounding Metalurgy.  One is to be born within its boundaries and the other is by special invitation.  The special invitation was how you yourself was allowed inside the walls.  How do you know I was ever inside the walls of Metalurgy, Right Hand Man?  Asks Sir Butt.  Ha!  Ha!  Laughs Right Hand Man with a large grin.  It was I that was the final convincing person stating that you should be invited into the city.  You see, I was a part of a very special team of men extracting the metal from the rock found in the mine there.  This special rock is known to contain some of the most precious metal in all of Common Ground.  Even more special than most of the metal found in Metalurgy’s mine which is of the finest quality, but this is even of finer quality.  Answers Right Hand Man.  But my invitation was from the owner of Metalurgy.  Says Sir Butt.  Yes, it was his hand writing on the invitation, but it was from our special team that we convinced him you needed to be invited inside the walls.  Responded Right Hand Man.  It was from my insistent urging that he was finally convinced.  Infact I was so insistent with my urging that they created a new decree and gave that special decree to me, naming me a “Metal Urgist” and they then allowed me to leave Metalurgy on my own accord.  I can come and go as I please.  And that is how I come to this place.  Answered Right Hand Man with a long breath.

Sir Butt is Beside Himself Again

Sir Butt has learned the lesson of Right Hand Man and has the answers to his questions resolved.  He is relaxed once again and all confident that he is all knowledgeable.  He knows all!  Still inquisitive about the invitation he received from the owner of the Metalurgy mine however, and so he continues to converse with Right Hand Man about the event.

Tell me Right Hand Man.  States Sir Butt.  What was the special team all about that you were a part of?  He asks.  Right Hand Man begins his answer:  We had discovered a vein of metal like none other in the mine.  The metal that was extracted was ten fold harder than the metal from the other portion of the mine.  We had to develop a way to extract it from the mine, smitten it, melt it down and then make items from it.  It took us several eons to do this, but when we were done, we had just enough to make the sword that you have on your side.  He said.  Do you mean to tell me this sword I call Cash is made from that special metal and that it is the only one of its kind?  Asked Sir butt.  Yes it is!  And it took the team of us quite some time to get it into the shape it is and to fine hone the edge.  There is nothing in Common Ground that can dull its sharp edge.  Explained Right Hand Man.  Continuing, he said, Once we had the sword made we knew that it should be presented to the best of the best!  The dragon slayer of dragon slayers.  And that you were the only one fitting that description.  We knew that if you came into Metalurgy and visited that we could present that sword to you and it would make you the proudest man in all of Common Ground.  And that because you are not a selfish man, you would do even more to make this land safer for the travelers.  And I am here to witness your battle yesterday with that fact, and concur without a shadow of doubt that we chose the right man for the receipt of that sword.

Holy Chit!  You are about to make tears come from my eyes.  Said Sir Butt.  But then, why should I think I am not worthy?  I am the most worthy of all!  I am the bravest of the brave!  The dragon slayer of all dragon slayers and this sword I call Cash makes me even more deserving to be called such!  I AM THE ALL KNOWING!  Continued Sir Butt.

Sir Butt Realizes another UNKNOWN

The three travelers, Sir Butt, Lucky Man and Right Hand Man continue their journey to their destination, Point B.  How much farther is Point B?  Asks Sir Butt.  Not too far now.  Just over there.  Says Lucky Man with a point in the direction and a very low arc.  I see.  Said Sir Butt.  One more night stay on the trail and by evening next, we should be arriving.  He added.  Yes, you are correct.  Replied Lucky Man.

Later that evening as they lay with their heads on their skivvy bags trying to sleep, Sir Butt realizes one more time that he does not know everything.  This time he is not so bothered by it and is able to finally go to sleep.  The next morning it is the first thing on his mind.  He mulls the question in his mind, without letting the others know he is being bothered by his own thoughts.  Conversations continue as would normally happen as they eat and prepare to mount up for the last leg of their destination to Point B.

Good morning!  Says Sir Butt to the other two.  Good morning!  The others say one at a time.  Would anyone care for some blood pudding jerky?  Asks Sir Butt.  Not I.  Said Right Hand Man.  Would you care for some of my hard roll raisin dungeon bread?  He adds.  HMMM!  Says Sir Butt, I have heard that is quite good.  Oh yes, it is very good.  Adds Right Hand Man.  I’ll take some of your Jerky.  Says Lucky Man.  And Sir Butt gives him a large chunk.  Meanwhile, Right Hand Man is slicing off a piece of his dungeon bread for Sir Butt.  Handing him the bread, Sir Butt says, Thank you!  Enjoy it Sir Butt.  Says Right Hand Man, then continues, you are very welcome my friend.  They are all munching away on their selected breakfast items and slugging down hot lamb broth that was prepared when they first got awake.  This bread is very delicious Right Hand Man.  Says Sir Butt.  I knew you would like it if you ever tasted it.  Responded Right Hand Man.  I have known about the making of such bread, but until now had never had the opportunity to partake of it.  Said Sir Butt.  It goes very well with the lamb broth as well.  He added.  Indeed it does.  Responded Right Hand Man.

