I usually don’t write serious stuff on this site, but today I feel I need to.  Why?  There must be at least one couple out there wondering how some couples stay together when it’s so very easy to step out on your spouse.  And now, after 38 years of marriage, I think I can tell you what has kept our marriage together.  I’m not a psychologist or marriage counselor or trained in any way shape or form on the subject of people staying together, but I do observe and see what works and what does not work.

Growing up, I noticed how my parents always spent time at the kitchen table “every night” having a cup of coffee and talking about their day.  Mom had a job at a military establishment and her job included making sure shipments of supplies were readied and sent on time for the soldiers over seas.  In an office environment like that the men in the office always had the higher paying jobs, and they would flirt with the women and in general, do nothing all day.  In the meantime, mom would work twice as hard as the next woman making sure all the “i”s were dotted and “t”s were crossed.  I heard it every night and it was always the same.  She did the work and the shapely broad in the corner showing her legs to the boss got the promotions.  Go figure.

Dad worked construction and it was very hard labor he did.  He too did the work of several men everyday and I have to believe him.  Later in my life, after high school, I got to work on one of his crews with him and I must say, for an older man, he did work very much harder than the younger guys on the crew.

So, the point being is “my parents talked”!  Every night, they talked.  It did not matter what the discussion was, it was the fact that they got together and talked.

My younger brother had a very close friend in high school and I too liked the guy.  We would go to his house quite often to hang out and more often than not his home became the “staging area” for our nightly carousing around.  His mother liked to cook and was a really good cook.  She was cool to be around too, because she laughed and made jokes and kidded us young boys.  His dad was a hard working guy who operated heavy equipment like cranes and such.  And every night he would stop by the liquor store and buy a pint of  “Sunny Brook” whiskey and take it home.  Many, many times I would enter their home and there he was, crouched backwards on a chair with a high back, his arms crossed over the back of the chair, pint in hand talking with his wife about the days events.  She was busy cooking the supper for the day talking about her day at the hospital.  She cooked for the patients.

Again it did not matter what the discussion was, it was the fact that they were hanging out together talking.  He wasn’t in the bar with the guys and she was not out with the girls playing bridge or whatever.  They were together talking.

My wife and I began our marriage the same way.  She worked hard as a waitress and I as a bar tender, while both of us were going to college.  When we had the time together we talked.  Both of us had Sundays and Wednesdays off and after school on Wednesday, we would do stuff together.  Sundays were days to sleep in and read the paper in bed and drink coffee and talk.

Our neighborhood was made up of fairly new couples, all of whom had children the same age as our two boys.  And mostly boys made up the children around the blocks.  One day one of the young men came to the house to visit with our boys and he made himself comfortable in the living room where Sherry and I were sitting talking and he said, “Every time I come here I see the two of you sitting side by side talking, what do you guys talk about anyway”?

We found that quite an unusual question but we answered it as honestly as we could.  We just talk.

So we have gotten into the habit of sitting every morning drinking coffee and looking out the front window and talking about what our plans are for the day ahead.  And then again in the evening, you will find the two of us sitting in the same places talking and having a drink of some sort.  Twice a day, we sit and talk.  What about?  It doesn’t matter.  Like I said about my parents and my friends parents, we are together talking and that is all that matters.

We know each others business.  We share everything.  It’s “our life” and after 38 years I like it and I have to say I think she would say the same.

I ask my sons about what their wives are doing and in a lot of cases the answer is “I’m not sure”, or “I don’t really know where she is”.  To us, that is not acceptable, but it’s their lives.

As a bartender, many moons ago, I often saw the spouse come in for a drink and you know what would happen.  At first it was innocent but then it became a habit and whammo….divorce and a broken family.  It did not matter whether the male or the female came into the place, it happens and it could have been prevented if the two of them would have sat down at home and talked.  But when one or the other doesn’t come home on a regular basis, the other one feels they need to “get out of the house” for awhile and that is when the shizza hits the fan.

I’ll get off my soap box and put my thinking cap on for another humorous type of story next time.  Right now, I have to go fix some breakfast and get ready to enjoy it with my significant other.

Bears Butt

July 29, 2012