Soon they were finished with their breakfast and were sitting upon their respective steeds.  Whom would like to lead the way?  Asks Sir Butt.  I shall lead this final leg of our journey.  Responded Lucky Man in a hurried voice.  And they commenced to travel.  Sir Butt and Right Hand Man are riding side by side, with of course Right Hand Man on Sir Butts right side.  Sir Butt brings up the subject of the ail he drank the day before.

That was some pretty good ail you gave me yesterday.  Said Sir Butt.  I’m glad you liked it Sir Butt and if I had more it would be a pleasure to grant you another taste, but that was the last of the lot I brought on this journey with me.  Responded Right Hand Man.  Tell me again about the part that someone else makes and you add your special water to.  Inquisitively says Sir Butt.  Well sir, it is like I said before.  Started Right Hand Man.  I get that part from my friend and then I add just the right amount of the special water that is only found in Melalurgy.  I do not know what is in the part she supplies me, all I know is it sure makes the ail taste good and with a bit of a buzz I might add.  An absolute buzz for certain my man.  Said Sir Butt with a grin.  Do you think your friend would share her secret with me?  Asked Sir Butt.  I don’t rightly know Sir Butt, said Right Hand Man, but if you are ever in Metalurgy, please look me up and we will go over to her place and I will introduce you to her.  She is quite a beautiful young wench and never been married.  I will do that.  Said Sir Butt.

Point B is reached

Late in the afternoon of this traveling day they could see the village ahead which is their destination.  They have finally reached their Point B!  They are very much relieved.  Especially Lucky Man!  They enter the village and Sir Butt and Right Hand Man proceed directly to the tavern.  The tavern happens to be in the exact center of the village.  And you might want to note this in case of a test, the taverns are always in the center of every village in all of Common Ground.  After all, it is the meeting place of all the fine gentlemen and wenches and ladies that inhabit the village.  If it weren’t in the center of the village some folks living on the edge would have to walk or ride farther than the ones living on the other edge.  Anyone should be able to see the unfairness of that arrangement.

As the two approach the tavern, Lucky Man is going on down the trail through the center of the village.  Lucky Man!  Yells out Sir Butt.  Drinks are on me!  Sir Butt!  Yells back Lucky Man.  My home is in this village, and I have been away from my woman for many months.  I believe this is Lucky Man’s Lucky Day!  And he continues to ride off toward his home.

Well, Lucky Man most certainly should get lucky tonight.  Said Right Hand Man.  Right O.  Said Sir Butt.  As for us, let me buy you a drink!  Continued Sir Butt.  At your pleasure Sir Butt.  Responded Right Hand Man.

Inside the tavern there were many, many folks from the village.  The two men were greeted heartedly by all the folks there and everyone was happy and talking and having a good old time indeed.  Sir Butt and Right Hand Man stepped to the bar and were served a most excellent grog mug of ail!  They toasted the event and chugged down the drink!  It was good and they smiled as they lowered the empty mugs and asked for another!  That is pretty good ail there Right Hand Man.  Said Sir Butt, and then added, But nothing compared to yours!  It sure makes the dust settle in a mans throat after a long day of traveling.  Said Right Hand Man.  It certainly does.  Replied Sir Butt.  And they slugged down that mug of ail almost as fast as the first one.  MMMMMM!

Well from an outsiders perspective the two of them are pitching down those ails one after another with each one getting a little slower to go down than the one before it.  And the one after is a bit slower than the one that was just been drank.  And this goes on and on for several hours.  Pretty soon the two are leaning hard against the bar just holding onto the handle of the mug and sipping once in a great while.

Well!  Said Sir Butt in a bit of a slurred voice.  I must tell you of my observation just now.  He added and then turned slightly toward Right Hand Man.  Right Hand Man turns slightly toward Sir Butt so as the two can make eye contact.  Right Hand Man knows that Sir Butt is about to embellish him with some vast knowledge of his and he does not want to miss out on the lesson.  Right Hand Man staggers a bit backward as he turns but manages to catch himself with the hand that does not hold the mug.

What I have observed my dear Right Hand Man is this.  Exclaims Sir Butt and he goes on.  We came in here and got ourselves a really nice mug of ail and drank it very fast and it was good and it settled the dust.  Then we got ourselves another and drank it down almost as quickly as the first one and it too was good and it washed down more dust.  Then we had the man get us a third mug of ail and we drank it down, but it was drank much slower than the first two.  While we drank that we had ourselves a little conversation.  Then we ordered up another.  This one took longer yet to drink and we engaged in even more conversation than before.  Well, now look at us.  We are doing much more talking than we are drinking.  Let me ask you Right Hand Man.  Can you pinpoint what my point is with all of this?  HMMM?

Right Hand Man puts down his mug and rubs his forehead with the hand that held the mug.  Still holding onto the bar with the other hand so as not to fall.  No sir.  Said Right Hand Man, I can not think of what your point is with this Sir Butt.

Well, let me tell you Right Hand Man, said Sir Butt , and he went on,  It is what I call the Law of Diminishing Returns.  The Law of what?  Asked Right Hand Man.  The Law of Diminishing Returns.  Sir Butt explained.  Let me show you how it works.  We drank ail and it was very good.  Then we dank more ail and it was good, but not very good.  Then we drank ail and it too was good but not as good as good nor as good as very good.  Then we drank more ail and it too was good, but not as good as good or good or good or very good.  And finally we dank more ail and it still is good, because it is still in our mugs, but it’s not as good as good or good or good or good or very good.  Now is it?

Oh yes, I see your point exactly Sir Butt.  Responded Right Hand Man.  You are certainly a wealth of knowledge.  Do you make these things up Sir Butt?

Wenches abound

With Sir Butt standing alone at the bar and his friend Right Hand Man down and out on the floor, Sir Butt suddenly finds himself surrounded by beautiful wenches.  They are all touching his large muscular forearms and his broad shoulders.  One even touched his Cash and another asked about his Account.  Of course being the gentleman he is, he ordered them all up a mug of ail.  One did not want the ail, but asked if he would get her a large pickle from the jar behind the bar.  Of which he obliged quite willingly. She was the prettiest of the wenches, in his humble opinion.  He noticed how she would look him in the eye as she placed the pickle in her mouth and carefully bit down on it.  It took her a long time to finally eat it and he thought that to be quite strange indeed.  After all a pickle is a pickle is a pickle, just eat it for heavens sake.

His friend was groaning and finally waking up from his nap.  Sitting on the floor looking up at Sir Butt and his harem of wenches, he quickly rose and grasped the bar.  Smiling ever so intently at the wenches and eyeing each one up and down making sure he was seeing what he thought he was seeing.  Which of course he was seeing what he was seeing because he was seeing.  His mind was still numb from the law of whatever conversation that had preceded his nap and he was unable to converse with the wenches.  This made him uneasy and so he excused himself to the loft where the horses had been tethered.  Sir Butt stayed with the wenches.

Off to Point B,  Metalurgy

Several days pass as the two enjoy their stay in the village.  The people of the village continue to patronage them and their success in slaying the dragon down in the Narrows.  They held celebration after celebration and could not hear about how Sir Butt Slayed the dragon enough.  Lucky Man and Right Hand Man did all the talking and the people would cheer and cheer loudly and some even threw money at Sir Butts feet.  Sir Butt loved that part of it and he would swell up his chest and even draw Cash out of his Account and wave it about.  All in all it was a sight of sights and it could not have happened to three nicer men in all the land.  Of course Sir Butt explained the other two’s important role in defeating the fire breathing beast and that spurred the two of them into telling the tale to an even greater magnitude than it already was.

Early on the fifth day, Sir Butt arose and said it was time for him to go.  He explained to Right Hand Man that his next Point B was to be Metalurgy.  Right Hand Man was also thinking that Metalurgy would be his next Point B as well and the two of them decided that they would travel together.  A good idea, especially on the part of Right Hand Man, who did not have any means to defend himself, should the need arise.  They mounted their steeds and slipped out of Point A and on their way to Point B .  The night before, Sir Butt had told Lucky Man, that he planned on  leaving on the next morning and to thank the village people for their extreme hospitality and that he would never forget them as long as he lives.  Of course Lucky Man told the village people how grateful Sir Butt and Right Hand Man were to be treated like the best of the best that they were.

Metalurgy was quite some distance from Point A but it gave the two men time to really get to know each other.  You see, Sir Butt and Right Hand Man had only known each other for a few weeks.  As they traveled, however, their friendship became very strong indeed.  They had a lot in common in Common Ground.  They knew a lot of the same people, especially in the village of Metalurgy.  But they also knew scholars and trainers in other facets of their lives.

Riding along conversing about who knows what, Sir Butt suddenly throws up his right  hand in front of Right Hand Man, who has become accustomed to riding on Sir Butt’s  right side.  Halt!  Says Sir Butt in a rather low but firm voice.  Something is sensing danger and is shrinking.  He continued.  As he pulls back the reigns of Something.  They set on their steeds looking around for anything out of the ordinary.  Nothing do they see.  Sir Butt does not say anything, but he slightly heels Something and they begin to ride forward.  Right Hand Man stays back  about 10 feet and the two continue to travel along the trail at a slow pace.  Something is telling Sir Butt that there is some sort of danger in the trail, but he does not shrink like he did in the Narrows.  This is danger alright, but not like a three headed fire breathing dragon kind of danger.

Suddenly behind him Sir Butt hears Right Hand Man cry out in pain!  OUCH!  OUCH!  Sir Butt grabs for Cash and spins Something on a farthing expecting to face whatever was getting Right Hand Man.  What he sees is a very large gathering of Minute dragons dancing and biting at Right Hand Man and his steed.  The man and his steed are jumping left and right, up and down and Right Hand Man is yelling and trying to kick and hit the beasts with his boots and hands.  They have him out numbered by hundreds and  Sir Butt knows they need to get down the trail at a gallop most hurriedly now.

Sir Butt cries out to Right Hand Man, Heel your steed!  Heel your steed!  Down the trail!  We must get out of here now!  Go Right Hand Man!  And Right Hand Man hears what Sir Butt is yelling and he heels his steed and lays low against its neck and down the trail they go passing Sir Butt and Something as they go.  Sir Butt spins Something and heels his flanks and they too go galloping down the trail as fast as Something can go.  Behind them in the chase are hundreds of Minute dragons trying to catch up to them, but the steeds are much faster and the two men  on their steeds are miles ahead of the dragons when the dragons give up the chase.

They have given up the chase Right Hand Man!  Yells Sir Butt,  They have stopped chasing us!  You can reign in now!  Sir Butt yelled again.  And at that Right Hand Man pulls back on the reigns a bit and his steed begins to slow.  They travel quite some distance before Right Hand Man actually brings his steed to a halt and Sir Butt catches up to him.  Along side of Right Hand Man, Sir Butt looks at him and sees trickles of blood coming from his legs, arms, chest, back and neck.  Those little critters really got you didn’t they?  Said Sir Butt in an asking sort of way.  I could not believe how they were attacking me from all sides, top and bottom!  Said Right Hand Man.  That was the first time I have ever been attacked like that in my lifetime.  Added Right Hand Man.  I have had a couple encounters with them in my past ,but not like that.  We must have been close to their den.  He continued.  I suspect you are right about that, Right Hand Man.  Said Sir Butt.  We must tend to your wounds so that infection does not set in.  You have enough bites to be of much concern.  He continued.

What about the steed?  Minute dragons can not bite through hide as thick as a steed’s hide.  Only thin skinned animals and man.  Remember this fact, it might just be on your next test.

They settled in for the night along side the trail in a nice safe place out of view of anyone else traveling the trail.  Minute dragons are the only dragons that Sir Butt can not fight and win.  They swarm over their victims and bite and bite.  They are not big enough to stick with a sword and a boot and or a hand is about all that can smash them.  They are fragile little creatures and more of a pest than a big problem, but if enough of them bite you it can cause death.  Such is almost the case with Right Hand Man.

Sir Butt extracted medication from the foliage of the vines hanging around their camp and plastered each of the wounds on Right Hand Man with it.   Right Hand Man was grateful and  told Sir Butt he was.  And then he fell asleep.  The poison from the bites makes the victim tired.  Sir Butt tended to Right Hand Man all through the night and did not get any sleep himself, but when Right Hand Man awoke  the swelling in the bites had gone down to nearly nothing.  The pain has subsided to a dull ache and he felt hungry.  Another of the traits of the bites.  Sir Butt fed him Jerky and some of Right Hand Mans own bread.  He felt good enough to ride after a few hours.  We must go on our way, Sir Butt.  Said Right Hand Man.  I can not thank you enough for taking care of me like you did.  He continued and then he said, I owe you one Sir Butt.  It was nothing, Right Hand Man.  Said Sir Butt, You would have done the same for me.  I know nothing about medicines, Sir Butt.  Said Right Hand Man, I am not all knowledgeable like you are.  Let us go.  Said Sir Butt.  And at that they mounted their steeds and began slowly up the trail to their Point B.

How are you feeling now?  Asked Sir Butt, after about an hour of riding.  I have a few aches, but other than that the swelling is gone.  Replied Right Hand Man.  Good!  Said Sir Butt.  I think it is time I took a short nap as we ride.  Something will keep in the trail along side your steed.  There is no need to worry about him.  Continued Sir Butt and then he fell to sleep.

As they rode along, Right Hand Man had a lot to think about.  To arrive back at Metalurgy would be good for him.  He had been away for quite some time since being given the papers saying he was a Metal Urgist and then given the key to the gate outside.  It would be good to see the people from that village again.  His thoughts were on the young wench whom he received his ail portions from and how good she really looks.  It will be nice to see her again and of course to introduce her to Sir Butt and that maybe she will share her secret ingredients with.  He made his mind up he will do all he can to convince her to share the secret with Sir Butt.  After all he OWED Sir Butt for the care he gave him last night.

It was not long before Sir Butt woke and started looking around to make sure he knew where they were.  It’s been a very long time since I was in this part of Common Ground, my friend.  Said Sir Butt.  It’s quite a pretty place.  Said Right Hand Man.  Yes it is.  Replied Sir Butt.  There are no dragons living here.  Stated Sir Butt.  How do you know that?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Because dragons like deep grasses and under growth, rock outcroppings and deep dark stinking places like the Narrows.  This place has none of that.  Said Sir Butt.  This place would make a man a very nice place to live.  Said Sir Butt.  But villages are the place to live.  Replied Right Hand Man.  There are no places out here to purchase goods and ail.  He added.  You are so right.  Said Sir Butt.  But, the quiet and solitude of this place is appealing to me.  He added.  Not for me.  Exclaimed Right Hand Man.  I need wenches and ail.  Good food, entertainment and merriment.  He went on.  A solidtudinal life is not for me Sir Butt.  It takes all kinds to make up this here Common Ground my friend Right Hand Man, all kinds.  Responded Sir Butt.  Sir Butt, let me ask you, have you ever seen a solidtudinal man living away from a village, while you have been out and about in your travels through Common Ground?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Never!  Answered Sir Butt.  Then, why would you wish that upon yourself?  Asked Right Hand Man.  Perhaps my intent would be to begin the growing of another village.  Answered Sir Butt,  and he continued.  I could build up a village much like that of Metalurgy and only allow my friends in to visit and to build themselves homes and businesses.   I see.  Said Right Hand Man.  And what would you call your village, Sir Butt?  He asked.  I have not thought of that before, Right Hand Man, but since you asked, perhaps I would call the village Sir Buttville, and I would live in a large home I would call Buttingham Palace!  It has a nice ring to it don’t you think?  Answered Sir Butt.  It does have a nice ring to it Sir Butt, a very nice ring to it.  Replied Right Hand Man.

Almost to Point B, Metalurgy

Arriving in Metalurgy, Point B is reached

Halt at the gate!  Cries out the gate watcher.  And the two halt their advance.  Who goes there?  Again cries the gate watcher.  It is I Right Hand Man and my friend here is Sir Butt.  Yelled back Right Hand Man.  Just a moment while I check the ledger for your names, it will only take a moment.  The names are in alphabetical order.  Yelled the gate watcher.  A few moments pass and then the gate watcher comes toward the two with a ledger in his hand.  I see Sir Butt on the ledger and Sir Butt you may enter at your pleasure.  But as for you Right Hand Man, your name is NOT on the ledger and I must have you turn your steed around and undarken the path into our village.  This place is only for persons who live here, were born here or have been invited to be here by the owner of the mine within the boundaries of this wall. The gate watcher said.  But I live here and I was born here.  Replied Right Hand Man with a disgust to his voice.  You sir are violating the standards by which the village of Metalurgy exists my good man, and if you do not wish to be tethered to that tree behind you, you will remove your steed and yourself from this property immediately!  Responded the gate watcher.  And then the gate watcher yelled for the mounted guards just behind the wall, to come forward!

Suddenly 15 mounted and heavily armored men  came through the gate and towards Sir Butt and Right Hand Man.  Sir Butt, said to Right Hand Man.  Perhaps I should leave now.  And Right Hand Man just sat there wondering what in the heavens sake was happening and why his name was not on the ledger.

The armed men surrounded the two travelers.  Each armed man had a sword in his hands that glistened in the sun.  Each of them were fully clothed in armor from their heads to their feet.  Each of them had a steed that stood 20 hands tall and were well exercised.  This did not look good for Right Hand Man.  The man in charge of these 15 mounted men asked the gate watcher what the trouble was.  He responded by saying:  This mans name is on the ledger and may proceed inside the gate to Metalurgy.  And he pointed to Sir Butt.  This mans name is NOT on the ledger and he refuses to leave these premises.  And he points to Right Hand Man.  The man in charge looks at Sir Butt and says, You may enter!  And motions Sir Butt to move along.   Sir Butt begins to move but then stops and turns around to see what will happen to Right Hand Man.  Did he not say he was from Metalurgy and did he not say he was honored with a paper granting him a Metal urgy reward.  And did he not say he knew others within the boundaries of Metalurgy?  Sir Butt believes that Right Hand Man was in fact born within these boundaries and was raised to work in the mine and was on a special committee to decide on the doings of a special metal they found in the mine.  Sir Butt believes all of this with all of his heart and NOW it looks as if Right Hand Man is about to be dismembered from head to toe and tossed out into the brush for the vultures.

The man in charge of the 15 armored men looked into Right Hand Mans eyes with a glare that would stop a charging dragon and said in a low and commanding voice.  YOU SIR have been asked to leave and YOU SIR have chosen to stay and now it is my task to dismount you from your steed with the swiftness of 15 swords and let the big chunks fall where they may.  Right Hand Man has every right to be sweating profusely as this man speaks.  He is about to be struck down by 15 huge men on 15 huge steeds and he is trying his best to not faint right on the spot.

Suddenly Right Hand Man yells out.  AL EX!  My name on the ledger is AL EX!!  And he continued…I received the name of Right Hand Man while on the trail and this man (pointing to Sir Butt) gave me the name of Right Hand Man.  I have gotten so used to it, I forgot my old name was Al Ex!  Please check the ledger for Al EX!!!!!  The gate watcher shuffles the pages of the ledger and sure enough there is Al Ex listed on the page.  He exclaims, Here it is, plain as plain.  Al Ex.  Just as he says.   But wait!  Commands the man in charge of the 15 armored men.  How can we be certain this man did not make up a name of someone he knows has his name on the ledger and is just making it up?  Hold your steeds mister man in charge!  Said Right Hand Man.  I have papers to prove I am Al Ex.  And he rifles through his saddle pouch and finds the papers signed by the mine owner granting him his certificate of Metal Urgy.  He hands it to the gate watcher, who looks at it and then hands it up to the man in charge of the 15 armored men.  The man in charge of the 15 armored men, hands the paper back to Right Hand Man and says.  I’d get the name on that paper changed as soon as I could.   Do you realize just how close you came to becoming a pile of bile on the ground under your steeds feet?  Do you realize all I had to do was drop my left  hand down and 14 swards would have taken you off of that steed with 14 swipes?  You sir are a Lucky Man!  Actually.  Said Right Hand Man.  Lucky Man is back at his home at our Point A.  OOOOOOOOOOO!  Said the man in charge of the 15 men.  Let’s go men!  Dang it!  I thought this time we were going to get to use the swords we were issued back in….gees…I can’t even remember back that long ago.

Inside the walls at long last

That was a very disturbing thing to go through Sir Butt.  Said Right Hand Man.  It was indeed Right Hand Man.  I thought for certain those 15 men were going to slice you into 15 parts right there on the spot.  Replied Sir Butt.  Did you see me sweating?  Asked Right Hand Man.  I did not, but I can imagine.  Said Sir Butt.  I’m glad you thought about the name you were known by when you left this place last.  He continued.  Who would have thought I would not have thought about my name like that?  Asked Right Hand Man.  He went on to say; I have just gotten so used to my new name that the old name was almost totally forgotten.  Until of course I was faced with sure slicedom.  Let’s venture to the tavern and have an ail.  I have sweat way too much of late.

And they traveled into the center of Metalurgy where the tavern is located.  Remember that the tavern is in the center of every village, to accommodate equal staggering home for all the residence.  Reaching the tavern the two travelers dismount and tether their steeds near by.  Watch out, Sir Butt!  Exclaimed Right Hand Man.  You almost stepped in that pile of horse do.  YO!  That was close.  Said a leaping Sir Butt.  Thanks for the warning.  He continued.

Another realization hits Sir Butt

Sir Butt is thinking “again”.  This time about what Right Hand Man just told him about the invention of his to get ail chilled and into the mugs without having to lift the ail barrels and pouring the contents, or even lifting the barrels up onto the bar and using the spigot to fill the mug.  A very brilliant idea….but HE DID NOT KNOW THIS!    At least until just now!  Is Sir Butt missing out on very important facts and tidbits of trivia while he is traveling about Common Ground.  He has encountered several incidences of late that tell him he DOES NOT KNOW EVERYTHING.  Which also leads him to believe that perhaps knowing everything all the time may not be so important at this time as it had been in the past.  And so, he is convincing himself that to know everything, all the time, may just be an impossible undertaking, and to think he could do that makes him somewhat of a crazy lunatic.

He turns to Right Hand Man and says politely.  I did not know you invented such as that.  I tout myself as the ALL KNOWING one and for me to admit to you just now makes me think I might have to change my ways and not say I’m all knowing anymore.  Right Hand Man also politely says to Sir Butt.  One can say they are all knowing, such as you do, Sir Butt and still not know everything.  To say you are all knowing, is just a figure of speech.  After all, you do know a very lot, but you can not in all reality know everything. There are just too many things happening around Common Ground that you can not possibly know.  Everyone understands that.  Let us drink another ail and toast to “the all knowing Sir Butt” even though we both know Sir Butt does not know everything about everything.  And they do!

OK, Right Hand Man!  Said Sir Butt.  Now that I have a new attitude about my all knowing self.  I guess the reason I have come to Metalurgy was to meet this maiden you speak of and get the ingredients to her part of your ail.  The best ail I have ever tasted, mind you.  Do you think we could meet her soon?  He said and then asked.  Of course you will meet her shortly.  Said Right Hand Man.  She comes in here for a mug of ail every day about this time.  We shall stay right here until she comes in and when she has had her drink of ail, I will introduce you to her.  We must let her have her first mug of ail alone, because if we disturb her drinking that first mug, her attitude is not a good one.  He added.  I have never heard of a maiden having to have a mug of ail before anyone can talk to her before.  Said Sir Butt.  Another thing to add to my “I didn’t know list”.  He added.  Yes.  Responded Right Hand Man.  She makes it very clear to everyone in Metalurgy not to disturb her while she sips her first mug of ail.  It is her time to reflect back on a day when she met a very handsome man and was somehow made a fool of.  It scarred her deeply.  Once she is finished with that mug of ail, she welcomes friendly discussions with everyone and is quite a cheery and beautiful maiden.  Said he.  I think I here her horse outside as I speak.  Right Hand Man added.

The two men turn and look toward the door.  And in walked a most beautiful maiden indeed.  The tavern is somewhat dark inside and when entering from the sunny outside it takes a while for the eyes to adjust to the darkened room.  She stands just inside and waits until her eyes adjust before walking to the bar.  In the meanwhile the bartender pours her favorite mug of ail and sets it on the bar.  Nearly all the men in the tavern are looking at her.  She is very, very, very, very beautiful.  Did I say how pretty she was?

Sir Butt makes eye contact with Merrily Buxom

The last time Sir Butt saw Merrily Buxum, she was extremely mad at him!  He did not even stick around to hear the end of what she was saying because he knew she would continue calling him names and would go on probably forever and forever was too much time for him to be wasting.  He had to get down the trail to make a safe passage for his two friends Lucky Man and Right Hand Man.

Sir Butt is walking slowly behind Right Hand Man as they approach Merrily Buxum.  She can not see him behind Right Hand Man.  Right Hand Man said, Well Hello Merrily!  It’s been some time since I saw you last!  She looks up and smiles a big smile and says to him.  Well Hello Al Ex, it has been a long time!  I need to give you a hug.  And she threw her arms around his neck and pulled her small frame up to give him a peck on the neck and a big hug.  As she did, her eyes peered over Right Hand Man’s left shoulder and right then and there she saw Sir Butt standing.  Staring into his eyes as  she gave Right Hand Man a very big and long hug.  And then she slid down and placed her feet back on the ground.  Right Hand Man said to her, Merrily I would like to introduce you to Sir….But he never got the last word out before she started into a frantic “mad as a wet hen”, woman rave.  She began; Stop right there Al Ex, I know who this scoundrel of a man is behind your back.  And she started to move around Right Hand Man and toward Sir Butt.  Pointing her finger into his face, right between his eyes I might add.  This is the CAD I have been thinking about since I returned to Metalurgy several weeks ago.  This is the person who was so low as to leave me alone with tavern dwellers all night long while he went out to check on his horse.  This is the beast who slapped me without so much as touching me and who broke my spirit into a million pieces and has caused me heartache and  wrenching sleepless nights and long hours of crying.  This is the stench of a man who broke my trust in his very gender and made me who I have become today.  This is the wretched scum bag who can not be trusted by any person of the female gender and this is the un-caring of un-caring low life snake in the grass to whom I swore I would never lay my eyes upon again so long as I lived.

Her tone has now changed from one of anger and distaste to one of more of a general discussion voice.  This is the man who I swore I would never lay my eyes upon again.  She moved to the bar and leaned against it, her gaze now toward the floor.  She said,  But I have laid my eyes upon him.  My curse is broken, I feel like Merrily Buxom again.  Al Ex, please,  the two of you,  please join me for an ail.  And she motioned to the bar tender to bring three ails as she moved toward one of the tavern tables.  Everyone in the place was looking at them and wondering just what in the world of Common Ground was going on.  Why did she rant such a rant and then suddenly calm down and invite them to a table with her?

Merrily sat on one side and Right Hand Man slid across the bench seat and up against the wall.  Sir Butt stood by the table, but did not set down.  He began.  Merrily Buxum, if I may.  I deserve every distasteful thing you have said about my being.  I wronged you in every way possible.  How can I make it up to you?  How in Common Ground can I gain your trust again and make you feel like yourself again?  I had no idea that my going out to check on my horse, Something, would lead you to a life of misery.  I am truly sorry for putting you through such pain.  Please forgive me Merrily.  He is now on one knee, begging her for her forgiveness, his hand clutched and out in front of his chest.  His eyes gazing at her, while her eyes are affixed at the edge of the table across from herself.  She slowly turned and looked into his eyes, saying,  Sir Butt, if I were a man, I would punch you right now.  But I am not and I am a stately woman who knows what she wants.  I have been raised much better than to lower myself to that level of a savage.  Please now, be seated, we have caused enough of a scene.  Let us re-acquaint ourselves and discuss this in a civil manner.  Over ail, of course.

Sir Butt stands and then sits along side of Right Hand Man.  The bartender places the mugs of ail in front of each of them and then departs.  The table is silent as each takes a sip of ail.  As he places his mug on the table, Right Hand Man said to Merrily Buxum;  Merrily, my name has been changed from Al Ex to Right Hand Man.  Sir Butt did me the honors while myself and Lucky Man were traveling to our Point B a few weeks ago.  Oh, that is so very nice,  Al…I mean Right Hand Man.  She said, looking toward him.  I suppose I will hear the story about your travels one day, but for now, I must converse with Sir Butt.  Please stay seated, Right Hand Man, this will be civil.  She added, as her gaze turned to Sir Butt.

Sir Butt asks Merrily a very important question

The following day found the three of them back in the tavern.  Merrily was as happy and cheerful as she had ever been.  Sir Butt was joyous as well and Right Hand Man was glad for them both.  They ate a hearty breakfast and started to plan out their day.  Sir Butt asked Right Hand Man, if he would mind showing him the ail kegs in the stream and how his hose invention worked.  Right Hand Man agreed and Merrily would join them.

Up the hill trail they ventured to the shack that housed the kegs.  Opening the door, they saw four kegs laying in the stream end to end, connected with short hoses, just like Right Hand Man said they would find.  You know, started Sir Butt, this is a very clever idea you came up with Right Hand Man.  Chilled ail and the only real work to it is to get the kegs up to this place and get them connected together.  Yes, it is.  Replied Right Hand Man.  Sometimes I amaze myself at my abilities to think of such as this.  I understand totally.  Said Sir Butt.  I too amaze myself at my abilities to think of some of the things I come up with.  Merrily piped in.  You can sure come up with some big abilities, Sir Butt.  Ahhhguummm!  Sir Butt cleared this throat.  Your abilities are not so bad yourself, Merrily.  Said Sir Butt.  Do you two wish to be alone?  Asked Right Hand Man.  No.  No.  Said Sir Butt.  Tell us more about this system of chilling the ail.  Right Hand man then told them all about how the idea came about and why,  and why too he felt it necessary to get his mothers main man back into her arms etc, etc, etc.,  to the point of pure boredom and nausiousness.   But Sir Butt and Merrily did not care.  They were only partly listening to him ramble on as they stared into each others eyes.

Later, back at the tavern and over mugs of ail.  Sir Butt asked Merrily a very important question.  One that could change both of their lives forever.  What would be her answer?  What if her answer is not what Sir Butt wants to hear?  What would happen to them if she did not answer in a way that was favorable to Sir Butt?  Will she understand how devastating it would be if her answer is not what he expects?

Merrily.  Sir Butt begins.  You know that I am the dragon slayer of all dragon slayers.  The all knowledgeable  one.   I have the best of steed in all of Common Ground.  I am the bravest of the brave and my steed is right there with me.  I’m rather good looking too, I might add.  You know all of this about me do you not?  He asked.  Well. Said Merrily and then continued.  You tell me all of this and you say it so very often that I have begun to think it is true.  And I have heard others tell me the same things about you and I trust in them and so I have begun to think it is even more true.  And probably if you tell me one more time, I will believe it to be true.   Be there no haste then Merrily.  Said Sir Butt.  I am the bravest of the brave.  The dragon slayer of all dragon slayers.  The all knowledgeable  one.  My steed is named Something and he is the best of the best of steeds and he is brave beyond brave for a steed and will attack at my command any dragon found in Common Ground….need I say more Merrily?  NO!  SIR BUTT!!  I BELIEVE!!!  I BELIEVE!!!!  Yelled out Merrily with glee in her voice.  And she grabbed him about the neck and gave him a lip on lip kiss like none other in all of Common Ground.

Ok then.  Continued Sir Butt.  I have a very important question to ask you Merrily.  Your answer is very important to me as well.  A part of me will be very disappointed if your answer is not what I expect it to be and your answer just might make me have to change some of my ways.  Are you ready for the question Merrily?  OH YES, SIR BUTT, PLEASE BESTOW UPON  MY BEING YOUR QUESTION!  Replied Merrily all excited and clutching her hands to her buxomness.

Very well.  He started.   Merrily, Right Hand Man gave me some ail while in our travels and it was the very best ail I have ever tasted in all my life.  I asked him how he made it and he said he obtained a part from a female friend of his and then he just added water to it and it made the very best ail in all of Common Ground.  He went on to tell me that it was you who provided him with the part he added the water to.  My question is, will you please provide me with the ingredients that is in the part you provide him?

Merrily is looking into Sir Butts eyes with the intent look of an almost new bride.  Her bright smile is spread across her face and she is beaming with delight  as he beings his explanation of the ail.  As he goes on with the explanation, her countenance changes from the beaming smile to a scowling one and her eyes begin to turn red, as does her cheeks and it spreads to her entire body (what we can see of it).  Her clenched hands held near her buxomness, separate into two distinct hands and then into two distinct fists and she begins to quiver.  First the quiver is with just tiny movements of her fists and then spreads quickly to the arms, and eventually to her entire body and with that, she starts beating on Sir Butt until he is laying on the ground, out colder that a pile of week old doggie do.

Was Merrily mad?  She most certainly was.  Here is the same man that made her mad before and she forgave him and now when she is thinking he is going to ask her for her hand in marriage, he asks her the dumbest of dumb questions she has ever heard.  She could not control her emotions.  She did pound on him until he was black and blue and of course being the gentleman he is, he could not attack her back and so she literally knocked the peejeasus out of him until he was laying on the ground unconscious!

Sir Butt Wakes Up

Something is nuzzling at Sir Butt with his nose.  Bumping him quite hard as he is still asleep and trying his best to wake Sir Butt up.  They have been in this camp long enough and Something needs to be going.  He needs to be un-tethered and let out to relieve himself.  Sir Butt, suddenly sits up in his bed roll.  He shakes his head repeatedly and then asks himself out loud.  Where am I?  He looks around and instantly recognizes where he is in Common Ground.  Wow.  He says.  I had the most real of real dreams and met the most beautiful woman in all of Common Ground.  The woman of my dreams.  Wow, it is late.  Something, we must be on our way!   He gets up and gathers his bedroll.  Un-tethered  Something and let him out to do his business.  Something!  He yells as the steed moves out of camp.  Hurry up, we have work to do.

Bears Butt

June 2011

(End)